wanttodeaddictmyself10's blog

Sorry that I have not come back for a really long time. Its almost a year and 2 weeks past after I had started my de-addiction programme.

Its past 11 weeks now, without porn, I get insomnia sometimes, but when I start to sleep I sleep well. It is a little tough time as I can see that I am tempted to do things like shopping in want of dopamine. Also I am getting urge to buy ebook readers which is visually stimulating ,also electronic stuff citing the need for me to educate myself in my work. I am also getting urge to eat sweets and crisps(chips) guess dopamine is playing. It was little frustrating but I want to keep this up without budging into temptations.

Almost going to finish the 8th week without porn hurray! This Tuesday will end my eighth week of abstinence. I had orgasm once in dream, when I dreamt of making love to my wife, no other images or influence made me to orgasm. I didn’t feel guilty for that, but due to the neuro-chemical cycle, I have some lag in my daily activities, like forgetfulness and less concentration on what I do. I understood that this is the toughest week and I am confident that I will keep going without porn throughout my life.

6 weeks over and going strong without porn. In fact i don't have any idea of seeing porn as I started to enjoy life without it. I get plenty of time to sleep and I sleep completely with less distrubance, spend time with my wife and work on my drawing and painting hobby. We are following carezza and bonding techniques. I had orgasm with my wife twice last week, so lost concentration and awareness for few days. My wife reminded me of my loss of awareness and I understood that and now trying to be aware.

Its been a while I have not updated my blog. I am recovering from some stomach bug. I thought it was a pain that comes due to porn de-addiction but My doctor concluded that it is a viral infection. I sometimes still have that urge to look at computer and check e mails obsessively. My wife reminds me of this often and I tend to notice it too and be alert. I spend spare time learning to draw and paint and the rest with my family.

Its been 3 days now, we tried karezza for 2 days and found that since we have not tried it for such a long time (2 hrs or more) it gives my wife a pain in the lower abdomen, I am not sure if this is normal or not. So we left karezza for few days now and will try it later for smaller duration first and then planned to go further.I need to mention here that I orgasmed once while doing karezza 2 days back, it was little disappointing for my wife and me but we laughed it off with some fun.

The weekend was very happening. We went to a BBQ party at my friends home and enjoyed the evening with fun and games. I could see that socialisation helps me a lot to come out of this addiction fast.

I woke up early in the morning today, as I need to go for an Interview. I am going for an Interview after 2 years, this is the first one in the series of Interviews I am planning to attend. I realised recently that when I moved to the new country, I reduced my capability and started to work in a Job which I was doing 5 years back.

Its going to be end of second week, Yes! tomorrow is when I will finish the second week of my abstinence from porn. My wife rewarded me with beautiful gifts. Some books on how to draw cartoons and books on drawing and painting. I also got a set of professional pencil and notepad for re-entering into my childhood habit of drawing and painting.

Didnt see porn till now..
The karezza we tried yesterday night was not that excellent as the first day. I found out that we had some pain and guilt cycle going on in our mind and were not able to concentrate,so we stopped and went to bed after 3 hours.