Chemicallydriven's blog

I found this via a link via seekers blog,

The issues I have to confront here, require that I look at things I really would rather not, humility and tearing down of my pride as well. I feel i am at one extreme or the other, balance impossible. What always seems elementary to most, is somewhat a challenge and always has been for me. Thank you Marnia for your patience and support, having someone care means alot, more than words could try to tell. I found this article below I want to share as I feel it could also be helpful to others here. Basically talks about the aloneness and lonliness of life, and our seeking a remedy to it.

It's been a while since I've blogged, been ill and then trying to make up for being ill. I feel again I made a big mistake commiting to a marriage with zero intimacy and his progressive sexual disfunction. I found out what the doctors wouldn't tell him or I. That his lack of sensitivity sexually is penile neuropathy. Eventually his erections will even cease to occur, it also said most men will not even miss them due to the fluctuating chemicals that kill desire, that I am afraid already happen. He gets an erection no problem but there is rarely desire.

the last time i had orgasm I held back, I can have an orgasm, and not release the dump of what feels like a dose of a great drug. It feels good, but i can still talk and walk and move around. So the husband was in the mood friday, i tried to deflect and stay up, he stayed up, so its against my nature to deny my man of any pleasure. He performs oral, and it took me some time but I had a controlled nice O. I was good. I told him I was afraid to, that I didn’t want that release. As though I had put him up to a challenge, I swear he was after it.

Her Daily Journal –INTRO
Addressing an over active Libido, and a Desire to feel loved, and Confusing the two.

I am not abstaining from orgasm really, more from porn and masturbation, so if i save it for sex, its like abstaining, once or twice a month if i am lucky. I dont want to feel guilty for masturbating, yet another thing on the lists of things I already feel guilty about. But I more and more see my attraction to the release of my own brains drug. I seriously am like a junkie, and there is this "freak" in me just dying to get out.

We tried the Karezza, wow i in one session, can totally see why this works. [tanz] I did quite well, the beast within cried and I felt a sort of pleasure in denying it. I so loved having my husband just inside me [bigsmile] his attention fully, although we did not speak. I could really truely become a Karezza Klan member. It was he who stopped and said we must start off slowlywith our new activity and thankful i was we had sex as we usually do. I am so more careful to not unleash the full dose of euphoric chemicals I can acheive via orgasm.

I keep attempting to begin my blog, I start and never seem to make much sense, usually it is through writing that I find understanding and clarity. This topic though is still bouncing around in my brain. I am a married 40ish American German and Swedish woman living on the West coast.