Can anyone explain this??

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Submitted by FREE on
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Today is day 16 of my reboot and I am dealing with a really rough post PMO hangover...BUT I didn't relapse.

Even though I am still on a clean reboot, I am crying, getting angry, feeling hopeless, and worse --just like I would feel after a PMO binge. I don't understand how I can feel this way, IDENTICAL to how I feel after a PMO binge, when I haven't even looked at P, didn't M or O.

The only things I can come up with is that

1) I binged on movies this weekend. After a hard work week last week, I did nothing but relax and lie around my apartment over the last 2 days. In total I watched 6 movies. Non of them sexy. No nudity. But they took me though the gamut of emotions: weepy love stories, action movies with revenge and violence, and comedies, even a foreign film thrown in. Could this be why I feel so bad today? Is my brain so damaged that I can't even experience strong emotions without having a PMO hangover?

2) I had a short but intense burst of fantasizing about one of my favorite erotic stories. The scenario played in my head a few times, it got really intense, I got really horny, and even had a semi erection. But I didn't touch myself, didn't M, didn't O. Did jsut fantasizing cause this emotional fallout?

Can anyone explain this? If anyone has ideas or has experienced this kind of thing, I would love to hear about it. I'm confused and discouraged. I'm not PMOing so I don't feel like this!

Comments

Hey buddy, seems you're

Hey buddy, seems you're getting quite some days in lately, respect for that and keep it up!

Regarding your question, it could have to do with the nonlinearity of the reboot. I'm in a similar spot, feeling down lately. Perhaps it's an attempt of our bodies to trick us into relapsing so we "feel" better.

Distraction seems to work. Socializing with other people, working out, playing video games. I also know I haven't been working on my study as much as I wanted to, that could also have influence in my case.. perhaps there is some non-reboot related issue for you too?

You may be right about non-reboot related issue..

There are (STILL) thoughts of my ex girlfriend. It's been so many months and I am still grieving. I wonder if I will ever get over her. Rebooting seems worthless right now, as I doubt if I will ever be/feel attractive enough to find another girl to love me.

I am seriously questioning if it's just easier to be an addict than dive into the void with blind faith that I will land a healed man.

Thanks for dropping a comment. Good to hear from you, Thebeg. I love your new avatar BTW!

It's been over 3 years that I

It's been over 3 years that I broke up and I also still think of my ex from time to time even though I don't think it would have ever worked out. This is the best way but still in my head I tell her about my situation and how it affected our relationship at the time. When I saw her a few weeks ago, I didn't mention anything :S So I'll just let it rest, that part is just over.

Actually, the moment that you spend time with another woman, your ex will fade from your mind. You probably miss the good feelings from the relationship that you had with her rather than herself..

I'm at the same point as you right now. Things are really tough. I feel mostly really bad, unworthy, etc. I've stopped posting my own blog here on reuniting, after seven months of trying there's nothing I haven't written before and nothing I hven't tried to help myself. I just try to support the other guys here, help them.

And yes I like the avatar too :) I couldn't find the old one after the forum was upgraded so I got a new one :)

It IS the good feelings I miss

My sadness is over my belief that it was my ex that created them and that no one else can create them. So, since I lost her, I have lost my chance at good feelings. Like you, I have to let it rest and let it go.

Even though you're not posting here, I hope you are moving towards a better place with each new day. Your posts are always fresh and full of good stuff -- they never seemed repetitive to me. I love hearing about your ups and downs and your stories of dancing and your cuddle buddy adventures.

You are so supportive to the guys here; I hope you are supporting yourself too. :)

Well, realize that the good

Well, realize that the good feelings with your ex were inside YOU. So technically you created those feelings. Of course those feelings come forth from the fact that she was with you... but then again she made you feel good because you in turn made her feel good. It's about the combination of two people and you cannot discount yourself in that respect.

So please be aware that the goodness and the cause of it is not completely outside you. That also means that eventually you'll be able to have these feelings with another wonderful woman.

About not posting: I'm not really sure about it but it also feels a bit like another desperation attempt. As I still haven't found "my way" of getting through this reboot I'm constantly trying new angles of approach. Maybe posting makes me feel good and secure so I slack and relapse.... maybe I just feel depressed lately and find myself unworthy of posting..

