Jesse's blog

I’ll turn 70 at the end of the month and life is good. The whole family is coming out to a little watering hole in West Texas to celebrate. Still healthy – none of the major killers/robbers-of-quality-of-life have showed up. I’m still able to go out for a good long run or a bike ride or a yoga session nearly every morning. Still wake up with a woody nearly every day – and no steeeking Viagra, thank you. Still married after 40+ years with wonderful kids and a grandchild.

Once there was a boy who owned a fine boat. The boat was able to sail great distances and could navigate the most difficult waters, under the hand of a skilled pilot. The boy worked very hard to develop his skills and became very good sailing the waters of Bon Secour. One day he saw a beautiful girl and arranged a meeting with her. He fell in love and asked her to come live with him on his boat. She fell in love with him, too, and soon the two were living together happily.

My wife and I both take medication for high blood pressure. I have been for seven years, she for three. We measure and record our numbers regularly. A couple of months ago, we both noticed that our numbers were coming down. I have cut my medication to ¼ of the previous level while remaining in the normal range. Her numbers have declined to the low end of the normal range and her doc has told her she can quit taking the meds as long as her numbers remain good.

My wife recently read me an excerpt from Pontoon by Garrison Keillor.

“…Gladys’s husband Leon who had discovered Viagra and now … was up for sex. Viagra gave him a hard-on like a … Phillips screwdriver. …she tried to be a good sport. And then it took him forever. … the sight of the two of them in the dresser mirror struck her as hilarious. ‘Four hundred pounds of menopausal flesh bumping around and breathing hard.’ …Evelyn said, ‘Tell him if he needs to hump something, you’ll thaw out a chicken.’”

Just received Diana Richardson's book Slow Sex. After a quick glance it appears her approach is substantially different from her previous work. And I was especially excited to see Marnia's Cupid's Poisoned Arrow listed on the Books and Resources page. Looks like good reading.

I discovered reuniting.com and Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow about a year ago. Marnia and Gary’s work changed my life and from the beginning I hoped that it would change Christine. Here are the learnings that have affected my life – some I’ve been successful at; some I’m still seeking:
• No porn. No solitary masturbation. No fantasies.
• Engage in frequent bonding activities.
• Strict karezza – no goals – do not strive for orgasm – of any kind.
• Run up the giving score and forget about the getting score

I need to reconnect with this community ... Snowy Owl, rediscovered, Quizure, A.C., Simone and of course Marnia. Soon ...

After six months, it seems we have reached the harmony we have been seeking in our practice of karezza. Actually, I believe almost all the behavioral and attitude changes have been on my part as much of what I have learned, my wife knew all along. Here is a list of what I have learned this past month. Reading it over, I feel so dim-witted that it took me this long to get on board:
• Communicate
• Relax
• Get out of your of mind, into your body
• Give
• Don’t try to fix her

I'm reviving this article from a couple of years ago. Another blogger referred me to it. Although it doesn't use the term karezza, it comes closer than anything I have seen to describing our experience, particularly:

I began this month on a positive note. Our karezza-based relationship was going well and I felt like my wife was making a lot of progress in catching up to me on this journey. I thought that my biggest problem was not being able to avoid orgasms during our lovemaking. But about mid-month a much larger problem surfaced and now harmony is elusive.