healthiertimes's blog

Well, I have news to report: we've had sex. Twice. I'm no longer a virgin. It wasn't exactly the earth shattering, change your life kind of experience some report. I don't feel any different, about myself or her.

It could be that neither time lasted very long. The first time may have lasted a couple minutes and the second time probably clocked in under a minute. We weren't exactly going hot and heavy, I just seemed to be unable to control the situation. So, anyone have advise on how to deal with premature ejaculation?

Well, my new relationship is going well, except that I definitely notice a decline in attraction when I orgasm. Even though we haven't had sex yet due to continued problems of ED, she has managed to cause me to ejaculate the last few nights. I haven't really discussed with her that I don't really want to ejaculate or that ejaculating may slow down my healing from ED. Previous to this recent bout, I managed 10 days without orgasm. I guess I figured I could control it, but she seems to be on a mission to "please" me in this way.

Well, last night she came over again. Things got pretty hot between the sheets. I did get a partial erection, but nothing strong or lasting enough to feel ready to move forward. She did end up giving me a hand job that lead to ejaculation. So I can't say I've been MO free. I'm wondering how this might effect my recovery process or my ability to get an erection.

Here is a prayer written my Marianne Williamson that I think many might find helpful. It has helped me deal with my issues of addiction and sexual health. I wanted to share it here. You could always adapt it to your personal beliefs or turn parts of it into a mantra.

Dear God,
May sex, like everything else, be in my life, or not in my life, according to Your will.
May it be an instrument of healing, of love and sacred power
For me and anyone with whom I am joined.
May its spiritual secrets be revealed to me.

So, I'm on day 29 of no PMO. I've met a girl and feel that things are going to move along rather quickly. I feel ready. Yet, now I'm concerned about ED.

When I was in high school many years ago, there was a girl who I knew liked me; she kind of spread the fact around with all our friends. One night I was going to give her a call and I literally sat with the phone for an hour. Sometimes I’d dial each of her phone digits except the last one, but then hang up the phone. This was for a girl I liked who I know as a fact liked me a whole lot. I never ended up calling her due to the extreme fear I felt.

It has been over half a year since I posted here, but I felt a need to check in.

I have continued to be off and on when it comes to being PMO free. The longest I made it to was 100 days. Right now I'm on day 16.

I was planning on writing tomorrow, as tomorrow represents 90 days of being PMO free. However, because I have so many things I'll like to write about and say, I think I'll just put it down today.

So, 68 days of being PMO free.

I've been having a strange feeling the last couple days. My dreams have been sexual, but of a rather strange sexuality that leaves me both shaken and yet wanting to run back to porn. I been feeling a sense of dread even though nothing really has been going on in my life to explain it.