Some questions concerning Karezza...

Submitted by Tian2rayn on
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I've been reading this site for quite a while, and i can see that Karezza is definitely the way to go when it comes to sex. I'm actually very excited to put this into practise, but i have a few questions that are bothering me. I hope someone will be able to answer them :)

1. Would preventing my semen from entering my wife/girlfriend during sex be harmful to her health?

I read a lot of Tantra and various sexual health books lately, and a recurring theme seems to be that male bodily fluids nourish and restore the woman's health (and vice versa).
If i have a wife/girlfriend who falls ill frequently, wouldn't it be selfish to consume/absorb her vaginal secretions during sex (which i assume would make her weaker like me losing my semen) especially if i don't ejaculate inside her to restore the equilibrium of sexual fluids?

Therefore, wouldn't one recommend frequently ejaculating into her to improve her health, even if it may harm my health? (I've read that semen contains an extraordinary amount of nutrients). I don't see how taking but not giving sexual fluids can create a healthy sexual relationship.

2. Do women experience the Coolidge effect to the extent of men when they have regular sex? (In other words, if a woman has regular orgasmic sex with a man for a few weeks, does she start looking at other men sexually?)

3. Should i try to 'train' myself to become a better lover (through masturbation)? Or should practise total celibacy before i'm able to make love to a woman?

As an 18 year old young man, I 'need' another sexual release if i don't masturbate. My body craves for it almost everyday. But since i still live with my parents, i can't have a sexual relationship with a woman just yet. Is there another way apart from total celibacy?

4. How do i 'finish' during Karezza?
When i'll have Karezza sex, i won't be able to ejaculate or orgasm, so how am i meant to finish? I'm always very sexually tense after masturbation if i don't ejaculate.

Thanks to Mantak Chia's techniques in his book 'the multi-orgasmic man', i can prevent myself from ejaculating even after 2 hours of masturbating (i was free one day and i wanted to see how long i could go)- mainly by tensing my PC muscles and pressing my perineum. But every time i try to practise, it always ends in ejaculation anyway. Ejaculation is the only way i can remove sexual tension from my body (which is very tiring to contain for too long).

I have tried the technique 'the big draw', which removes the sexual energy from the groin. However, while this loses my erection, i'm still really, really sexually tense.

5. During Karezza sex, is the man still meant to take the 'Dominant' role?

6. Does a woman need a long time to appreciate Karezza sex, or will she enjoy her first experience - even more than regular orgasmic sex?

Thanks for reading. I really appreciate everyone's opinion (especially Marnia, who's husband must be a very happy man :P )

Hopefully others will also give you their insights on these

but here are my thoughts:

1. Would preventing my semen from entering my wife/girlfriend during sex be harmful to her health?

I've read that semen is good for women too, but nothing I've read indicates that it's sperm that gives benefits. I suspect that many of the nutrients are found in pre-cum, which tends to be produced copiously during karezza. In other words, I have seen no evidence that ejaculation is crucial to this benefit. Sorry. Wink

2. Do women experience the Coolidge effect to the extent of men when they have regular sex? (In other words, if a woman has regular orgasmic sex with a man for a few weeks, does she start looking at other men sexually?)

It's certainly possible, although in many women it shows up first as the desire to "remodel" her existing partner in some way. Biggrin

3. Should i try to 'train' myself to become a better lover (through masturbation)? Or should practise total celibacy before i'm able to make love to a woman?

Up to you. Just take care to avoid using Internet porn, or porn fantasy, for your training. For more: www.yourbrainonporn.com

As an 18 year old young man, I 'need' another sexual release if i don't masturbate. My body craves for it almost everyday. But since i still live with my parents, i can't have a sexual relationship with a woman just yet. Is there another way apart from total celibacy?

Wet dreams are one solution.

Most guys find that if they give up very frequent masturbation, they actually notice their libido isn't as overwhelming as they thought. In other words, the cravings are related to post-climax discomfort brought on by excess ejaculation, not genuine libido. See Do You Need A Chaser After Sex?

However, between those two events (daily masturbation and finding your true libido) lies an uncomfortable "withdrawal" period, perhaps with symptoms like temporarily insomnia, irritability, uncomfortable pressure in the genitals, etc.

If you want to experiment, maybe you could cut back gradually so your body has a chance to adjust. Go every other day for a week, then every third day, etc. You might find this FAQ interesting, too: Are there any guidelines for healthy masturbation?

Also: Help for blue balls...just in case.

4. How do i 'finish' during Karezza?

See How do you know when karezza lovemaking is complete?

