Jacó's blog

God help me to say some things I think, so I can hear you about them!

I am sorry to say that today I fall. I don't remember how much (or many?) time I resisted. Today I fall.
But, can I say it's just a fall? I am not in a path to he dark side. What I am saying now is that I have hope. I masturbated with porn, and desire, but was not the same. I dislike it all the time, but I still don't have the pulse to stop.
If I go to the dark side (just an expression), I will come here to say.

Hi friends.

I have returned to my town to study.
Well, still fighting against mind. Porn? No! But the desire exists. Masturbation? I think I stayed more than a month and half without it. I did two weeks ago, and I became sad because this, depressed. So thoughts become more difficult to avoid.
I think I am in the right way. And I come here to fell the strength we have here. To re-start, avoid sad thoughts, depression.
May I say again? NO porn! May this go on and on!

I will continue here, because I still need help. The mind has its games, I need come here to deal with it.

Hi

I have some appointments here where I study.

I am fine. I am in vacation and it's a very good time. Only sky, the blue sky and trees. And they talk with me. They say they love life and the sun. Today I have seen the sun, golden, and he make all golden too.

And no porn, no masturbation. The thoughts are here. They come and go. Weaker they are.
I stopped two wet dreams, it's good, isn't it? I think so. I stopped them and retained the fluid.

I will come again. Only in February I will travel again.

thank you.

jacó

Just a thought.

It's necessary to be aware about the emotion that says: "I will test if I really avoid porn". Maybe this is a little dangerous.

Maybe the real test is not to test. Let porn just go, as the sun just go, as the wind just go, as the leaves just go and go... and it becomes forgotten. (?)

THanks. I love you.

jacó

Hi.

I am ok. I am enjoying a lot my vacation. No porn, except the mind. But she is getting easy with me. I masturbated these times, but without porn.
I hear a cd about "the secret of love". It talks about love and "the secret" in the spiritsm point of view.It's beatiful. I remembered reuniting articles. I would love to write about it here but I need more grammar and vocabullary.
I will try.

jacó

Hi

I am fighting, getting strong. I fall down and get up, like dopamine cycle. Maybe it is really the dopamine, and it's me too. I am in vacation, so I go for walking, see the trees and birds flying and singing.

I come to say merry Christmas (?). May this be a good time for all here in reuniting. May Jesus bless us all.

jacó

Hi

I am in vacation. I will go to my town to visit my parents, see my house, where I grew up, play with my dogs, walk and see the sky, the blue sky I will forever remember.

I will keep contact as I can, because I don't have Internet there. I use my uncle's computer there to communicate in Internet.

Thank you all that are here with me, bloging at reuniting.
See you.

Marnia says that guilty do not help in recovery. Today I was felling guilty. I did a mistake with my girlfriend, we discussed and I screamed with her. I became in shame about this, get depressed and all day long porn comes to my mind as a result.
We are ok now.

Guilty is an obstacle to recovery. I felt this. I do not used porn, no masturbation too, but I had the desire and the mind worked to create porn as I was desiring.

thank you

Hi.

Today I woke up and I noticed that I had a wet dream. But I did not remember the dream when wake up. I think the body did what he wanted without communicate this to me.
For me this is difficult. I masturbate after. I am still learning to deal with this. This is something I am not controlling well.

But I will control this. God helps me and I will conquer this desire.
I am happy. There is no porn. I still have the desire for it, but it's dying everyday.
Thank you for hearing me.

Jacó

I had a university work to show in class, and I got nervous. I did not sleep all night and porn comes to my mind all night long. I did not masturbate. I tried to change thoughts and sometimes it worked, sometimes not.

I think my mind used porn like: hey, if you don't see more porn, I will see the older.

Sorry, friends for the absence.
I will come to read the other blogs.

See you.