Tantra11's blog

There have been new developments in my journey, and it's been long and strange! To recap, let me say that my journey began maybe a year ago, with me becoming increasingly frustrated at my inability to stop masturbating to orgasm. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and ejaculation drains me of energy I need to use to heal instead. Acupuncturists told me this too, but I just could feel it. It wasn't good, and I actually didn't even really enjoy the orgasms most times. If I held off for a week, I'd start to feel some energy come back, but along with it, came the horniness.

April 30th was day 111 (26 days since last dream orgasm) of my commitment to orgasmic renunciation. Yvette drove down to celebrate Beltane with me, and, assuming we hit it off, I had to decide what to do about my non-orgasmicality. Talking to her, I got more of a sense of what others were talking about when they would describe the difficulty of getting their partner on board with Karezza. Before talking to her about it, I guess I had the foolish notion that since *I* was so on board with the idea, that all potential partners would also be.

April 30th was day 111 (26 days since last dream orgasm) of my commitment to orgasmic renunciation. My last entry on April 4th was so long ago, I can't really remember what it was like, but luckily, I've been writing letters to a friend of mine. Here are some excerpts:

Day 85 of commitment to no orgasm.

Day 47 of celibacy, about a week since last wet dream. Weird things going on in my body, it seems. I've never had two dream orgasms in one night, and each one was pretty much just the orgasm, no (or very, very little) ejaculative part. It's usually the opposite (i.e. just the ejaculatory part and very little orgasm part). The first one, I tensed the pelvic muscles out of habit, but not the second one. I don't think I've ever had dream orgasms spaced only a week (6 days even) apart either. Ever!

Yesterday morning I had a dream orgasm. (Don't remember the dream, unfortunately.) I clamped down with the pelvic muscles and stopped most or even all of the ejaculate, but it was a moderately strong orgasm in terms of the pleasure sensation (it's rare for me in to have much pleasure sensation in wet dreams).

It happened just like described: two weeks of white knuckling it, and then the strong cravings passed. Now it's been over a month, the longest I've ever gone while single and probably pretty close to the longest I've gone ever. To be safe, I'm going to wait for the two month mark before celebrating a personal record--longest time gone with no orgasm since pre-pubescence!

In part I, I described how I got CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). I'm not sure how much daily ejaculation and orgasm had to do with it, but they probably were some part of the cause--yet another drain in an already over-full life. However, even after I was down and out with CFS, I was still virile, denying that there was any ill effects. Eventually, however, perhaps because I got older, I started to really feel the effects.

I'm a 37-year-old single man who has a long history of experimentation with sexual alchemy with little success. Having found this site, I'm hopeful that the approach here might actually work for me, as I've definitely resonated with the idea of me being a slave to dopamine in many ways as well as other things. As you read what I hope doesn't become a long, self-absorbed treatise on my entire life, you might be able to help me as I start out on this new and exciting path. I also hope to bring my experiences to this community and help those who I'm able.