If you get in the habit of making love slowly, in waves, then you have "rest" periods during sex. The last one is just longer. Smile

Here's what Wilhelm Reich (who was, in general, obsessed with orgasm) said about this gentle form of lovemaking:

1) Erection is pleasurable, and not painful as it is in the case of priapism ('cold erection'), spasm of the pelvic floor or of the spermatic duct. The genital is not over-excited . . . . The genital of the woman becomes hyperemic and, through ample secretion of the genital glands, moist in a specific way . . .

2) The man is spontaneously gentle, that is, without having to cover up opposite tendencies, such as sadistic impulses, by a forced kind of gentleness.

3) The pleasurable excitation . . . suddenly increases - both in the man and the woman - with the penetration of the penis.

4) As a result of mutual, slow, spontaneous and effortless frictions the excitation is concentrated on the [penis and vagina]. . . . According to the consensus of potent men and women, the pleasure sensations are all the more intense the slower and more gentle the frictions are, and the better they harmonize with each other. This presupposes a considerable ability to identify oneself with one's partner. Pathological counterparts are, e.g., the urge to produce violent frictions . . .

5) In this phase, interruption of friction is in itself pleasurable, due to the particular sensations of pleasure which appear when one is at rest; the interruption can be accomplished without mental effort; it prolongs the sexual act. When one is at rest, the excitation decreases a little, without, however, completely subsiding, as it does in pathological cases. The interruption of the sexual act through retraction of the penis is not unpleasurable, provided it occurs after a period of rest.

You also wrote:

Thanks to Mantak Chia's techniques in his book 'the multi-orgasmic man', i can prevent myself from ejaculating even after 2 hours of masturbating (i was free one day and i wanted to see how long i could go)- mainly by tensing my PC muscles and pressing my perineum. But every time i try to practise, it always ends in ejaculation anyway. Ejaculation is the only way i can remove sexual tension from my body (which is very tiring to contain for too long).

Careful of edging for hours. You don't need that much training. Wacko This may, or may not, be relevant: http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-if-i-use-porn-without-orgasm

I have tried the technique 'the big draw', which removes the sexual energy from the groin. However, while this loses my erection, i'm still really, really sexually tense.

Personally, I think contact with a partner is a critical piece of relaxation during sex. Techniques can only take you so far. Meditation might help. There's a good meditation here for quelling urges: Guided Meditation for Overcoming an Urge

5. During Karezza sex, is the man still meant to take the 'Dominant' role?

No rules on this. In our relationship, Gary is the pilot. We both seem to enjoy that. Make your own explorations.

6. Does a woman need a long time to appreciate Karezza sex, or will she enjoy her first experience - even more than regular orgasmic sex?

I would guess that she will need time especially if she is a virgin. In fact, you may even want to engage in naked cuddling for a night or two before adding intercourse.

Try Karezza in a Relationship First

I read your two posts regarding your study of Karezza and Tantra in order to become a better lover. Your first post has a very impressive reading list, looks like the syllabus for a college course on Karezza. You have certainly done more reading on the subject than I have. But sex is one of those classes that requires a lab session. No matter how much you read the key to learning is from actually doing it.

Before I comment directly on your questions let me give you some background. My girlfriend and I are juniors in college so we are just a few years older than you. We started Karezza a little over a year ago at my girlfriend’s request after she learned about it in a women’s studies class. The class presented it more in the historical context of women’s issues. My girlfriend is a psychology major and the topic intrigued her so she researched it further. We are not Karezza purists; we occasionally plan an orgasm and other fun stuff not strictly Karezza. So I don’t repeat everything I ever said, I suggest that you look at my posting history as I post from a Gen-X perspective and I assume you will be starting college soon.

My girlfriend and I both think it is awesome that you are so into Karezza and don’t want to discourage you in any way from that pursuit. Now comes the but; we think you should be realistic about sex and social life at most universities. Unless you are someplace like BYU, the social scene will likely be the same at most schools. You are either in a committed monogamous relationship or you party and hook up. That means you go to a party, get wasted, hook up, go to class, repeat. Those parties can be a lot of fun and if you want to just hook up great, but hooking up implies no commitment. You will probably not find random hook ups too interested in Karezza. Most people are told the whole goal of sex is a huge orgasm. If you have a relationship with a girl and you have some commitment, I know you said that isn’t your goal, but I think you would have a better chance at the type of sex you are looking towards.

I speak from experience about messing up a relationship and unhealthy sex. My girlfriend and I were together in high school and came to the university together. For a bunch of reasons we broke up during freshman year and tried to sleep with as many other people as we could—Marnia would likely blame the Coolidge effect. Academically we both crashed and burned from all the partying. Fortunately we started talking and got back together. It’s not that sex with a variety of people isn’t fun, but we have something a lot more meaningful. A year or so later is when we started Karezza, which I think has definitely helped the relationship.

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1. Would preventing my semen from entering my wife/girlfriend during sex be harmful to her health?

