RedDragon's blog

I was edging to porn in my dreams on Friday night. Really, sometimes it's not fair. You avoid triggers and stay away from PMO all day and then the shit attacks you at night. Argh. Anyway I know that when I have porn dreams that the next day will be tough to get through. So I didn't turn on the computer. Flashes of the dream came and I diverted my attention. I stayed busy as much as I could. I went to sleep early. I woke up today refreshed and buzzing with energy. I'm actually a bit hyper.

Time to get back on the wagon.

I'm pissed off at myself. I'm exhausted.

I've gone without PMO over 60 days twice in the last 2 years. From July 2nd to Sept 20th (give or take a few days) I was PMO free. Then I allowed a trigger to get the best of me and I was MOing to fantasy and then I did it again and again. Then PMO again and again. I know the difference between being PMO free and addicted. I've climbed that hill twice. I'll do it again. 3rd time the charm?

I had my first wet dream last night. I was masturbating and ejaculated in my dream. Then I was with a girl. Anyways I ejaculated in my dream and was distraught, looking for the wet spots in the bed that I'd have to clean. They were huge. When I actually woke up I saw I had a wet dream. No spots to clean on the bed thankfully.

Last night I had a dream flirting with an actual girl. I take this as a good sign since I had porn dreams for quite a while. We were flirting and I was ready to make a move but I had to go to the bathroom first. Then I woke up with a big boner and had to go to the bathroom. :)

So I'm happy that progress is being made. I'm not having to many temptations and the porn chatter in my head has died down dramatically. [ok]

I'll be throwing my hat into the dating circle soon. Any suggestions? [kiss]

Today is day 15. Last night I had a dream where I deleted porn from my computer. After I deleted porn, more porn showed up. I deleted that and more porn showed up. The faster I was deleting the porn, the more showed up until I decided that I was going to give in and masturbate.

I changed my mind when I woke up, but today has been tough. I'm just trying to get through the day, stay busy, and refocus when my mind goes back to the dream and I'm tempted to jerk off. I know I'll feel much better tomorrow if I make it through today. :) [skepti] [schock] [ok]

I went a little over 3 weeks without PMO and then relapsed. Twice with porn, 4 times without. This pattern has been fairly consistent over the last 6-8 months. I put up a porn blocker, but YouTube has porn that the blocker doesn't get.

The progress is that I can go 2 or 3 weeks at a time without PMO. Then I end up binging. Even after I went 90 days I binged (that was almost a year ago).

The other progress it that I haven't subscribed to any porn sites and have mostly just used fantasy when MOing.

Today is day 15. Last night I dreamed that I was humping women. I ejaculated in the dream, but luckily didn't in real life:) Usually when this happens I have a rough day. It's been rough, but not too bad. I'm past the 2 week hurdle and am optimistic about getting to the 2 month reboot mark. I'm tired though.

I've semi consistently have gone 2-3 weeks at a time without PMO for a while, maybe 6 or 7 months. One time last year I went 90+ days. Every time I masturbate, I end up binging, usually 4-6 times in a 48-72 hour period. Then I get back on the wagon. I want to break this cycle.

I've been away from the site for a while and know it's time to check back in. It's been a bumpy road recovering from porn addiction. I've gone a week or two without any PMO, then relapsed, then another week or so. The relapses are usually a 3-4 day binge where I may masturbate 5 or 6 times in that span. One time I went 40 days without PMO. [bigsmile]

I'm back on the train. For the next 60 days, the most important thing in my life is getting back in balance. Porn, masturbation, alcohol, and marijuana have been the main indulgence that have kept me out of balance. I've tried cutting out the porn and masturbation while drinking and smoking. It hasn't worked well. I've gone 2 weeks w/o PMO (but drinking and smoking) then masturbated 6 times in 2 days. Then a week and masturbated 5 times in 2 days. So now I'm going without PMO, alcohol and marijuana for 60 days. [ying]