Do You Feed or Devour Your Lover?

"Is the fallout from overheating during foreplay the same as from an orgasm?" asked a reader. She and her lover had carefully been avoiding orgasm…most of the time, but were still experiencing some ups and downs.

In our experience, passionate foreplay, alone, can indeed set off subsequent uneasiness. The reason is that high levels of dopamine - not orgasm - trigger the post-passion distress of lovers. Of course, conventional orgasm implies a high-dopamine build-up, so in the normal course of things, you can't maintain the ideal, moderate levels of dopamine and still experience orgasm.

The Taoists, however, report an experience called the "valley orgasm," with no "peak orgasm," and no intense build-up. Instead, it is an experience of total relaxation, profound fulfillment, and deep merging with your partner. How do you have it? By not striving for it. In other words, it's an experience you fall into spontaneously....

Have A Laugh at the Gender Gap

A Greek and an Italian sit down one day to debate who has the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon!" The Italian says, "We have the Coliseum!" The Greek says, "We had great Mathematicians!" The Italian says, "We had the Roman Empire!" And so on and so on until the the Greek says: "We invented sex." The Italian nods, and says: "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

Letters from the Trenches

Dear Marnia: I think that what makes your views so very interesting is that you bring a very deep understanding of modern evolutionary biology into your depiction of the effects of ejaculation on sexual feelings. It is quite true that one undergoes a PROFOUND change in perception after orgasm and I am certain this has evolved in order to motivate the male to seek out additional female sex partners, because this was always in their genetic interests.

Nonetheless, I can say that nothing can compare with prolonged lovemaking without ejaculation; the feelings that can swell up are beyond the ability to describe in words. For the first time, you know how it really feels to 'be in love', if I can call it that; you start saying silly, romantic things to your partner that you may regret later but you don't care because you simply feel SO GOOD! And because you don't want those exquisite feelings to end on a depressing note, you find it easy to avoid the final orgasmic climax, which always seems to put me in the dumps after any bout of lovemaking, long or short. I've come to see that when it comes to eroticism, women are FAR more evolved than men, who are essentially at the horseshoe crab level of erotic development; we have to LEARN to be sensual and erotic and it does take some time to do this.

If there's a potential drawback to these practices, it's that you seem to become much more interested in women and tend to think about sensual and erotic things more often when you adhere to these techniques consistently (but at a far more refined and romantic level). The pleasure you get from making love this way is orders of magnitude greater than what you experience from simply 'having sex' in the the boring old style. I hope your work leads others to this wonderful experience. Best wishes, T.

PEACE BETWEEN THE SHEETS News

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The editorial team of Selvet, Denmark's Spiritual Webmagazine

42% of young men fake their orgasms

MORE than two in five young men have faked an orgasm, a survey [in England] reveals today. Although 19 per cent of all blokes have feigned a climax, among those aged 18 to 34 the figure rises to 42 per cent. But women are the bigger fibbers, with 58 per cent admitting to play acting.

A sex poll of 1800 people also found 43 per cent of men and 40 per cent of women cheat on partners despite 56 per cent of married people reaching a climax in bed. The same was true of just 37 per cent of unmarried people. And a third of single folk claim they are not having sex at all....

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