Halo's blog

I'm not going to say much because it's late, but here it is: I want my power and my tenderness back. I was beginning to find it in this process. I was beginning to recapture a child-like sense of joy again. Why did I stop?

Day 3 starts tomorrow.

My first try at abstaining went 19 days. Since then I haven't been able to get past five. I wonder why. Here's what I think: I was very sexually exhausted. Going 19 days without the big "O" replenished me. The downside is that my energy escalates much faster now. This is only a theory however.

My latest round I went 5 days. Then (like always) I got invited out to go to a stripper bar. This is standard entertainment in Pattaya, and the women are pretty forward... grinding up against you, grabbing you etc. etc. Well it's just too much for a red-blooded Canadian boy. I fell.

It's hard to measure... but I think my hair is growing back. I have A W shaped hairline. Hair in the middle, and two receeding areas on the side - this is typical of many men. Well... I know it's sort of subjective at this point, but my hair seems to be coming in thicker in the sparsely populated areas!

I can't claim to know the biochemistry, but on an intuitive level, it sort of makes sense that this might happen. After all, we're dealing with bringing the sexual hormones and nuerochemistry back into balance, and those affect the whole body, but especially hair in men.

I haven't written for awhile; I've been 'lurking' (I love that word).

Here's what's been going on with me: I've been going throug a few four and five day cycles. No orgasm, but masturbation. More and more, until I loose it. I know I have to break this cycle, and I'm sure I will - each time I cycle, I get a bit stronger.

One dopamine effect I'm worried about is the way I drive. It becomes markedly more aggressive when I haven't orgasmed in awhile. This could be dangerous, especially on a scooter in Thailand!

Okay, I've been rechanneling my sexual energy for 14 years. I know it would take quite an effort for me to actually ejaculate at this point in my life - I've pretty much rewired myself not to, except on rare occasions.

That hasn't helped one whit in trying to avoid orgasm. In fact, I think it makes it worse. Rechanneling upward just stimulates fantasy, which then just brings me closer to orgasm.

It's going to be interesting when I get up to the high-number days of transorgasmia (no-orgasm). I wonder if I'll have a wet-dream! I've never actually had one in my life... or at least I can't remember ever having one. I have romantic, sexual dreams, but there's no actual sex in them. I'm probably lucky, as I doubt that wet-dreams will cause me to orgasm and have dopamine disregulation. Still, I am curious as to what dream sex would be like!

Wow.
I just did a cursory check of the PubMed database and there's virtually nothing on the biological effects of abstinence. In other words, I couldn't find an experiment where even basic biological measures were taken on a group of people before and after a period of abstinence. This seems like obvious science, especially since, in America, many family planning groups (usually with a religious association) advocate abstinence.

One would think that perhaps even the Catholic Church might have commissioned such a study.

Here's a tip: if you don't want to have an orgasm, don't go out and look at naked women and drink beer. A friend of mine got into town from the US last night, and of course the first thing he wants to do when coming into "sin city" is to go look at the Go Go bars. How could have I been more unthinking? I just said, "...yeah, sure, let's do it - I'll meet you at the Airplane Club..." (A club where the girls wear stewardess-type outfits!).

I know that some people have reported that they have trouble sleeping when they're being non-orgasmic. I'm still sleeping just fine, but I'v discovered that I need a whole hour less of sleep! That's quite incredible. To me, that's quite incredible. Has anybody else found anything similar?

I don't like the term "continence." It makes me think of adult diapers. Depends. I'm going to try to think up an alternative that I can use...

Today is really day 2 for me again. But I'm feeling very good about it; the whole thing seems to be getting easier - I seem to be changing. I'm still "self pleasuring" a bit, but it's relaxed, and I don't feel denied when I stop. As well, fantasies that go along with it are generally ones that I like.