pennylane's blog

I had imagined that changing my name from Discordia, goddess of chaos, to something a little more Beatles-esque would signify a new era for me, perhaps a life with a little more harmony and grace. Of course, it's not just an online handle that would create such change, but more like a reflection of what had been taking form already around me.

I started talking about EFT a while back (under my previous identity), and then stopped talking about it, mostly because I stopped using it. But, I'm back with it again. The emotions and thought patterns that are blocking me have become very clear over the last few months, and EFT is a very powerful tool to help us overcome our personal hurdles. I have actually signed up this time with a personal coach (online), because I'm serious about change now, and simply, I feel I need guidance. Still, there are so many great tips online for free. I really love YouTube for this, especially.

All that stuff I wrote the other day about focusing on spiritual growth and just letting go of the desire to find a partner, well it all sounds really good, but I don't think it is all that easy to do. I want to release feelings of neediness and desperation that seem to accompany my relationships with men I am attracted to, not necessarily the attraction that I feel towards men. I don't really think that I act desperate or needy with them, it is mostly kept inside, but I'm sure that it is recognized on some unconscious level.

I have been feeling pretty good lately. I had several bad months, beginning back in June, in which I seemed to be just jumping from one painful romantic entanglement to the next. None of which had any kind of physical expression, so it was just all the pain without any of the fun.