I really try and avoid going to bars alone. Usually I just feel out of place and end up staring at some ball game I'm not at all interested in.
But one thing this process is teaching me is that you aren't going to get shit just sitting at home. Nada. Now we don't have an outlet if we do decide to hide away, so we have no choice any more.
So I forced myself to go to yoga class last night and then out to my neighborhood bar. Both ended up being good decisions. At yoga I saw an old acquaintance who was great to connect with, and at the bar I got seriously hit on. This never happens to me. She was a bit round for me, but beggars can't be choosers. She gave me this big juicy kiss right before she left.
It feels so good to connect with people. I almost can't get enough. Can this be taken too far?
This experience brings up a couple of other questions:
I've never had a great one night stand. I hear about them and for some reason it's something I wan't to prove to myself that I can do. I don't always have ED, but it's always awkward and unsatisfying. I feel pretty positive that I could have taken this girl home with me if I would have pursued it. But...
But I'm not sure how I am going to function now. I almost feel like I might have worse ED now after 50 days rebooting. Has anyone else had more trouble with ED during the reboot? I don't think I've read any accounts like that, but in a way I feel even less libido than before.
I need to test it out but I'm even more afraid of things not working. Before, it was almost a flip of the coin, usually I could get it working, but once in a while--nothing.
I am also one of those guys who doesn't get spontaneous erections or wet dreams--at least not yet. It sucks not having some obvious signs of good working order down there.
The second question I have is about being picky. I wonder how healthy it is to rule out women who are less than ideal. Is it better to just take what you can get (and whatever oxytocin they bring us), or wait it out to find someone who really floats your boat? Is being picky a result of the porn addiction?
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My opinion... right now anyway. lol
I think that our mission as warriors against PMO is to get our lives back to normal. Normal, to me, isn't perfect. I know one thing I have been seriously curious about is what this war on PMO will affect in my life. I can definitely see how it will improve my disposition, and outlook on life, but I think some things will are not going to change for me. I'm not into overweight women. I'm not not saying that I look for skinny super model types, but there is a limit for me. I don't think quitting porn will change that. Also, I don't think there can be too much connecting with real people. I think it's really exactly what we need to be doing. That's not to say that our interactions with others will always lead to good experiences. But forming relationships is, I believe, very healthy
I'm like you in that I would like to try for the one night stand. I don't think you should worry too much about things working for you. First of all, you would be with a new partner, and as we both know, dopamine loves novelty. (remember the part about the rat with all the new partners in Gary's video?) Plus, what's the worst that could happen? You go to bed with her and can't get it up. So you leave and never see her again. That's what was going to happen anyway. It would be embarrassing, but I think it's worth the risk. As far as your taste in women... I think you should just do whatever you want. You like what you like, and there's no reason to lower your standards or sleep with anybody that you don't want to. It's completely up to you. That's my opinion on the whole thing. I hope that helps. Good luck mwa!
Or...
take the person's number and plan a real date first. Do some kissing and see how Mr. Happy feels about the situation. No need to strut your stuff in the bedroom until you're ready.
Agreed
What can I say? Marnia has a good point. Better make sure you know how to dog paddle before you go doing cannon balls.
Thanks for the response.
Thanks for the response. Sorry it's been a while, I have had some computer trouble.
James, I've really enjoyed your posts and thanks for the advice. I do have to say that I'm not sure it's worth the stress of wondering if I can't get it up. When it comes to a one night stand I feel even more pressure to perform well. Without the future potential I know that she is there for one reason only. That's a lot of stress, especially right now.
I'm not too into overweight women either, but have you noticed any difference in your acceptance level? I know I have, especially with a few beers in me.
Really you and Marnia are right, what feels best is finding a partner that I can take it slow with. I think that's how I'm wired anyway, and I'll never be a player type.
Thanks so much.