ljermontov's blog

HERE I GO AGAIN

Submitted by ljermontov on

Well,it has happened again.I do not know who is to blame: stress on the job, bad sleeping because baby waking up,sexual exhaustion (sex every day).Suddenly I started watching other women,finding my wife not so sexualy atractive,compared to them.I then met my teen sexual fantasy,a widow,today 65 year old,I massaged her tits when she came to my home to ask my wife for a cake recepie.She gave me a phone number and told me to come over to her place ,but I resisted because I realized I love my wife and that this is a sin.

Want to continue PMO abstain,but how?!!

Submitted by ljermontov on

Well,strong as a rock,I promised to be,but here I am on the road again,on the road to destruction.I got well with the help of my fiancee,normal sex,I become happy,super horny,having sex was so good feeling.Now she is away for 6 month.10 days I am without her,I was sucessfuly avoiding PMO,my only problem was fantasies.I was daydreaming about us making love.Then on the day 8 without her,I went to her parents on the supper.I couldn't get my eyes of her sister,my future sister in law(think that her husband who is 65 noticed that,maby she did not,I hope),I started fantasizeing about having sex

REBOOT WORKS GUYS!!!

Submitted by ljermontov on

Reboot works.I am not completly healed,but I can say that I am 80% well.What has happened in 22 days.Magic of love,supportive and loving partner , slow return of selfesteem and offcourse strong motivation of advices and support given by Gary,Marnia,Emerson and other people on this site.

Had sex,and afraid of the next one

Submitted by ljermontov on

2 days ago I persuaded my gf (she is a virgin) to take off our clothes and start cuddling naked.I gave her few oral orgasms,and then,she gave me a bj .She cant get it fully up because I feel her hand like something strange,I am afraid that in her hand an her mouth it will go down,I am so full of anxious thoughts.But with few strokes of my hand ,it went up and I suggested that she comes and sits above me and rub her vagina on my penis.She said OK,but do not try to enter(she wants to remain virgin untill marriage,and she says that she wants to marry me) I started rubbing her,but suddenly I e

Cuddling and no reaction.Why?

Submitted by ljermontov on

A water on my mill wheel,at least I think so.The bipolar girl whom I was with in a distant relationship broke up with me,because she found another guy.And the girl I like went out with me for a couple of time,and now she is my girlfriend.She is catholic like I and she is very religious.She said to me that she is a virgin and that she is mad about me.She is working on the cruiser ship and in early May she is going away for the 6 months.Anyway for the time beeing she wants me to make love with her when she returns,my ability to wait for her and remain faithfull to her will show her that I a

RED ALERT,how to get out from maze of horror?

Submitted by ljermontov on

I am totally messed up today.After one month reboot followed by a lousy sex I went into a relapse,and started reboot again.Today is my day 6 ,and it was hard,felt so horny,did not masturbate,but pressing my penis on the bed caused erection,struggle with the fantasies were hard,I went on Online dating site and saw a few naked girls,and then I remembered my oath to God,went out of bed,started working small repairs around the house just to keep myself busy.

RELIGION and PMO

Submitted by ljermontov on

Well,it is official.The Lent has started.I am catholic and I told to my girlfriend that I cant have no more phone sex ,because I promised to abstain of PMO during Lent.I know,that if I can endure 40 days ,under religious ban, I won't relapse,and after I ll be able to do more days.My question is: is it selfish to use faith,religion as a support a mean of maintaining stability of personality,as a red X in order not to relapse?Can a religion be an useful tool in a process of rebooting and rewireing?

WHAT IS UP WITH MY BRAIN?

Submitted by ljermontov on

What has happend to our brain.What I have become.Yesterday a hot girl was vacuuming her car underneath my balcony,so hot,but i did not get any reaction at all downthere.With my girlfriend I was too tense,worrying of not able to preform,and I did not.Today I wanted to get ridd of porn stuff in my house,I deleted all,threw all DVD and I found a book of dirty stories from Literotica.I gave it one last peek.I read the story and instantly become rock hard.I threw that shit as well.This is an relapse even I did no MO.What has happened in my brain ,what is the reason it does not react to real st

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