Hanging in there. Trying to recognize and deal with the brain worms as they come up. I miss the clarity I had a few weeks ago because the past few days have been foggy. It hasnt been terrible, but I see a striking difference. Things arent out of control and my life and mind are not not going in a downward spiral, but I dont really feel fluid or vibrant either, which is something I was starting to get used to.

This girl and I have been at it like rabbits for the past few days. We're like a couple of 18 year olds, but I can think of worse times in my life. I enjoy the closeness more than any of the orgasms though and I think she likes the closeness as well. Its definitely relieved some tensions and the bonding is there, so I am happy with that for now. She is also good about keeping space when needed. We are both students and working so having that sense of space is important. However, we are also going out later too to do something fun.

I had a slip because I was fantasizing too much and needed to relieve the pressure. On a good note, I met an attractive woman who seems pretty sane. Weve been on a couple of dates and we like spending time together. Im okay with not trying to get right into her pants as fast as I can. Im enjoying spending time with her doing simple things like talking and being outside. We just seem to like each others company. She responds very well to me taking the lead and seems to feel comfortable in that role. It seems very easy and natural, I dont have to overthink things.

Things are going well. Nothing crazy is going on. I am employed and am in school and i have a place to live, so i am feeling a kind of bliss that I havent had in a while. I live in a part of town with lots of healthy people around my age and I am feeling good. Finally, after a year of trying to abstain and work through pure hell at times, there is some fruit. My relationship to men and women are better, Im a little more social, active, and healthier than I was before. Overall, I can tell the difference between a year. I think Im growing some receptors back.

I had a slip, but not on my serious bottom line. I was feeling a little worn down from some feelings that I was dealing with concerning my mother. Some old unconscious stuff lingering around and I hadnt been really nourishing many social bonds. I just hit an end finally and looked at some light porn. But I did it for a good amount of time because I couldnt really get it on my secured computer. Escalating softcore? I didnt feel horrible, but once that happens you can really open the door for appetite again.

Day 36?

Been busy and its been a good strategy. Waking up early, not being lazy, spending time with the family, eating well, petting cats and dogs, talking to male friend, working, figuring out and directing my larger career goals, working out. Its been a good formula.

Start of Week 5, day 29

A few more ups. As Ive learned from going through so many lows dealing with this addiction, if I just manage to make it through the rough patches, I usually feel REALLY good afterwards for a time. It was a struggle last week, and now this week feels good. I am feeling stable-minded, focused on my work, future, and life purpose, enjoying healthy social interactions. I remember this feeling from times that I have managed to abstain in the past- things just feel like they fall into place in my head.

4th week, day 22

I've known that inappropriate women are trouble for my addiction, but it's never really been an issue. I've wrestled with this one in the past, but my other bottom lines kind of took priority.

Today is the start of the 6th week since orgasm.

I have been feeling a little more settled in since the move. Moves are stressful with all of the disorganization. Today was the first day that I made a list and started going down it. I like those because it helps me to feel in control of something and it ultimately reminds me to do things that I know are good for me to do daily.