After 122 days, success!

Submitted by Absolvo on
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Hey guys!

Today I was finally able to experience sex again with a strong, healthy erection which lasted over 30 mins AND stayed rock solid for 15 minutes afterwards!. After 122 days of uncertainty and frustration I'm finally seeing solid evidence that the reboot has worked, and that my awful struggles with ED over the past few years are coming to a close.

In addition to abstaining from PMO and fantisization, there was one last thing that was holding me back. I feel relaxation is SO important! Once the body heals, sometimes you're still not able to use your unit because the stress gives anxiety-related ED.

I was unconsciously holding onto alot of tension in my chest and stomach. By relaxing I started to feel more from my belly, and it seemed to just power everything. When I'm relaxed I feel a tingling in my genitals, I naturally have fuller more fulfilling breaths, and when I see a woman that turns me on I feel overcome with that melty emotion radiating out from my belly which almost rolls my eyes. Now when I want to be turned on I just trance into relaxation and my whole body just gets charged, feels animalistic, and then wants to just aggresively ravage the woman I'm with.

I feel this may be holding others back as well, especially the really young guys. They maybe never knew this relaxed/charged feeling and without it I believe they may stay stuck in "thinking/tense" mode as I was. Within a day or two of committing to relaxation I immediately started seeing very strong improvemen! Also the kegal exercises and abstaining from orgasm definitely helped me last an insanely long time!

Thanks for all your posts and support so far, it's allowed me to stay committed when I was weakest. There's likely still a few challenges ahead but the worst part definitely seems over :D

Comments

wow, great post

thanks for your insight about relaxed/charged. I'm learning about this too through Karezza practice. Finding the difference between the two and how it is possible to be relaxed and very turned on at the same time. It happens naturally all the time if I'm by myself or wake up and she's asleep, but when I'm with my partner and we're engaging in sex it's different and I am learning how to relax in that setting as well.

Fantastic progress. You are a person who learns and observes and acts on what you've learned and observed, which is a rare combo today. You should be very proud of your accomplishments.

Thanks Emerson! I think you

Thanks Emerson! I think you and I share some very similar views on these issues. I really enjoyed your post on "what Ed taught me". I also believe that we're not really in control of things. Everything seems to just go so much smoother when I don't interfere with my body's workings at all and just watch the movie/dance unfold.

I think those ideas are very humbling and a bit scary at times. It takes a certain courage to let go of ourselves and trust that everything will be ok if I let go of the wheel.

Here is one of the most amazing books I've read on letting go and our true nature. It's definitely not everyone's cup of tea but I believe you will enjoy it aswell:
http://www.oshorajneesh.com/download/osho-books/Tantra/Tantra_The_Suprem...

Hey easypeasy!

Hey easypeasy!

For sure, I'll try. I guess it's a bit tricky to describe stuff like this using words, but hopefully somewhere in my rambling will be something that resonates with you.

Relaxation is a tricky thing. You can't really "make" yourself relax, just like you can't "make" yourself go to sleep. No amount of effort will help you to relax.

Relaxation is more like a letting go. Just like when you fall asleep, you eventually make the choice to let go of consciousness and then sleep kindof takes you.

This might be the clearest analogy I can conjure up. Just watch your body when you go to bed... The body kindof slumps, thoughts dissapear, and you get that melting feeling. Your eyes kindof defocus to some point just in front of you. This is relaxation.

You can still talk, pet a cat or do whatever, but it's all just flowing from your relaxed body, there is no effort on your part. Actions happen from your body in the same way you might turn and snuggle up to your pillow. No thoughts, your body just felt it wanted that.

You can keep that relaxed state all the time with a little remembering. You'll feel your body go through various emotions during the day, just let it do what it wants. If it wants to smile, let it. If it wants to be angry, let it. If it wants to rest on the couch, let it. 

This is the ultimate way to show yourself love, and is extremely respectful to your body. Your body is your guide on this planet, and if you let it do its thing it will show you the most amazing life you can imagine.

You'll notice that anytime you are depressed, nervous, anxious, upset that you are not in this relaxed, defocussed state. It means you've taken control of the body again and are ordering it around and not respecting it. When you notice that, take some time and relax yourself again.

Hopefully that's not too abstract. I feel this concept is so important but it can be hard to relate in words. I can try to elaborate on this more if you want

i try to live this way all the time

and you put it into words very well.

 

I got some coaching to help me with this. It's been tremendous. I associate certain somatic feelings with that relaxed, defocused state, almost like being ready to fall asleep. It's amazing. I do all my work that way. I work on remembering it constantly. I notice a sort of ecstatic driving always in the back of my head sort of, and an open emptiness in my stomach and instantly I'm in that state. It's hard to describe but it makes my work almost effortless and flowing.

 

I haven't brought this to the bedroom yet but now I'm gonna do that.

Awesome!

I'm so happy to hear about your success. Not just with your reboot, but with your sex life and your new clarity about your body and libido. Priceless!

Thanks for sharing about your relaxation approach. This is a great post that is inspiring for me in a lot of ways. I went back and read your first post and I can relate to so much of it -- the feeling of having screwed up my life and the anger with PMO for being such a pathetic 'go-to' for so long. Reading that you have left those feelings behind and are doing so well is...just awesome.

Continued Success to you, Absolvo! Keep us posted on how things are going as you move forward in your life.