I've noticed that my self-efficacy has hit an all-time lowpoint in this regard. I am no longer convinced that I can do this... of course this is a result of seven months of attempting and failing. It's not even possible for me anymore to reach that momentum-phase that you get after 2 weeks of abstaining. So I'm trying to work on repeating positive affirmations in my head that I can do this. It doesn't seem to work though... the more I think about the reboot the more depressed I feel. It even happens while typing this.

So you're right, I'm definitely more supportive towards the other people here than to myself... I just don't believe I can cure my case of auto-eroticism (I also moved back to watching porn lately).

Aw man...

It's hard to hear you're struggling again. This sounds like such a hard time for you. Damn. I've been there (a lot) and it sucks to know you're going through it now.

And I respect the time you've invested in rebooting in the last 7 months. Your feeling of frustration and depression with your track record is totally understandable. But your story is in progress. Remember that!

Have you thought that maybe you need a break from rebooting? The times when I've gone the longest with reboots have started when I'm totally rock bottom. You say you're at a low point, but maybe that's necessary in order for you to produce the intense motivation to start over. Not just with another reboot, but start over to re-invent yourself.

I've been slammed with epic cravings lately too (I'm on day 21 today) and I feel it's only a matter of time before I fall again.

My parents are visiting me now and while with them I know I'll be PMO free. But when they leave next week, the demons will be front and center.

I think the affirmations are a GREAT idea. Remember this recent thread?

http://www.reuniting.info/node/11521

I'm not sure what affirmation you're using, but what about something like..

"I'm willing to release the pattern in my consciousness that has created this addiction to pornography".

It may take time, but it will work!

Stay strong, Thebeg. And be kind to yourself during this difficult time.

Thanks for your inspiring

Thanks for your inspiring words FREE. It almost seems like we've traded roles. I remember when I was going for a few weeks clean trying to motivate you and now it's vice versa :) I guess we really help eachother here.

The affirmations that I've been using are based on a video that I once saw:

"Despite my sexual problems I fully love and accept myself."
and
"I will finish my study and succesfully complete my reboot."

It's best to make the affirmation as strong and powerful as possible. So avoid the words "can", "want" etc. and use words like "will" and "I'm going to".

Today went slightly better. I started gaming a bit more lately and I suspect that when not playing I'm spending a bit too much time in front of my computer. It drains energy I've noticed. And two days ago I really binged on fastfood at MacDonals. It really felt like a binge too and at that time I wondered if I was going to have a hangover... it could explain why I felt to bad the day after.

I've been doing a lot of sports lately and also eating less (want to burn off some fat). That can also have had it's influence though in general I think it should only do good. My daily eating pattern is quite healty I'd say (not counting the fastfood binge here).

It's true..

We seem to have traded places for the moment. It's great we can help each other from both sides.

The key to affirmations from what I understand is to state them in the present and only include what you want.

I noticed something about the affirmations you included.

"Despite my sexual problems I fully love and accept myself." affirms that you have a sexual problem. If this affirmation comes true, you'll still have a sexual problem, but you will love and accept yourself. I think this is the format used with EFT to face and dissolve issues while tapping. I would avoid this as a stand-alone affirmation.

Instead try something like:

"I am sexually strong and healthy now."

And instead of

"I will finish my study and succesfully complete my reboot."

Try rephrasing this into two sererate affirmations and see if you feel more excited.

"I have completed my reboot and I am completely healed!"

"I am so happy and proud that my study is now completely finished!"

With the affirmations and the exercise and your mediation, I know you will be back on track and going strong again. Good luck!

And stay away from those Chicken McNuggets! I hear they kill. :)

FREE wrote:

FREE wrote:

"I am so happy and proud that my study is now completely finished!"

Happy: It might be helpful to not hinge future emotional states on an outcome in case an unforeseen problem arises and so as not to negatively influence the present.

Proud: Watch for words that can have implied shame either in the past, present, or future.

This is tricky stuff.

You are right, those

You are right, those affirtmations are based on the ones that are used when tapping.

I'm not sure if it works when you phrase it like you've already accomplished something that you're working on. As far as I understand, it's about changing the way you think of your own ability to reach a certain goal (I can't/unable to vs. I can/will do).

Hang in there bro

I like Permalink's idea. Reboots are not linear. Just hang in there, I expect that you'll pull out of it in a few days.

Hit the gym, exercise has helped me MASSIVELY in this whole journey.

Hang in there. We're all rooting for you.