Marnia answered exactly what you asked and I agree with her answer. Now I will answer what you should consider regarding “fluid bonding”, semen, etc.—have you ever heard of STD’s? The highest rate age group is 20 to 24 years old—basically college age. Chlamydia is number one and gonorrhea is number two on college campuses. When my girlfriend got her birth control prescription refilled at student health they required STD screening at the same time. Unless you are absolutely and totally monogamous wrap that thing in rubber!

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2. Do women experience the Coolidge effect to the extent of men when they have regular sex? (In other words, if a woman has regular orgasmic sex with a man for a few weeks, does she start looking at other men sexually?

I asked my girlfriend for help on this one. She says if guy is hot she definitely looks and could be interested, but doesn’t act on it. What is important to her is our relationship, sexual and non-sexual. Does Karezza help? Probably it helps with bonding and feelings. She said sometimes a hug is better that sex depending upon how she is feeling.

As for Marnia’s comment about “remodeling”; to a woman her guy is basically her first home improvement project. From day one being together I have had a bunch improvements; hair style, clothing, being told not us use the “F” word.

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3. Should I try to 'train' myself to become a better lover (through masturbation)? Or should practise (sic) total celibacy before I'm able to make love to a woman?

Dude, you want to beat off you don’t need an excuse. In high school before we did much stuff I needed some relief. Once we started doing things for each other I wasn’t as interested in yanking it myself. Find a girl and practice with her, much more satisfying on many levels. Just relax and don’t worry about it, girls don’t expect you to be some Tantric Master—most don’t even know what that is anyway.

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4. How do i 'finish' during Karezza?

Your comment about using Mantak Chia's techniques to masturbate for 2 hours, my girlfriend had a comment, “Ouch”. She said if you are thrusting in a girl for 2 hours straight you will both be pretty sore. That is sort of like “drunk sex” where you just keep going and going but you are too drunk to cum. BTW, neither of us has read his book—there is a lot of assigned reading in college and his book isn’t on any professor’s list.

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5. During Karezza sex, is the man still meant to take the 'Dominant' role?

When we started I let my girlfriend be in charge because Karezza was her thing that she wanted to try. Then I started getting into it and was doing better with some aspects than she was. So I became her “monitor” and help her stay below the orgasm level. That pushed me into a more dominate role. At this point in our relationship either one of us could be steering the boat on a given day. I will say that it is totally cool to have your girl in charge sometimes.

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6. Does a woman need a long time to appreciate Karezza sex, or will she enjoy her first experience - even more than regular orgasmic sex?

Probably depends upon the girl, her experience, your relationship, and what she knows about Karezza. If you have talked about it—which I think is a must—she will have a better idea of where you are going. I agree with Marnia’s idea of working your way up to it. With regular sex you run the bases; you need to touch first base before you get to second base, etc. Take Marnia’s suggestion of naked cuddling and talk while doing it. You can start making out, touching her breasts, see where that takes you. It gets better the more you do it. Remember, Karezza is the journey that you take with someone, not the destination.

Finally I do have a question for you; how did you get into Karezza and Tantra so young? When I was 18 I hadn’t heard of either one of them.

Thank you!

Hey, thank you Maso (and thank you Marnia, but that goes without saying by all the amazing help you've given me and everyone else).

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My girlfriend and I are juniors in college so we are just a few years older than you....I suggest that you look at my posting history as I post from a Gen-X perspective and I assume you will be starting college soon.

It's great to know there's people on here in (more or less) the same age and situation as me. I'm happily reading your blog as I type this :P

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If you have a relationship with a girl and you have some commitment, I know you said that isn’t your goal, but I think you would have a better chance at the type of sex you are looking towards.

I think you're right. I'm just too busy to be thinking about relationships at the moment (thinking about karezza is one thing, thinking about a woman is a different matter entirely!). Once i'll go university (i'm from Europe), i'll find the cutest girl there and see where things go. how hard can it be?

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Your comment about using Mantak Chia's techniques to masturbate for 2 hours, my girlfriend had a comment, “Ouch”. She said if you are thrusting in a girl for 2 hours straight you will both be pretty sore.

Haha, yes I was >_< But when it's your first time arousing yourself without orgasm, it's hard to finish if you don't know where the finish line is. I had to keep going because I didn't know how else to finish. Afterwards I just got bored and went out to jog it off. I guess (and hope) I'll learn how to finish when I get in a relationship.

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Finally I do have a question for you; how did you get into Karezza and Tantra so young? When I was 18 I hadn’t heard of either one of them.

Actually I had never heard of it until I discovered Marnia's website when I was 16 (I was at that age where my sex drive was insatiable and was researching a way to control it!). So it's thanks to her that I know about it, but it's going to be a while when I'll take my 'practical' lessons in this, so you're not missing out on much Wink