Ruthless Eugenics
"He's a great guy, but I'm worried about the sex appeal factor. It seems like there should be more sparks between us." A friend said this about a man her age, whom she had finally met after speaking with him for many hours on the phone. Their phone conversations were long, candid, and filled with laughter…but in person he was a bit shy, and waited for her to take the lead. Something seemed amiss.
"I'm used to dating older men, whose physical touch is confident," she lamented. Those men, who skillfully swept her off her feet with Hollywood passion, also tended to dance on to the next partner with equal dexterity. The last one, after a brief affair, had returned to a previous lover, leaving my friend with the classic line: "You're just too good for me; we have to end this."
Now she was wondering if she should trust her gut, which said, "only go for men with whom the sparks are flying?" Or should she put up with the unfamiliar chemistry between her and this gracious, generous man, and see if he would relax into a confident mate?
In thinking about her dilemma, I flashed on a major "aha."
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Have A Laugh at the Gender Gap
Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bottom and having the balls to say, "You're next."
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Letters from the Trenches
When I first read "Peace", I could relate with so many of the symptoms described as part of the separation virus. Discovering that there was a possible answer gave me hope. In every relationship I've had (granted, not that many, I'm only 26), the "honeymoon period" lasted about 4 months, and then, like clockwork, I would become suicidally depressed, try and work through it for a couple months, but eventually leave, and spend the next several months in therapy or on medication patching up the wounds just so I could go do it all over again....
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PEACE BETWEEN THE SHEETS News
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Can Viagra lead to vision loss?
MINNEAPOLIS, MAY 28: The Food and Drug Administration is probing whether impotence drugs such as Viagra and Cialis are linked to blindness and partial vision loss in some men, the agency announced on Friday.
The FDA said it has 43 reports of such problems, including seven from a University of Minnesota ophthalmologist. The federal agency cautioned there is no evidence that the drugs cause the problem and that the reports of it are exceedingly rare. About 30 million men around the world have used the drugs since Viagra was first introduced in 1998.
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But Dr Howard Pomeranz, the university researcher and associate professor, said he thinks the drugs are suspect because vision loss in six patients occurred within 24 hours of taking the drug. And it might happen more often than anyone knows, he said. Men who suffer the vision problem, which results from blood loss to the optic nerve, may not volunteer they are taking drugs for impotence, he said.
‘‘I think the investigation is worthwhile,’’ Pomeranz said. And anyone taking the drugs ‘‘owe themselves a visit to their eye doctor for possible risk’’, he said.
The disclosure comes at a time when the drug industry is already reeling from reports of harm from other blockbuster drugs, including Vioxx and Celebrex, and the FDA has been criticised for not acting fast enough to make new risks public.
Viagra is one of the biggest selling drugs made by Pfizer Inc., with nearly $1 billion in sales last year. In all, the three largest selling impotence drugs generated more than $1.3 billion in sales last year, according to the drug tracking firm IMS Health.
Pfizer said in a statement on Friday that it is discussing with FDA about adding a warning to Viagra’s label. Cialis, made by Eli Lilly & Co. and ICOS Corp., has already done so voluntarily.
FDA spokesperson Susan Cruzan said 38 of the eye-problem cases are related to Viagra, four cases are linked Cialis, the second largest selling drug, and one case was linked to Levitra.
Labels on all three drugs already warn about possible eyesight problems, including blurred vision, and trouble distinguishing blue from green. This eye problem is different. Pomeranz said the loss of vision, which can be complete, occurs due to a ‘‘stroke of the eye’’. The FDA said this usually occurs in older men. - NYT
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The Soul-Blending Embrace
It is the wine of sex that gives love its enchantment and divine dreams. This is easily proven by giving lovers unrestricted license to express their transports. No sooner have they wasted the wine of sex by reckless embraces - often a single orgasm will thus temporarily demagnetize the man - tho they love each other just the same, as they will each stoutly assert - the irresistible attraction and radiance and magnetic thrills are gone, and there is a strange drop into cool, critical intellection or indifference, or perhaps dislike…. To have frequent orgasmal embraces, as most married lovers do, is to keep the wine in the sexual beakers low by constant spilling, to thus kill all romance and delight and finally starve and tire out love itself.
The Karezza Method by J. William Lloyd is a gem: short, eloquent, practical, and charmingly quaint ( published in 1931). Although Lloyd and I arrived at our conclusions independently, we concur on point after point.
Giving
"Try to feel yourself a magnetic battery," advises Lloyd. As you acquire the habit of giving your sexual electricity out in blessing to your partner from your sex-organs, hands, lips, skin, eyes and voice, you will acquire the power to satisfy yourself and her without an orgasm. "Soon you will not even think of self-control, because you will have no desire for the orgasm, nor will she."
Lloyd also notes the ability of Karezza (controlled intercourse) to nourish lovers. He reports a sense of "sweet satisfaction, fullness of realization, peace, often a physical glow and mental glamour that lasts for days, as if some ethereal stimulant, or rather nutriment, had been received." And,
in successful Karezza the sex-organs become quiet, satisfied, demagnetized, as perfectly as by the orgasm, while the rest of the body of each partner glows with a wonderful vigor and conscious joy…tending to irradiate the whole being with romantic love; and always with an after-feeling of health purity and wellbeing. We are most happy and good-humored as after a full meal.
Not only does focusing on giving or feeding move you away from hungry grabbing, but, as Gary and I learned from recent research, a selfless focus also seems to trigger the production of more oxytocin, while avoiding the hungry feelings from too much dopamine. Research has shown that oxytocin benefits one's health, peace of mind, and ability to bond more deeply.
Hangover
Throughout the book, Lloyd describes the hangover that orgasm can produce. Here is one of his more evocative descriptions:
It is the common experience that there is a sense of loss, weakness, and dispelled illusion, following quickly on the first grateful feeling of relief. There has been a momentary joy, but too brief and epileptic to make much impression on consciousness, and now it is gone, leaving no memory. The lights have gone out, the music has stopped. The weakness is often so severe as to cause pallor, faintness, vertigo [dizziness], dyspepsia [indigestion], disgust, irritability, shame, dislike, or other pathological or unloving symptoms. This especially on the man's part, but perhaps to some extent on the woman's part too. Even if no more, there is lassitude, sudden indifference, a wish to sleep. A wet blanket has fallen, for the time at least, on the flame of love. Romance drops and crawls like a winged bird.
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