Reuniting - September 2004 Newsletter

Reuniting - September, 2004

Sex, Brains & Monogamy

Like most mammals, we are not naturally monogamous. In fact, anthropologist Helen Fisher estimates that we are physically designed to stay with our mates for only about four years before neurochemical changes make us feel like moving on. This is because our physical design has evolved in directions that ensure the maximum number of offspring and lots of genetic diversity (through changing partners) and these traits are at odds with monogamy.

Still, monogamy can be surprisingly beneficial. Harmonious union is a powerful defense against illness and premature death. In a seven-year study of 800 young adults, depression and alcohol abuse declined more significantly for those who married. Cohabitors, too, enjoy significantly lower levels of psychological distress than those with no partner living in the household.

But it's not union, rather harmony, that really benefits us. A recent study of hundreds of older couples showed that spouses who were able to make their spouse feel loved and cared for lived significantly longer than those who gave no emotional support. In Love & Survival heart-disease specialist Dean Ornish points out that connecting with others in a genuinely caring way has an even greater beneficial impact on our health than regular exercise, stopping smoking or improved diet.

Entire article

Have A Laugh at the Gender Gap

1. The Female always makes The Rules.
2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

More rules

Letters from the Trenches

I read through your website - very interesting stuff. I have to admit it was hard for me to accept some of it, since it contradicts so completely what I've learned or been taught over the years. But you do a good job of supporting the statements with research (much of which I'm familiar with, but hadn't applied in that way).

Before I got married I was in a relationship with a woman who wouldn't have sex before marriage. It was the most physically and psychologically intense relationship I've ever been in, and I've always asserted that the lack of intercourse (and for the most part orgasm) was a significant part of that. I'm not sure that's the same thing you're suggesting, because it definitely was intense, rather than peaceful cuddling or something like that. But some of the principles you discuss were at work. Interesting stuff. D.H., Ph.D. (psychology)

PEACE BETWEEN THE SHEETS News

Book Review - "Magical Blend" Magazine

I have to admit that when I first encountered the basic premise of this book - that sex without orgasm for either partner was better than with - it sounded too extreme to take seriously. But after reading the very solid biochemistry her theories are based on, as well as the testimonials to the success of the practices it suggests, I started thinking that the author just may be on to something. The book argues that we're hard-wired to become depleted and depressed after orgasmic sex and therefore to eventually lose interest. But trade the climax for an ongoing physical intimacy (she includes a program at the end of the book to get you started), and love blooms eternal. Written with great good humor and engaging storytelling, this book is well worth a read - and its practices, perhaps, worth a try! - Pearly Baker Best

A Little Help from Friends Makes Wounds Heal Faster

New research in hamsters now suggests that without companionship, wounds on the animals don't heal as fast.

Researchers looked at the effect social contact had on wound healing in stressed hamsters. Results showed that skin wounds healed nearly twice as fast in the hamsters paired with a sibling. These animals also produced less of the stress hormone cortisol than unpaired hamsters....

Entire article (Ohio State University)

Tantra Is the Science of Transforming Ordinary Lovers into Soul Mates

Tantra is one of the greatest treasures that is - lying there, unused. The day humanity uses it, the earth will become aglow with a new love. This very earth can be paradise. It is impossible if you depend on nature. It is very, very possible if you depend on Tantra. - Osho

Recently a new friend, Vibha, who has been an Osho devotee for many years, was kind enough to share some thoughts on Tantra with me. I'll supplement our dialogue with quotations I selected from some of Osho's discourses, which she generously furnished.

M: How do you define Tantra?

V: Tantra is a mystical experience born out of the union between man and woman. It is an opportunity to open to energy rising up through your body and to experience merging with the Divine. It is a doorway into cosmic oneness. Tantra offers methods to open the chakra system to a vertical flow of energy and to grace descending and permeating our lives.

Tantra is a way of accessing your natural potential to love and be loved in a balanced and blissful way. Sexual union is a door provided by nature to access an ecstatic state of being. The science of Tantra offers methods to open that door with sensitivity and intelligence allowing you and your lover to journey together on a transformational path of ecstasy.

If you remain aware you will come to know that sex is not just sex. Sex is the outermost layer, deep inside is the love, and even deeper is prayer, and deepest is God himself. Sex can become a cosmic experience. Then it is Tantra. - Osho

When all the seven centers (chakras) of a man are in tune and in harmony with all the seven centers of a woman, then you have found a soul mate. Tantra is alchemy; it can transform your centers. It can create a rhythm and harmony between you and your beloved. It is love at its peak. - Osho

M: How did you first become interested in Osho?

V: I read Tantra: The Supreme Understanding, which is a collection of his discourses, and was very moved by it....

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