Reuniting - May 2007 Newsletter

Reuniting - May, 2007

Straight or gay: is it love, or is it Chitos?

Psychologist Lisa Diamond studied women who identified themselves as non-heterosexual for ten years. She found something quite unexpected: several reported falling in love with, and developing sexual desire for, individual men in their lives. At first Dr. Diamond thought that they were either mistaken about what they were feeling, or confused about their own sexual orientation. However, she continued to listen and study. Eventually she came up with a new model to fit the facts she observed:

While the goal of sexual desire is sexual union for the purpose of reproduction, romantic love is governed by the attachment or pair-bonding system, with its goal of maintaining an enduring bond between two individuals.

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Have A Laugh at the Gender Gap

Visit May's Humor Page

Letters from the Trenches

As a student of psychology, I appreciate your focus on wanting to help people have more harmonious relationships, and the unique understanding that more "hot sex" may not be the answer…it might even be the problem.

From a spiritual perspective, I absolutely love the idea of dropping the search for the "perfect orgasm." It seems like it can be such a trap, at times, to sell sexuality in the name of spirituality. How can sex be made spiritual without the whole endeavor becoming just another self-centered trap?

Well, it seems that you may have found a way to do it (literally!), without making sex into another self-centered pursuit (and calling it "spiritual"). With the focus on selfless giving, the result seems to be a very non-technical, down-to-earth, approach.

I've always thought of spiritual "progress" as having more to do with an organic internal process of letting go, and maturing, as opposed to a self-centered pursuit. If this is true, than the idea of dropping the search for the perfect orgasm may be right in line with "spiritual progress."

PEACE BETWEEN THE SHEETS News

Check out our first

article on the new Dutch website.

Marnia will be a guest on on a popular Seattle internet talk show (KKNW) "Contemplations" with host Christmas Miller" on May 17th at 7pm PST. Join the discussion and share your insights! 1-877-230-3062

"Contemplations" webpage

Otter Love

Need inspiration? Check out these affectionate otters on YOU Tube.

View Otter Love

Spiritual Brides of Early Christianity

Did you know that "spiritual brides" lived and snuggled with early Christian holy men, such as St. Paul? They were known as the "agapetae," based on the Greek word agape. Agape is defined as "spiritual, selfless, chaste love" - in contrast with eros or "sexual love." "Agapetae" is most often translated as "the beloveds." The most famous was Paul's companion, Thecla. Legend has it that she was nearly roasted for renouncing her fiancÃ© in order to follow Paul.
...There is an allusion to the agapetae in the New Testament:

1 Corinthians 7:36 - But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry. 37 Nevertheless he that standeth steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well.

We know few details, and most of those come from polemics against the agapetae custom. However, it appears that the practice of a man and woman sleeping together in a lust-free manner represented practical application of one of Christianity's loftiest aims — overcoming lust and thereby freeing oneself of the pull of earthly desires. This discipline was apparently employed widely until at least the middle of the 3rd century.

According to modern observer Andrew Moore,

There was something [unusually] profound about male female 'companionship' in the primitive Church - it is the missing piece of the puzzle - ignored by both the establishment and gnostics alike....

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