KOS-MOS's blog

Well, I figured I'd write something new after seeing what happened to my last one. Is that some sort of record around these parts?

"Tujh mein rab Dikhta hai" is Hindi for, "I see God in you."

This is what I feel every time I look at my love, I see him and there is God. His body, I see a beautiful temple.

I have always felt this way, but never had the courage to say it.

I figured something out about myself recently, I can even remember saying this thing aloud, and then forgot about it.

I think that ultimately, sex isn't something I care that much about, it's importance is illusory. Of course, superficially it feels like it is of the utmost importance due to what is gained, and I really don't think it's that different for anybody else. What I do think, is that the perception of what is gained, not what you're actually trying to get.

I just decided I'd use the date to title my blogs so I didn't have to be creative. I'm trying to break into the writing field, so I'm supposed to be creative! Maybe I like being able to relax when I'm writing just for me.

I've looked around a lot at this site, pretty much scoured every corner of it. What is compelling to me, is the sheer number of addicts around these parts. That is the most heartbreaking thing about the entire discovery. Sure, I knew sex addicts existed... I dated one! But seeing the other side of it is a mixed bag for me, it dredges up old hurts and new ones.

I should find out sometime either this week or next if I'll get to see my beau, we've been together for what seems like an eternity even though it hasn't been nearly that long.

Since beginning Yoga practices I have been paying a lot more close attention to how I respond to stimuli. I've come to realize I have a real inclination toward novelty, probably more-so than most people. I live a fairly idiosyncratic lifestyle, but at the same time keep myself on a pretty tight harness. When it comes to true vice, I don't let myself indulge much, though I recognize the want to indulge.

I began meditation yesterday after finding a great tantra-yoga support forum. One thing I have noticed in myself is that when I become interested in something, sometimes I let it consume me. In these lessons they state and re-state the need for pacing yourself, I am glad they did that otherwise it is likely I'd allow myself to obsess and harm myself (mentally). Still, I think I dug too deep and into things that I wasn't ready to hear, this created a deep welling of fear that ignited my body with some really bad energy. Eventually I was able to relax and fall asleep, thank you great universe!

The impact of revealed knowledge is huge.

I resisted a little initially, but whenever I find I have a strong (esp negative) reaction to something I tend to dig further. Is it egotistic to say I am glad that this aspect of my personality prevailed? This is almost taking on religious proportion, which in my past experiences have been negative, full of words, and scriptures. I, however, do not like labels. Knowledge is knowledge, and religion is religion. To me, they are separate things, but can also look the same.