Steps forward and back

I've been up and down since my last post.

Interestingly I believe it may be tied to masturbation. Following my post regarding the possibility of healthy masturbation, this has opened up some some problems. Some of the guys made some useful comments in the last post differentiating masturbation from solo cultivation.

Darryl had some very interesting comments worth sharing

"I have experienced useful benefit in exploring my own sexual energy through solo cultivation, especially in the beginning when I was transforming my sexual relationship from a goal oriented orgasmic focused experience. When I was developing a new sexual language with my wife, time spent by myself was valuable to feel what my own energy looked like without an orgasmic focus. Its a lot more complicated when we intertwine our sexual energies with another. Solo cultivation allowed me to feel the gathering of my sexual energy and then just to feel it, feel its flow, without the goal of release. I also perceive masturbation as something one does to release pent up energy, only for the self. Solo cultivation on the other hand serves the relationship in that you do it to learn your part better in the dance of two. Like practicing the instrument you have to play so you can make better music when you come together with your partner.

Masturbation only serves the self, solo cultivation serves you both. Consider approaching it from this framework. Pluck the orgasm out of the masturbation and see what you find."

Essentially it has become an important issue for me in my desire to work on my PE. I.e. physical practice as in training a skill. I think if I am to open the door on this again I need to see it as more than a physical thing and as Darryl intimated, as something to potentially explore my energy.

I'm still unsure though because the idea of 'training' has brought up many anxieties. The alternative approach of continued PMO abstinence I feel could also reap tremendous rewards provided I make progress in other areas such as practicing mindfulness.

1) 3 Gratitudes each day - Grateful for local friends, my previous adventures and a particular individual from my travels.
2) Journaling and focusing on the positive. I'm still here and fighting the good fight.
3) Exercise. - Run
4) Meditation. 2 X 15 minute deep breathing. Only fitting in one, need to make time in afternoon for a second relaxation time.
5) Random acts of kindness. A bone for the dog.

Mood score: 5/10
35 days without P or M.
1 days without O.