time_for_change's blog

Quick recap: 100 days abstinence, relapse on New Year's Eve, new commitment on Jan 1st to a whole year of abstinence...

...which lasted 10 days! Yes that's right, although I recently basked in the glow of a 100-day success, I'm now unable to manage a fortnight. Jan 11th and I was watching the dodgy late night TV... p/m/o. Next day m/o. What I have here is a classic snowball situation, but having been here before I've recognised it quickly and pulled myself up sharp.

By an odd coincidence I completed my 100 days of no p/m/o on Christmas day, not a bad present! For the last few weeks I haven't had any major urges, and have been able to curb fantasies quickly when they arise. It's been a calm time (except for the whole Christmas-madness-season, that isn't calm!)

It's been mostly going well recently, but I sometimes have days (like today) were I feel the urge to act out. However, maybe it's because I've been at this so long, but I find I can be almost an impartial observer to the feeling, I notice it there and it's hard to bear but I can observe it without acting on it and know that it will eventually pass.

I hope that I can retain this ability, because no matter how long I abstain for I think there will always be days when the urge is there.

It's been a while, but I thought I'd make an entry to keep track.

Still going well, I seem to have settled into a good state of mind and am mostly rejecting fantasy as soon as it arises. I've lapsed a bit with meditation recently, and I've had some fantasy thoughts start to take hold, so I must return to that. Tackling fantasy really is the key for me, because if I can keep it in check then I don't get any urges to masturbate or look at porn, it's like I don't even have to deal with them.

Being a practised abstainer/relapser I've travelled this early territory many times before, but this is the first time I've managed to meditate fairly consistently while abstaining and it is great help - I'm noticing fantasy thoughts arise pretty quick and stopping them before they take hold. My mind actually feels stronger on occasion, it's like I have more control over my thoughts than I used to.

Been ok the last few days, the biggest danger for me at the moment is letting myself lapse into fantasy when encountering a trigger. I've learnt from previous experience that abstaining from p/m/o is no good unless I abstain from fantasy too. I've found meditation to be useful here, and this week I've (almost) stuck to a daily 10-min meditation session. When I do this in the morning I find that for the rest of the day I notice any fantasy arising in my mind a lot earlier, and so it's easy to stop and not follow it.

I'm going to have to keep posting regularly here or the maths trying to figure out what 'T minus' day it is will get too difficult

It's been 18 months since I last posted here, but I've decided I need to make myself publicly accountable again if I'm going to get out of the porn loop for good.

It's good to see a supportive community still going strong here.

Four months ago I returned to the site and made yet another commitment to abstain from p/m/f/o... thanks to the support of folks here, this was the time I cracked it and I managed to push through reboot and find myself in a much better place.

It all started a week or so ago. Abstaining had become a way of life, I was finding it natural to abstain, it was easy, I was Super-Abstainer Man! I thought about posting something, but I could see the 100 day point on the horizon so I thought I'd wait until then, and mark it by imparting some Super-Abstainer Man! wisdom to the forum to help those still stuck in the porn-masturbation loop like I had been.