Hope you're right

I need to get past this drama. Can't do this emotional yo-yo act any more.

Exercise! This may just be the thing to get me off my ass.

Hope you're well, singersewing.

How's it going Free?

Hope you're hanging in there! You will be 'healed' as you put it, if you can keep going.
I think that you are just going through mood swings and a huge range of emotions as you are getting rid of something that is linked to you deeply. (and also linked to your feelings to do with your ex?)
It can take a long time. Going back to PMO isn't going to serve any area your life.
Binging on films - well if you like films (and I do a lot) then it's great. There will be a big space left after the P has gone and it needs to be filled with something.
I was quite emotional in the same time frame as you but I too had a lot going on at the time.
Stick with it - eyes on the prize!

Eyes BACK on the prize

Thanks for that, IM. It's been easy to focus on all the rough emotional spots I've been experiencing lately and stay there.

My mood swings continue. In addition to my angst and loneliness over my ex (Yayyy...Valentine's Day!!!), I can add anger, impatience, and fantasies of aggression to my list of withdrawals.

Of course, they don't feel like withdrawals. It's the way I feel in that moment. The black loop of depressive thoughts is back, going around and around in my head with the familiar thoughts of hopelessness and pessimism.

I just want to give up. Not just the reboot, but everything. It seems like "What's the Point" is the title of my biopic, with me as the star, and the director, and the editor. It's the stupid movie I've tried not to make so many times, but that's the only script I have to work from.

So yeah, it's a bad time right now. When will I be the super upbeat guy doing backflips and cartwheels about my miraculous reboot?

It's nice to hear that you went through an emotional time also during the early part of your reboot. That's what I need to be reminded of.

Always good to hear from you, IM. Hope you're doing great.

Hi Free

I think we have all slipped into that, "what's the point way of thinking" and that it's normal to feel like that after a relationship has ended. The key is to getting out of it. You say that's the only script you have but the great thing about life is that we get to write our own new scripts.
You may not feel like the super up beat guy after you re-boot, you may still feel down about something. However you won't know unless you keep going and also one thing to remember you will be better off without PMO whatever happens. It is only going to hold you back or cause confusion.
Keep going to find out and remember it may take longer than you think.

Movies

Hi Free
Actually, you can hang over on movies, for sure. There's a Buddhist meditation center near my house and they recommend at least a week break between watching movies and doing one of their weekend sessions, because movies can destabilize the mind too much.
I'd suggest moderation in that. Recently during the nfl playoffs I watched two games one Sunday and was very erratics for a couple of days. Keep at it.

I think...

you are going to experience all kinds of bizarre things during reboot because your brains practically doing jumping jacks inside of your head. It's like you are holding a pillow over the face of that part of your brain that demands porn, and now it is flailing around before it dies. I have had all kinds of crazy dreams, cravings, emotions... I even dreamed about my ex on a few occasions even though it was the BEST thing that we broke up. I think you just have to embrace the "insanity" of the reboot until your brain begins to come back into balance. PMO hangover type emotions are just one of those things. It's actually a good sign that it is working!

I wonder if the TV

I wonder if the TV destabilization thing has anything to do with the fact that instead of seeing a solid image throughout, we are seeing about 30 frames per second, which amounts to a lot of very quickly strobing or flashing light. That seems to me like it wouldn't be good for you...

I can relate to everything

I can relate to everything that has been discussed above. I'm on my 50th day of no PMO and about 110 days of total rebooting. The first period I pmo'ed 5-7 times in the first two months. I have had good days and bad but I still really have not noticed that much of a change. I have become more comfortable at times speaking with girls, but I still lack the self confidence and libido / desire to really try to put in a sincere effort to talk to girls and be outgoing. I hit really stressful emotional lows and then sometimes will be happy and optimistic about my outlook. Its frustrating because I'd have thought I would have started to become more balanced by now. While people suggest that hte best approach is to not have expectations for changes that should occur during this process, I understand there suggestion and it makes sense but at the same time its so emotionally draining and sad that its hard to not have expectations because I don't like feeling this way and its hard to deal with the depressed feelings, stress of work, and school all at the same time. I don't get that many cravings now but when i do become depressed and sad that is when i am most vulnerable to just saying what the hell its just one time and giving into doing it. If it weren't for this site and the great support everyone on this forum, I would not have been able to make it this far! I am trying to stay positive and coming here to talk with others helps me stay motivated.