"Sensitization" , will it ever go away?Meth + Porn= super-buzz

Submitted by Confinement84 on
Printer-friendly version

Sensitization. This would be the "buzz" I get every time I see any photo, commercial, billboard or advertisement that is even remotely sensual. Most of the time they are not even meant to be arousing. For example, an Old Navy commercial. The woman are fully clothed, showing no cleavage or anything yet I instantly get this buzz or rush in my heart/mind that is similar to looking at porn.

Many years ago I would smoke Meth and then watch porn for hours... even DAYS straight. That is NOT an exaggeration by any means. Even before I had the internet I would literally travel to every porn shop in the city. The high I would get from this was through the roof. Even THINKING of it now I get this sensitization feeling in my heart that makes my heart pound even though I have been away from Meth for 10 years. The dopamine rush from meth combined with porn I would argue is extremely dangerous and I wonder if it messed with my brain in such a way that would cause me too permanently have these feelings of sensitization.

I hate this feeling! I hate it because I immediately get fixated on "what could be" if I were to see porn again. It is like a rekindling of love... rekindling love for PORN. AHHH!

Today is day 61 of being porn free (though I did masturbate some time in between without porn)and it feels the "sensitization" feeling I get from these non-erotic images/commercials are getting stronger. I nearly relapsed yesterday thinking of how high I could get off a porn binge session. Instead I drank some chamomile tea and fell to sleep after staring at the ceiling for an hour.

Has anybody conquered this feeling? How long did it take you? Any advice?

Comments

.

Confinement84 wrote:

Has anybody conquered this feeling? How long did it take you? Any advice?

No - and I have tremendous respect for you quitting meth. I don't know much about it but I know it's the most addictive and the high from M+PMO has evidently left lasting impression.

All I can say is keep on keeping on. You're doing great.

Don't know

The time frame on sensitization is a big unknown for many addictions as best we can tell. I've seen encouraging research tracking short-term improvements in "desensitization" and "hypofrontality," but nothing either way on sensitization.

However, I have heard from guys here that within a few years of no porn the "buzz" is negligible. Whether that's true for the meth combo is anyone's guess. But I wouldn't despair. I would think long term, though.

And I would do something to find a group of supportive friends. I know your time is scarce, but find a hiking club or cooking club or Toastmasters...something healthy. The "holes" in your brain that you once filled with meth and searching for hotties on line actually evolved to make connection rewarding. Start small.

I have enormous admiration for you. This is a tough dragon you have taken on and you are taming it magnificently despite the dark days.

*big hug*

Porn / Meth / Jacking Off

Wow, can I speak volumes on this. I started doing coke when I was around 16 and began jacking off to porn almost immediately. After that I graduated to meth, had girlfriends that I would do meth with and bang, but ultimately, nothing was as good as getting high on meth and jacking off to porn for hours to days. I was in complete control, and I would go seemingly forever. It didn't matter if I was hard, it felt good. I am 42 years old now and have not done meth since I was around 35-36. Porn and meth have absolutely ruined my sex life. When I jack off now, I think about smoking meth, I think about all the girlfriends I had that fucked me while I was high, and I think about the porn I "used" to watch, because I can connect that to being high and the feeling it used to give me. Sober sex sucks. NOTHING is nearly as good, or has the same euphoria as being high on meth and watching porn. After 6-7 of being sober, I still think about it, and I still dream about it. Hell, typing about it makes me want to go get a gram and hit up the internet. The porn is too readily accessible nowadays. I wish I was 20 again so I had another 20 years to get high and jack off to porn. Unforunately, father time has intervened. Good luck to you. It doesn't go away.....

this is where complete abstinence served me well

It took me many years of complete abstinence from drugs including marijuana, coke and other stuff, but I no longer even think about it. It probably took 10 years to really wear off completely. I don't drink anymore either, quit that almost 10 years ago.

There were other things in life I wanted more than getting high. It was ruining my life and I had to stop. I wish I could have been a moderate person but I wasn't able to moderate drug use. The only alternative was stop completely. 

I would expect it to take *many* years not to feel that buzz. But you live with it. You learn to miss it keenly and keep on while missing it. That's the real answer -- you miss the buzz and you keep on doing what you were doing without taking drugs and you are okay with missing it. 

All addictions are the same in that they go away only when we 1. abstain and 2. find replacement behaviors. In my case, replacement behaviors was spending time with a woman and raising a family and drugs didn't fit in with that at all. 

Daily bonding behaviors, if you are fortunate enough to have a partner, are fantastic. They really help get over the addictions and keep in despite missing that buzz. They get better and better. 30 minutes in the morning if you can, 30 minutes at night if you can, and wow!

What I think of when I am tempted to relapse is the worst moments of the addiction, and how I will end up there again. Now it's a habit and no longer a risk for me as long as I avoid triggers. But thinking of the worst that *will* happen and how I don't want to be there again -- that is what let me continue abstinence from drugs and alcohol.