Hi, everyone. I briefly returned to try and help someone I've talked to previously through a rough time. However, it is time for me to go back out again. While there has not been anything that has triggered me here as of yet, I find myself in a very unsettled state and need to take some precautions to prevent any unnecessary wear and tear.

I have finally hit a one week threshold I've not been able to hit for the last two months. As a result, it is time to capture success and use it to propel me forward. One of the things I have noticed, though, is that I am consistently being attacked mentally by stimuli, and part of it is this website. As a result, it's time for me to put this community behind. It's been a pleasure, and I'll see you all around.

Lancer

Been on a tough road this month. It's what tends to happen when everything comes off and you slowly try to rebuild the pieces of everything. The longest I've achieved since is only about five days. I've done this twice, but I'm starting to set more concrete goals.

It's a wierd feeling. I'm finding that things I was okay with before I relapsed no longer are. For instance, I would be able to sit and not worry about people I'd see on TV or online or any of that stuff. Now, it's all back to where it was, and it's somewhat frightening how fast regression can happen.

I've had a lot of time over the last two weeks to think about my own rehabilitation. I'm building internal strength back up very, very slowly. Relapsing returns you to square one, as I've learned.

Yesterday I relapsed after suffering from compulsions for four days. Since, I've been working on gaining back what I've lost. Unfortunately, that will take a while. I just need to be more careful about what I do.

Someone suggested recently in my blog that masturbation without guilt, without lustful images can be a good thing. As a result, I decided to take them on. The results were less than impressive. As I did just that: a very slow, methodical arousal, as opposed to the way I used to. I found that I had just as big of a need to return and complete the cycle and go all the way. After that, I felt the compulsion to do it again, and it happened a couple of more times within about 4-5 hours.

It's been a week now since I slipped up, slowly piecing it all together. I've been trying harder to keep the negative sex thoughts away, although I find that they can creep in at almost any time. There's not much that can be done, except that when they come up, I simply move away from them. Having these thoughts and knowing their damaging effect has led me to believe what is truly possible in terms of a love life.

Did you just have a really rough day, you slipped up, and you feel like the world's coming to an end? Well, I have some help for you. To be honest, I'm writing this as I am now recovering from a slip up yesterday after over 120 days of abstinence, so maybe this advice has some merit.

First, reset your goal to making through today. If you get one day under your belt, you will feel better about yourself. From there, build off of that.

It's been a while, I think, since I actually wrote one of these that wasn't some sort of crisis message.I've been learning a lot about myself the last two weeks and a lot more about people in general.

It's been kind of wierd, being here. On one hand, I'm just some kid who's trying to find a path out of something that has significantly hurt my life, and still wants to. On the other hand, there's always someone who hears of me and starts looking up at me.