Greetings,

It's Frank, after a long time. In case you're wondering, I've been away from the forums for quite a long time now. I've learnt a lot more on sexual addiction and, like so many times in my life before, I feel that I have a broader perspective now ("I was so dumb before!") and I am endeavouring to gain self-control now in a more holistic way (incorporating many different themes, although not really getting into actual spiritual practice because I am not in contact with any guru).

I wanted to ask a question here for everybody to answer. As most addicts know, being sexually addicted distorts one's view of females and sexuality in general. In fact, there have been so many instances, that I was so steeply into addiction that I would literally "sexualise" in my mind almost every woman I'd see (i.e., view women as in checking them out, noticing their sexual aspects, viewing them as "sex objects"), sometimes even regardless their age (some women were really my aunts and cousin sisters). I suppose that this is because of the concentration of a lot of energy in the sexual centre of the body (now, I'm not familiar with tantra/chakras at all, so I have to suffice with my own terminology), the mind focusses on all things sexual.

The mistake I made was that I could not be attracted to females in a nonsexual way! (and so I couldn't differentiate between healthy attraction -- the pure kind of attraction -- and the sexual kind of attraction) I mean, even now I strive to have those moments where I can look at a woman and be attracted as would a son to his mother. The idea to "view all women as mothers and sisters" is a little weird to me, that's not exactly a solution, it's more like an escape. Even in romance, where supposedly sex is so important, there is a point of view or frame of mind from which one's wife can be viewed in a dignified way, not as a "sex object". There was no other aspect of females that I could be attracted to, being a sexual addict. It was really awful. Even now I cannot achieve that pure state of mind.

What I want to ask you is: how do I cultivate that pure mentality? I want to look at women with purity. Of course, these days in media you find a lot of sexualisation, of both males and females. One perspective I took was to first observe how I view other men (I'm not homosexual) and then to relate that to how girls would look at other girls, and to somehow mould my mind to look at other girls (any age, no matter how sexy) in a normal way, instead of the look based on lust. I've tried looking at some pictures of Greek/Celtic/Hindu goddesses, but some of them really somehow arouse me, I'm ashamed to say.

Learning how to look at women in a sacred way is not exactly a major step in sexual addiction (at least not acknowledged by the mainstream media), because it still leaves the seed of addiction, the lust, within. But still, I really want to cultivate it, I feel like a loser if I look at women in a sexual way, it is so ugly to be like that.

Cheers,
Frank