It feels like it's time for another post. Today is day 21 without orgasm. I have viewed porn a few times in the last 3 weeks and had 1 wet dream. Despite that, I feel again. I feel emotions again. I think drastic changes in lifestyle throw me for a spin. Fortunately I've been able to keep things at a constant recently - exercise, eating, lifestyle. As for the porn viewing, it was around 1.5 weeks when I started looking at it again and for some reason it's been less stimulating every time I go back to it.

It's been 2 weeks I've been clean - hands off. It's been a tough 2 weeks but it's also been easy. I was out of town and around family for much of it so there weren't very many moments when I was alone. Now I'm back to my normal lifestyle again, so I'm going to work hard to keep the momentum going. It's been a tough morning but I'm still under control. I do feel more balanced and I feel the emotions rushing around inside of me. I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel lonely, I feel confident - the deep desire for a relationship has come storming back.

It seems I always post on day 1's on the blog. Yes, it's another start for me. I actually had a really good week. I was well behaved, under control and got a lot accomplished (at work and mental work on myself). I even stuck to my no more than 3 drinks rule. I think it was a combination of being tired and depressed that put me over the edge. A Friday night all alone.

Anyway, I feel like a big run coming. Who knows... I could be wrong but I'll keep on trying! I will get the better of this!!

I crashed and burned on day 7. Just picked up the pieces again with another attempt. Not sure if there's anything I'm going to change this time around. Never get around to writing my goals out so I'll have to get that done. I also received my copy of Cupid's Poisoned Arrow so I'll be reading that too!

It's day 3 for me. I'm tired. The last couple of days for me have been very tiring. Not in a physical way. I've been getting ample sleep, haven't been up to much apart from work but I find myself drained. Not sure when this will end. I don't recall feeling like this on previous attempts of abstinence but I'm doing a better job of observing myself this time, instead of being ensnared in the depths of life.

I woke up this morning, about an hour and a half ago, feeling like crap. I felt lazy, unmotivated, buried by a pile of chores, buried by life itself and depressed. My initial reaction was porn. I knew that I would get the fix I would need to give myself a kick in the butt and get my day started. I could have stopped the pain there and then. I didn't choose that route.

I faltered once again today. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm regressing so I kinda got back to the basics. I let go of my attitude of "I know how to overcome this" and re-read the material in the "First Visit?" section. For anyone that hasn't read it, the link relating to Porn Addiction is - http://www.reuniting.info/resources/porn_masturbation_addiction. If you're addicted, it's a MUST read.

I'm still struggling to get back on track. I'm going to try posting on here more often again because that seemed to keep my mind sane when I've succeeded in the past. This is a pesky little addiction. I also realize that I binge drink and have what I classify as a minor alcohol problem. I don't crave alcohol but when I go out I always end up drinking more than I should. I would rather control that than stop drinking all together but I may call it quits for a while if I have to.

Another less than proud moment... crashed and burned again. I'm putting it behind me and time to get going with another attempt. Made it 10 days so lets see if I can make 2 weeks this time around.

It's kind of disappointing the day after I proclaim my determination to get over my addiction, I hit one of my lowest of lows. I feel like crap right now, dazed and confused. I want to get this out of my system and written down but I really don't want to be judged so take it easy on me...