Xerious's blog

Hope everyone is doing good on their road to a better way of living!

My road is going well. I didnt see some curves so i drove off the road, but im back on.

I went to the SAA meeting yesterday. It's good to hear them speak about their problems. It brings me reassurance that one day, i will be in their shoes. One member is 18 years sober. That's amazing.

I had some questions that i wanted to know -

Can i masturbate? (without looking at porn)
If I'm doing stuff with my wife, can i cum?

That's it.

Not much done today. I masturbated but didn't finish. I guess thats a good thing.

Im tired and moody as all hell. I woke up this morning so angry but i don't know what about. I keep waking up with erections also. I think its funny. Its like im 13 again, .

Everything else is good today. Been to busy to really think of anything. I was not at home all day which was good. Too bad this doesn't happen everyday.

That's all that needs to be said.

I am troubled by something my wife has told me before but i didn't really pay any attention to it till last night. Maybe someone can explain to me what this is.

Wow. That’s all I can say. What a beautiful day today has been. I feel so strong today. I had a couple urges and turned them down like they were nothing. My mind and body are screaming in excitement! I’m not going to tell myself that everyday will be like this. That would only set me up for disappointment. So I’ll take these days when I can get them and enjoy them to the fullest extent!

I knew it would be too good to be true.

I'll start off on the extremely rough night i had last night. It got to the point i had to leave the room and sleep in the living room because i didn't want to keep being tempted to masturbate. Needless to say i didn't sleep at all. Morning comes around and its time to take a shower. I have been avoiding taking a shower with my wife so i wouldn't be tempted to do something. But today i wanted to try some techniques i had read earlier. Ways to help me cope with my withdrawal but also allow me to not go through this again.

so far, today has been hard. Im trying to occupy my mind to keep me from thinking about porn or masturbating. Its not working. Every time i try to think about something else, or go do something to get my mind off of it, i just think about masturbating and looking at porn more.

I really feel sick for some reason. I guess its the withdrawal symptoms. I'm hot and cold at the same time. I feel very uncomfortable, like i cant find a comfortable position to sit in or even my skin. Just feels weird.

How many times i have already been down this road. I go a couple days without masturbating or looking at porn but that pain, that feeling finally over takes me and i go back. I made it my new years resolution to stop. , how many times i have made this same resolution.

I feel like a zombie when im looking at porn. All i want to do is look. I want that feel good feeling all the time. hmm, how far down i have fallen to this sickness...