Hi all. Well, its been nearly 8 days since my first bout of Karezza-style intercourse, and I thought I'd do an update.
Well, my husband and I did Karezza for the first time last night :) . After having done Bonding Behaviors for 3 or 4 weeks, we felt ready and so we tried it :) :) . I have to say, it was really wonderful for both of us...very satifying (in the non-orgasmic sense) and loving, with a glow that lasts instead of fading :) :) :) . Karezza really is the way to stay in love forever, or to fall back into love if you are estranged...and we were sexually and emotionally estranged for 10 years!
I have mentioned elsewhere that due to a low-carb diet I've lost quite a bit of weight. Well the other great thing that is happening is that I am losing what I call my "cortisol belly"...a kind of pot-belly that diet and exercise dont get rid of because the cause is hormonal. Well, I noticed today that my cortisol pot-belly is almost gone. I chalk this up to doing the bonding behaviors, pure and simple. If more women knew about this they would insist upon their husbands doing BBs with them.
Now where was I? Oh, yes...
I just got a really interesting Private Message from someone who told me, in the most passive/aggressive, deniable and provocative way possible, that they want me to not voice my dissent with certain issues/people on this site. With all due respect to everyone here, no one is being forced to comment on my blog. I was told I could use this blog as I need to. So far, I have not violated any of the written rules, but it seems that I have violated some unwritten ones. All I can say is that I am not forcing anyone to read or comment on my blog.
OK, I have to get this off my chest because of something that just happened. I'll let what happened just a few minutes ago go, except to say that someone completely inadvertantly and innocently triggered me into a huge reaction that hopefully telling about this will help to stop in the future (my reaction that is). Anything that reminds me of what I am about to tell you triggers intense self-protective reactions in me that I cannot control. I have never told what follows to another living soul.
PORN TRIGGER ALERT:
Well, I just found out that I could probably get a B.A. in Psychology online from Penn State, and now I'm scared shitless. The tuition is almost $6,000.00/semester, and my husband nets under $15,000.00/year while I, of course, am a housewife earning zip, nada, zero. Even if I got a part-time job, it wouldn't begin to cover tuition costs, not to mention books, etc. Could someone out there please tell me that a combination of loans and grants and such are a possiblility? In other words, I scared that this is a false hope.
I was thinking about Daffy's post, and my response to it...about how I used to get angry in proportion to how much I love my mother (and just for the record, I DO love her, and my father, very much). But that isn't all there is to it. Actually, if I'm going to be honest, I used to get angry with her in inverse proportion to how much she deviated from the mother I needed her to be. To my mind, that is a very different thing altogether. I used to be emeshed with my mother, and indeed, with my whole family, too...very much so.
I was in college for nursing, and one of the required courses was Child Psychology, and the professor who taught the course must have seen something in me, because I was in the habit of studying in the cafeteria between classes, and he one day he came to my table and asked if he could sit down. I was afraid that he wanted to get into my pants, but I said yes anyway because I was curious about what he wanted, so he sat down, and over the course of that semester there developed one of the most important relationships of my life.
So somebody asked me once: "what is you first memory?" My first memory is wanting to be dead when I was three years old. I remember it was my third birthday party, and someone stood me on a chair and they sang "Happy Bithday" to me and I stood there and started to cry and wished I was dead.