In the midst of recovery

Submitted by Lutus45 on
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Well its been nearly 2 and 1/2 months since I quit porn and that has gone well with just a few times of difficult temptation (and I suppose a few short instances of very softcore stuff). I went a month without O and since then its been about once every 1-2 weeks (preferring not at all). Sometimes I do some M but never to orgasm. So basically the times I have O it was with partners. I think it should be noted I am gay. I am not looking to have multiple partners in the least, I kind of experimented the last month and have found monogamy is for me.

Right now my challenges are twofold. I have a big problem with fantasy in the morning when I wake up, the thing is I tend to wake up after only 6 hours of sleep and I know I need more. So I try to get back to sleep but all sorts of lustful imagery/fantasy starts to pulse through my brain. I end up not sleeping and wasting an hour on fantasy which I know is not healthy. The simple solution is to just get up, but sometimes I am simply convinced I can get back to sleep and... So any strategies or ideas out there to help me sleep/keep off the fantasy?

My second thing is that I have tried to do the cuddle buddy thing, but it almost always goes too far. I know in the month that I did not O I got began to really need some sort of touch. I also just came out to my conservative christian family...who I live with while finishing my degree.. so needless to say stress levels are high! Any ideas there on how I can deal with my sexuality in a healthy way? Also, how far do you(personally) feel you can go in a relationship that has (for the moment) no long term commitment? At what point do you feel drained or unhealthy?

you should just get up

get up and get going with your day, and then take a nap later, even if you take a nap in a few hours, it's way better to just get up when your eyes open.

I don't have any other input on the rest of your question. Welcome here and hopefully someone else can answer the other parts.

am I doing better than I think?

Thank you Marnia! I forgot to say in my post my "thank you" to all the guys who have put their recovery stories on here. They inspired me to finally break free! I Read the "Tips for Former Fappers" and realized I did not have the same porn experience as the guys in that post. Porn never became my main source, rather I would use it once a week or so to fuel my fantasies. The post talks about being desensitized because of porn. I don't think I ever got there. In fact I am often too sensitive in bed; sometimes I can barley have any one touch my genitals without getting completely wired and close. Is this healthy? Or is it from porn or masturbation? I am wondering because I want to know if I ever needed 'rebooting' or if I have a ways to go. I do know that either way I am very glad I cut out porn and masturbation, now its just the fantasies I suppose...

>_<

Ooof, messed up big time today with P. First time in nearly 3 months. I will move on... but am afraid of starting the pattern again
.

staying active

I think this time it was probably boredom/too much time on the computer that got to me. I exercise regularly, and tend to do something socially everyday as well. I do have trouble accomplishing tasks sometimes, so when I have a project I can't seem to break through I get distracted and bored and end up in dangerous spots.

Sleep Quandry

I still struggle with porn and lately have been able to go a month at a time w/o using it, but then I'll have a bad week or two. Trying to pull myself out of a current slump.

I have recently discovered something interesting about my sleep cycle and O. As with porn I can go a month or so without MN or O, however during that time sleep becomes difficult and I end up getting about 5-6 hours at the most. However if I O before bed (or when I wake in the middle of the night), I can get a good 7-8 hours of sleep like I need. I am thinking of taking up MN and O again for strategic reasons; I am tired of getting exhausted in the middle of the day and not being able to function fully especially when I know a remedy. Is there anything I can do to help my sleep without O? I have tried multiple supplements and diet changes but nothing has worked. Otherwise, how bad for me is it to MN and O 3 times a week?