I read in one of the posts that someone mentions the notion of a relationship being of benefit to humankind. Sounds like a lofty idea. I do have this fantasy that I could be in a deep relationship with a woman and that we would work together as lovers/partners to benefit humanity. I'm not sure if that will be possible. I'd be thrilled if I could meet a woman who would be willing to do the Exchanges and then try to have a harmonious sex life. Just keep it simple. I'm not sure about helping or being of benefit to humanity.

I want to share with you that I've been having a tough time lately. I recently went on Klonopin, which is a highly addictive anti-anxiety medication. I'm taking a low dosage thankfully. My psychiatrist wants to put me on an anti-depressant as well, but I spoke to my psychotherapist and he thinks that would be a terrible idea. So I think that won't happen. I've been feeling weepy and whiney and I'm masturbating about once every other day; which is better than I've done over my lifetime, but not as good as I've done in the past year. I've given up on 12-Step programs, at least for now.

In the August newsletter there is an Eye Chart for older gents. I qualify since I'm over 60, ok, I'm just a young old fart, I'll be 62 on September 13th. (hint, hint) Now, I can't read the bottom of the eye chart at the opthalmologists office, but I did make out the bottom of the chart in the August newsletter just fine.

I'm not sure if my eyesight is any good but I think my reptilian brain is working just fine!

Snide comments and remarks are welcome.

A couple of us are on GoogleTalk and would like to have others join us. Apparently there is a way to have group chats on GoogleTalk. It is a bit clunky. First you need to be invited by someone who has a gmail account to sign up for gmail, then that same person can invite you to GoogleTalk. I'd be delighted to facilitate this. If you are interested just send me a PM by clicking on my screen name.

Greetings Everyone:

I've given up going to 12-Step meetings or keeping day counts, but I'm feeling pretty good. I'd say I masturbate about three times a week, often as a sedative. It is certainly a lot better than what I've done most of my life.

I was off-line for about a week due to a computer glitch with Verizon, my internet provider. It's solved for now.

I'm having some nice IM"s with my Courtly Companion and one of the other folks on this list.

I'm struggling with what to do next; although a friend of mine who is a minister wants to start a late-night hang out place for people to be together without having to consume some product or experience. I masturbate about every two or three days, I'm not really keeping track.

It has been a while since I've posted. Welcome to all the newbies. It is good to have you all in our community.

I think I last wrote that I had over 30 days of abstinence/sobriety. I slipped a couple of weeks ago and have not been able to get back on the wagon. I've also totally lost interest in all of the 12-Step sexual recovery programs I've been attending for over two years. I've decided to let go of trying to count days and "trying" to stay abstinent. It hasn't worked.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Today I’m embarking on a new project. I’m going to sit for three minutes a day and concentrate on my breath. In the back of my mind I keep this question, “William, I want to know you better.” Then after sitting for three minutes I’m going to write for seven minutes about one of the following topics.

1 Dear Higher Power, I feel….
2 This is what I want to share with you…
3 One of the aspects of my vision for my life is…

Here is my entry for today. I will post my writings to this blog unless it seems inappropriate.

Just to let y'all know that I have nine days of abstinence/sobriety. In the past 49 days, I've masturbated to orgasm once. So, I'm making progress.

I think that with this latest round of sobriety, I'm actually able to allow myself to experience my deep feelings of lonliness. It seems unbearable! I really want a Goddess with whom to do the Exchanges and develop a relationship. I've always had this lonliness which is why I used compulsive masturbation and compulsive sex as a way to sooth myself. That and food. Thank goodness I'm only 30 pounds overweight, but I digress.

I slipped at home and masturbated on Wednesday morning. I was feeling very lonely and overwhelmed about the fact that I need to move on June 1st and was struggleing with what to do. I've gotten some funding to find a place so that was not the problem. The problem is the actual going out and looking. Yesterday I decided to go to a service that actually provides verified leads of rooms for rent.