I have been coming here for a while now and am not doing as well as I would like to. I said somewhere else that we get ourselves deluded so that we can then find our way out, thus living the process of enightenment. Well I have got my wish and am about as deluded as I have been for years, so far as my actions and choices go. (My ideals are fine, but they have to be put into practice to be of any use!)

Hi again everyone just a note to let you know I am still here, and if I am absent as I have been lately it means either of two things: I could be having a binge, or I could be using my 'keep busy' strategy for abstinence where I keep my mind focussed on positive things and try to forget that porn even exists. Sometimes even to come here is too much, because here we talk about the stuff. I have just had 2 full days of abstinence and am feeling clear again. I will surely make it to 14 days someday.

I have been searching in the wrong place for my recovery.

I have been doing good things, meditating, gardening, exercising, all good things. But all alone.

Until I overcome my aquired tendency to isolate myself physically and socially I'm going to remain stuck, I think.

The heart is higher than the head. This seems obvious, but as I reflect on it, it is true on more than one level. If I am going to take orders from somewhere, it should be from what is highest rather than what is lowest. That is not to disrespect sexuality of course. Just that, in the symphony of vibrating chakras there needs to be a conductor, and that should be one of the higher ones.

Hi everyone, I have much to do at present but look forward to taking the time to read all of the new posts. Good to see this site is buzzing.

It's interesting how much the ability to intelligently self-reflect increases in proportion to how long I stay off ejac-orgasm. When I was 'in the zone' of unrestrained addiction I should have been able to see these things, but it was as if I was just looking the other way.

I am NOT powerless over porn.

If I was to use porn again, it would be conscious choice. Not due to something over which I was 'powerless'! (Well-meaning but naive) people in the Recovery Movement have been trying to con me. The first step disempowers us. To 'admit we were powerless over sex addiction' is counter-productive! No wonder I always had a nagging feeling about the 12 steps.

Humans naturally control beasts not by physical strength, but by the use of their superior intellect. If my animal wants its high and I don't listen, what can he do about it? Absolutely NOTHING!!!

OK I'm ready to face the facts...this is going to hurt. But I want to do it.

(FrAgMeNtS)

It's the great battle that isn't. There is no-one to fight except myself.

Whether I do or not, the outcome hangs on whether I attach to that fleeting thought (of sitting down at the PC and etc...) or let it go. I hope I can learn to let go more often.

I do what I do not wish to do (indulge in unwholesome porn). Something is wrong here...just who is in charge?

I need to learn a new bliss. The art of being intoxicated by Love and a true purpose, rather than the 'bliss' of immediate, short-term pleasure.

What am I going to do with my resurging sexual energy tonight? It's midnight and I should be getting to bed. I'm exhausted but a little edgy. Oh, about the title...no I'm NOT a meatloaf fan, I just meant that I've had two days of sobriety from orgasm and a clear-headedness which I have enjoyed. Now comes the hard part...(pardon the pun)...how do I keep going and complete day three? My desire just came back. Do I get a gun and blow it to pieces? Now I know what Jesus meant when he said "If your hand causes you to lose faith, cut it off". My hand has certainly been doing a bit of that lately...