Popping the Question
You've just met a wonderful new potential lover, and you want to experiment with sexual alchemy, or controlled intercourse. But
how to persuade a new lover to try the ideas? It's not easy. In fact, the script too often goes something like this:
At the beginning he agreed to try abstaining from orgasmic sex. However, his actions were not consistent with his words. I tried to explain the concept, but he wouldn't educate himself, and didn't go for it. Then he said, "we'll just be friends."
I should have left it at that, and he might have changed his mind, but I thought, "I would not like to look back and leave a nourishing experience with this man, which would be healing and helpful for both of us, just over the issue of orgasm."
Whatever the rationalization, the couple has conventional sex before trying a non-orgasmic approach. Swiftly the lingering post-passion withdrawal symptoms (which we call the "hangover") completely shift the lovers' perceptions of each other. Typically, he feels uneasy and defensive, and she feels needy:
He mentioned he doesn't want to feel vulnerable. What happens is that I feel Love for him even more, which is frustrating.
This uncomfortable situation is very unstable....
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