The Lazy Way to Stay in Love

Discover the Magic of Bonding Behaviors

Exotic loversWhile waiting for a concert to begin at our local county fair, my husband and I checked out a reptile exhibit that included an animal trainer with a live alligator resting calmly on his lap. As we stroked the gator, I asked the trainer why it was so tame. “I pet it daily. If I didn’t, it would quickly be wild again, and wouldn’t allow this,” he explained.

I was surprised. Only months earlier I had begun to grasp the power of bonding behaviors (skin-to-skin contact, gentle stroking and so forth) to evoke the desire to bond without our having to do anything more.

Women: Does Orgasm Give You A Hangover?

Research reveals lingering postcoital cycle in women

In 2011, UK researchers released an interesting survey of postcoital symptoms in women. It didn't fit the standard script about how sex and orgasms transform women into glowing, satisfied beings or eager, contented lovers. Researchers noted,

Despite a wealth of evidence from specific internet sites and forums suggesting that irritability, crying and mood swings after sex seem to be common in females and males, to date no scientific study has tried to explore the nature of the phenomenon. ... Reports from female sufferers describing their condition suggest that [postcoital symptoms] can occur after sexual intercourse, both with and without orgasm.

Sacred Sex and the Indus Valley Civilization

Submitted by Marnia on

This is part of a manuscript by a man in England named Leigh Martin, a retired therapist. It's called Bathing The Soul, and I share it with his permission. It begins with a thorough look at an ancient culture that thrived some five thousand years ago in the Indus Valley...for seven hundred apparently peaceful, prosperous years. (Thereafter an earthquake shifted the course of the river on which the civilization depended and its citizens scattered.) Key aspects of this ancient culture are believed to survive in the non-violent Jain tradition, with over four million adherents in India today. Jains have an ancient tradition of scholarship and Jain libraries are the oldest in India. Jainism influenced Hinduism, Buddhism and Christianity, among other traditions. According to Martin, the pre-Jain Indus Valley Civilization (IVC),

was unlike any other. They didn't fight their neighbours, they didn't celebrate war and conquest, and they didn't even make weapons. Instead the archaeologists dug up only loads of toys. They were egalitarian and had no wealthy elite. They built great cities that were technically advanced and even had bathing facilities within very many homes. They were also ethically advanced and tolerant of diversity .... They had an astonishingly modern and even "scientific" understanding of what is healthy.

Discovering the Secrets of Long-Term Love

Submitted by Marnia on

Physical affection is so powerful that, even if a relationship doesn't always seem perfect (and what relationship always does?), it may help make up for the negatives. Certain couples, for example, reported low marital satisfaction due, presumably, to some of the common challenges couples face (e.g. differences in parenting styles, financial stress, divisions of responsibility). However, if their levels of physical affection remained high, the couple still reported intense love.

A survey reveals many American couples are still "intensely in love" even after a decade together--and hints at the reasons why

Oxytocin Levels Predict Longevity of Love Affairs

Submitted by Marnia on

This new research is consistent with the concept that bonding behaviors strengthen human pair bonds.

New research links levels of the “cuddle hormone” with falling, and staying, in love.

By Tom Jacobs

There’s nothing like the bliss of a new romance. And yet, many experiencing such rapture find it disrupted by a nagging question: How do we know our love will last? Newly published research suggests a possible answer: Get your oxytocin levels checked. A team of researchers led by Inna Schneiderman of the Gonda Brain Sciences Center of Israel’s Bar-Ilan University have just published a study examining the role oxytocin, commonly called the “cuddle hormone,” plays in the early stages of romantic relationships. While differentiating cause and effect is tricky, the researchers find a strong link between lasting relationships and high levels of the hormone.

Karezza in Four Easy Steps (for men)

Submitted by KevinJ on

by L. Kevin Johnson

Note: This article is written specifically for men. But it is helpful for women to understand what a man needs to accomplish in order for them both to experience mutual, sexual harmony. Therefore it is recommended that couples work on the process together. It takes time to wean off the “mating sex” program and regularly engage in bonding behaviors, such as Karezza, with lots of cuddling in-between, holding hands, affectionate hugs, etc., before our brains start to rewire and build receptors that will enable us to experience the enjoyable effects of oxytocin, the “love hormone.”

Wiring Sexual Tastes to Hairless Genitals...Oops!

Are we waxing away the line between adults and children?

naked kid

At present, our culture both underestimates the power of erotic cues and misinterprets their significance. That is, sexual cues are presumed harmless because sexual tastes are thought to be hardwired whatever one views. Two circular assumptions follow from this faulty premise: First, we assume that what one climaxes to reveals one's unalterable nature; and second, we assume that if one begins climaxing to something incongruous one is merely discovering one's "true" nature. Such flawed reasoning arose in part due to medical politics which gave rise to a staunch refusal to investigate the plastic effects of sexual behaviors on the brain's delicate reward circuitry.

The Wages of Sexual-Addiction Politics

Did addiction politics leave us stranded on a slippery slope?

Time for a radical rethink

Ever wonder why the brains of pathological gamblers, food addicts and video-game addicts have been studied, yet no one has studied the brains of porn addicts? We've certainly wondered—especially as one often hears the claim that the absence of studies is "proof" that porn addiction/sex addiction is a myth (even though clients and patients are increasingly complaining of being hooked on both).

Recently, we learned why brain-science research on porn and sex addiction is practically nonexistent.

Will Orgasms Keep You in Love?

A steady drip of oxytocin may help sustain relationship harmony

Marriage Carousel fountain, Nuremberg Germany

Ever read about how frequent orgasm will benefit your relationship (or your health) because oxytocin (the "love hormone") is released at climax? Let's look at this claim more closely, because there's evidently more to the story. After all, if orgasm were glue, our culture wouldn't have drifted toward hooking-up as orgasms became more plentiful. And every john would be in love with his hooker.

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