Karezza Korner's blog

(emerson) My wife was deeply worried that I would be unhappy now that I quit masturbating and am looking solely to our sexual union to meet my needs. I, in turn, became very clingy and needy and altogether unpleasant.

We had some conversations about it. I said, "Let's try to have regular snuggly time, with or without intercourse, every day, before bedtime and upon waking."

She said, "That seems too rules-based and mechanical."

(clarity - female) Today I gave a presentation and totally rocked it! Also, I could read the crowd really well. And I could feel when I was done and that if I kept going it would all start to unravel. So I just stopped. Yeah, much easier than usual.

(Darryl) [Giving advice to another forum member] When I first started to practice being non-orgasmic, my wife admitted that she had sometimes used sex as a way to get rid of me. I seems my attention towards her would dissipate after orgasming.

When I stopped orgasming this approach didn't fly. I was always desiring her, and she had no "eject" button to push. But it wasn't long before she was much preferring the new me. However we, too, went through an adjustment period like you are [where he wanted to cuddle and have sex more than she did].

(emerson) I had inexplicable ED sometimes. First, with my GFs I would compensate by getting good at going down on them and delighting them and me with giving oral sex. But of course that doesn't replace intercourse and eventually I'd lose the girl.I got over this mostly when I first met a girl that I ended up marrying. I still have ED now and then for no particular reason but here is what helped me: The bottom line is to realize that "I" had no control over my penis at all. It would do what it did.

We've been practicing non-orgasmic sex, but we still do regular foreplay often (although we have really cut back on oral sex). I feel that I would not be able to get wet, and ready for intercourse, if I'm not stimulated or "heated up" first. Is there a way around this? I don't want to have intercourse without being wet because it hurts, but at the same time I want to make sure we are not over-stimulating or heating ourselves up. Any suggestions?

(tornfromabook) We like to take deep breaths together when we stop moving. And sometimes there is a little giggling. :-)

(wfk007) Practice, practice, practice. It took us a few times to really start to get it. After a while there are things that happen in karezza that are better than orgasm—which is a good incentive. There is an energy transfer that can be amazing. There is also a relaxation response I get sometimes which is better than meditation. But that has come from practicing (and what a terrible thing to have to do, lay naked with a beautiful women!)

(Imnot - female) Last week I went out with a guy and I ended up talking to him about Cupid's Poisoned Arrow on the phone last night. He seemed smart and open-minded so I was comfortable talking about it. He was curious about it and ordered the book.

The way I phrased it was that I tend to experiment with unconventional solutions, and this is the next experiment I want to do. That way I didn't have to sound like I was propositioning him, or delivering a premature ultimatum, especially since I'm not sure if there are serious feelings on either side.

(Rachel) The main thing I have to say is that once you and your lover learn to be present and conscious (with no external intruding thoughts), with your minds focused on your genitals and your bodily sensations, you will find there is no right or wrong way. Things will go the way they need to go and for as long as they need to go.

(wfk007) During the honeymoon phase, I really didn't notice the O (orgasm) effect like I do after years of marriage. During the early part of our relationship, I never tired of having sex. It was all exciting for months.

But later what Cupid's Poisoned Arrow really clicked. Don't get me wrong, I still loved my wife, but I felt different. My brain wanted to try different partners just for the sex, not for a relationship. Sex with my wife became less exciting, and O led to the hangover effect (that I didn't understand until recently).

(Virgil) Once you develop a true understanding of the benefits of karezza, a paradigm shift occurs and you never quite look at the world with the same lens again. You come to realize that following the fertilization-driven genetic programming is what drives the extreme neurochemical cycling, and the resulting perception changes in how we see our partner and the world.