FREE

Thanks FREE! Yeah Looking

Thanks FREE! Yeah Looking back at the past few years still brings out alot of crappy feelings, but I think it's ok because they seem act as fuel for motivation. I feel so fortunate that i found these forums, definate lifesaver!!

Lol, its pretty silly that if someone were to ask me what the greatest accomplishment of my life has been. I'd probably have to respond honestly "I stopped habitually watching porn and masterbating" :)

It's indeed something to be

very proud of. And the relaxation tip is excellent. I need to do your rebooting account. Any volunteers to help with that? I'm swamped with site upgrade fires burning. I'll put part of it some places right now.

So happy for you!

*big hug*

Exactly

Just do a summary. It can be as short or long as you like, because we can put a link to your blog at the bottom. I'll then pop it up on YBOP.

I usually try to include the starting point, some ups and downs and key turning points, and so forth. Send it to me via PM.

absolvo i could kiss you!

absolvo i could kiss you! this relaxation thing you describe works amazingly! Yesterday I had a completely random erection that just would not go away for like an hour, that hasn't happened to me in years. I already feel so much better, really excited to keep this up

Hey can you explain the

Hey can you explain the relaxation again?...Does it happen when you abstaining from PMO for a while? or it's something you have to consciously do?....Sometimes I do have approach anxiety or the initial anxiety when talking to a really hot girls.

Hey ibm,

Hey ibm,
I'll try to elaborate on relaxation... it's a bit different for everyone so I can only share from my experience.

Basically society has fed us a bunch of bs so our brains are all hopped up on believing that we have to compete, achieve and fight to be someone. Stuff like were not good enough just to be who we are and we have to change and constantly strive to be "better". This makes us constantly strategize and think, it tenses us up. Don't believe the hype!

Relaxation is what's left when you stop paying attention to these bs thoughts, and just chill. Give up, you're not going to win this society game, just accept that you've lost and enjoy watching the rest of the people run around like idiots playing this game of life. 

Ever seen guys who are really good with chicks? They don't give a damn because theyve given up....they're always laid back, unstressed. Even if they have shitty jobs and shitty rides, they don't care, they're just enjoying in the moment. They're not thinking about how to improve themselves or please other people, it's pointless...

When your chill like that you're not scared anymore. When you don't play the game, you can't lose, so you don't fear losing anymore. You can go to a bar and lean against it, and just check out a hot girl. You can stare at her ass, who cares, you're not playing the game, it's not like she's gonna embarrass you, you've already lost.

Funny thing, when you don't try you're much more natural and open to anything, and chicks will start to gravitate to you, and it's fun because you're like chilling in that losers box with the other people that got knocked out in this round of life, there's no stress, youve already gotten knocked out of the game..

  Also when you don't care anymore you allow your body to feel all those vulnerable feelings which give you an erection. There's no reason to try to get an erection, if you don't get one maybe shell laugh at you, but so what, you've lost the game of life already so it doesn't matter, it's just funny.

PMO abstinence will give you more energy, but giving up the bs game has to be your choice. Life is a crazy dance we can never understand, it has no point, no purpose and there are no goals to be achieved. You'll be dead soon enough so just give up the struggle, relax and enjoy.

I hope that helps to some degree...Like I said this is hard to explain but authors like eckart tolle and osho have written about this albeit a lot more philosophically.

Hey buddy

Just wanted to say this post is awesome and gives me hope. I'm only 11 days in, so I've got a long way to go, but posts like this one really helps to keep my eye on the prize. Congratulations.

Yeah ,Absolvo nice post,and

Yeah ,Absolvo nice post,and way to go.The number is kind a scary 122 !But we have no alternative,have you had any relapses and how did you cope with them.The relaxation described is awesome I cant put my mind at ease,my brain is filled with thougts of not able to make love to a woman ,so I m pretty tense,gonna try your method,nice job ,man,congratulations.

I like you're attitude

I like you're attitude jermontov, we really have no alternative! Abstain, or get dealt the same tired, shitty cards again.
I've had a few relapses, maybe 5 or six times where I masterbated one or twice for a day. They happened because I was soooo stressed! I don't want to give the idea that relapses were good, but I can say on the occasions that I did relapse (WITHOUT P!!) I felt a lot better and more clearheaded. It strengthened my resolve to keep going. I did feel shitty and unconfident for 2 weeks after each relapse though!

You gotta allow yourself to be vulnerable man, I know it might suck to be flat around a chick but you gotta be ok and chill with that. It's ok to tell a girl "I'm a sensitive dude and sometimes my unit doesn't work the first few times I'm with a new girl", gotta be cool with that vulnerability. Honesty is humbling, but that very humbling will also get you sympathy and give you courage.
Just hold your chick and feel her energy like you're back in the womb and relax into that. Relaxation can be scary cause it makes you vulnerable and were so used to being in a defensive posture, but have courage and don't bury your fear...feel it as intensely as you can and it will dissipate.

Hope that helps, good luck!

Nice advice,now I am

Nice advice,now I am recovering from relapse and feeling like crap,but I am also more determinated to go further more without PMO.There is no other option,and yes I do not want to be stuck on the same shitty cards,I cant get it up,so what,I ll get it up one day,just have to endure.Well said,very helpful words man, thnx a lot.