When a Karezza relationship ends

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Submitted by Zia on
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I'm guessing the purpose of most of us here, including myself, is to use Karezza as a way to bond with a partner and that through this approach, will hopefully find ever deepening love, sexual satisfaction and no more break-ups! However, I'm curious about what happens when/if a Karezza type relationship ends on its own (without falling back into the passion cycle).

Has anyone done the exchanges and then found that you weren't really 'meant' for each other or maybe your lives took you in different directions? If so, how was the separation compared to separations after relationships that didn't practice karezza? Does the bonding allow you to stay closer friends and move on easier to other relationships?

Has anyone used the exchanges as a way to find harmony with someone you cared deeply about, but who you weren't or they weren't committed to as a life or long-term partner? How was that experience?

Has anyone ever used the nurturing (non intercourse) exchanges specifically as a way to separate with ease, and/or as a way to heal resentments for how a relationship may have gone sour from conventional sex?

If there's a post on here that answers any of these questions, please let me know. I did a search and couldn't find any.

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Karezza

is not superglue. It just gives you a good shot at not breaking up purely because biology is pulling your strings.

Also, I think it's the safest approach because even if things don't work out, there's usually a deeper sense of trust and safety between partners. They tend to look at it as a nurturing experience, and tend to try it again in future relationships. Diana Richardson remarks on that in her books, too. If men and women aren't getting something out of this approach, why do they introduce future partners to it (and in her case, bring them to her week-long workshops)?

Marnia, I can believe that. I

Marnia, I can believe that. I wasn't really looking for it to be superglue. In asking these questions, I'm actually hoping to find people who have split up. I'm very curious about that because I've been through so many difficult separations and am curious how that deeper sense of trust and safety would lead to easier separations.

Although my last relationship

Although my last relationship hardly ended in an ideal way (I had a long term illness, he had a pornography addiction, and we lived 300 miles away from one and other) and there was upset on both sides, I would say that karezza definitely made the break-up cleaner than it might have been. There wasn't any great resentment on either side, and after a couple of difficult months adjusting to not being a couple we are now almost as good friends as we ever were. I still have his password for his porn-blocker: he sent me flowers on Valentine's day because I'd mentioned a couple of weeks back that I wanted to go and get some to brighten up my room and he realised that I had been too ill to actually do it.

Neither of us try to win the other back - we know that our lives are moving in different directions and that dating again would just bring heart-ache - but the closeness we gained in all the bonding that we did remains. This is demonstrated both in an ability to talk to each other openly about pretty much anything (including potential new partners) and also in our ability to continue to nurture each other in a healthy way outwith a relationship.

That's my answer anyway.

Hugs, Kat

wow, thank-you for that. That

wow, thank-you for that. That sounds similar to when I separated from my first long term partner. We were together as partners for 4 years but stopped having sex after the first 1 - 2 years (end of passion cycle). We stayed sleeping together and practicing non-sexual bonding for another 2 years before we decided we really did want sex in our lives (and at that point had no idea how to resolve our own lack of sexual interest in each other). When that happened, we moved on with some sadness to new partners, but stayed very close and (non-physically) intimate friends for many year (to this day).