Stay informed monthly on the latest news!
Navigation
User login
Google search
Syndicate
On the question of Sexual Hangovers
Wed, 2008-03-05 19:10 — saveria
I have a different (not entirely incompatible, but slightly tweaked) theory about the evolutionary program that uses erotic arousal and sex "by design." Hot sex is beneficial not so much for relationships as for intra-psychic development! Here's how this idea works:
Here I am suggesting that there is a good reason that people are erotically aroused by certain symbols, which stimulate them but also could turn off others! Erotic aousal has the same function as "reckless fertilization," and I would call it psychological fertilization! (One more quote and I will explain with a concrete example below)
Here is the living example:
Take the stereotypical (archetypal) example of "The Good Catholic girl" who, more often than random statistics might suggest, is attracted to "The Bad Boy." What is going on here? What is the design underlying this typical attraction. There is something intra-personal (individual/developmental) inter-personal (relational) and trans-personal (evolutionary) going on here.
The "Catholic Girl" (remember this is only a typical pattern, individual cases have infinite variations in their specificity) was raised to strive toward pure ideals: She was conditioned to avoid selfishness at all costs, and eschew any behavior that might risk pointing her in the direction of "Hell," that is, of lovelessness and of abandonment.
I have no problem with respectful, blaring trumpets, as yours (Marnia) certainly are. Great passion comes from deep conviction.
Our reward circuitry tells us hot sex is beneficial (due to the thrills), but our design (evolutionary program) doesn't value relationships as much as it values reckless fertilization and mate churning.
I have a different (not entirely incompatible, but slightly tweaked) theory about the evolutionary program that uses erotic arousal and sex "by design." Hot sex is beneficial not so much for relationships as for intra-psychic development! Here's how this idea works:
An erotic image or erotic stimulus that carries enough energy to incite an orgasmic impulse invariably contains a symbol of considerable personal import and, frequently, also a compelling symbol of collective, archetypal origin.
Here I am suggesting that there is a good reason that people are erotically aroused by certain symbols, which stimulate them but also could turn off others! Erotic aousal has the same function as "reckless fertilization," and I would call it psychological fertilization! (One more quote and I will explain with a concrete example below)
Symbols and archetypes can contain the seed for an unfolding of possibilities regarding the resolution of buried complexes. The transcendent function of erotic symbolism, similarly to that of dream symbolism, can thus serve to unbind psychic complexes deeply rooted in developmental blocks or unresolved psychic disturbances. It can, as well, spur adaptive and creative development through exploration within the tension of opposites.
Here is the living example:
Take the stereotypical (archetypal) example of "The Good Catholic girl" who, more often than random statistics might suggest, is attracted to "The Bad Boy." What is going on here? What is the design underlying this typical attraction. There is something intra-personal (individual/developmental) inter-personal (relational) and trans-personal (evolutionary) going on here.
The "Catholic Girl" (remember this is only a typical pattern, individual cases have infinite variations in their specificity) was raised to strive toward pure ideals: She was conditioned to avoid selfishness at all costs, and eschew any behavior that might risk pointing her in the direction of "Hell," that is, of lovelessness and of abandonment.
So, this "Catholic Girl" learned that she would be all the more loved (by her parents, by the church community, by God...etc.,) if she succeeded in avoiding selfishness, insensitivity toward others, swearing, lying, cheating...basically anything that might smack of 'Bad Boy' behavior, right? These are all attributes that might, at some critical point, be necessary to defend one's life, or just as importantly, to defend her boundaries from invasion or hostility (maybe from parents who are too controlling or invasive, for instance?????) However, this "Poor Catholic Girl" was never allowed to discover the utility and function of such "Bad Boy" attributes. She had to suppress it all. Is it any wonder that her body cries out for such behavior and gets deeply aroused by it?!
Same for the "Bad Boy." He was raised to keep his feelings to himself. For him, sensitivity is wimpy. Vulnerability is plain foolishness and downright dangerous from his Street Smart perspective. How could his body not be attracted to these repressed attributes when he encounters them in a lovely, virginal, unsullied (like him?) woman? If he has the courage to explore his 'shadow' with such a woman who will make it safe...then he will retrieve the lost inner child!
If, however, either of these lovers does not have the presence to be aware of their deep buried impulses, if neither of them has the courage to expose these dark hidden shameful qualities to the other in bed, then, to the extent that these hidden, buried 'embarrassing' qualities accidentally, compulsively, instinctually surface during lovemaking, then the more they will feel betrayed and the more ANGRY they will feel toward the lover who has witnessed and perhaps even incited their 'dirt.'
That's the hangover. It's a psychic outcome of buried complexes being aroused!...certainly an outcome that bears neurochemical effects. Sex, by design, is the body becoming aroused by the opportunity to work out deep unconscious issues. If I can take responsibility for the psychic issues by staying present to them (which abstention can and most often does accomplish) then I don't have to deal with the negative neurochemical consequences of a hangover. Or, at the very least, I understand that the sexual hangover is due to a projection of my surfacing complexes onto my lover who seems to have provoked my unacceptable (to me) behavior!
If I deal with the whole thing by simply avoiding arousal, then that's repression. If I can postpone discharge (orgasm) until the sexual tension becomes great enough for me to understand what complex underlies it, then surrendering to the complex in an orgasmic release is nothing but self-acceptance. I would bet my bottom buck that there's no hangover involved in such instances!
In any case, that's my view...It also explains why we seek a variety of erotic experiences. We are unconsciously seeking a lover who validates our emergent shadow (complex) in its many varied aspects...sometimes it takes a while to find the right lover who, despite himself/herself, loves our style of bedroom behavior. That in itself feels good. It's validating but it's only temporary relief until you yourself can become conscious of the need to internalize that kind of validation, which an ideal lover provides. If you can learn to validate yourself by first understanding what kind of validation is missing, you'll be freed from the compulsive need for sex, or for a variety of lovers.
To validate yourself is easy to say but hard to do, unless you learn how. There are several ways this can be done, and they all are virtually exactly what Oleaner did in her self-healing (described in another post).
1. become conscious of your arousal (to stay conscious, breathe from the belly; to get more aroused and excited, breathe from your chest) and alternate breathing to remain present.
2. accept your arousal as a message from your higher self. Be curious about what your sexual symbols might be indicating about your early unmet needs (it always has to do with insufiicient nurturance, and the inability to tackle a developmental hurdle).
3. stay present while you are 'indulging' your appetites. (breathe) Don't indulge compulsively and guiltily, only to bury the whole thing again...
4. make sure you get plenty of support and affirmation (from a generous lover, say) and take in the validation, meaning, internalize it!
5. have your orgasm and surrender to your shadow. That is, accept your 'unacceptable' side that is emerging through your eroticism. Allow it, forgive it, love it!
6. if you feel the hangover, then know that it's you who's still projecting your shadow onto your lover. A lover must not be made responsible for provoking your erotic behavior, and that's what you are doing if you feel a sexual hangover.
This is the sexual healing mechanism, by design. Use it or lose it. I lost it, and am trying to revive it. Years of holding back have done untold damage. I envy people who can feel a sexual charge. I think they're so in touch...but actually, sexual repression and sexual addiction are two sides of the same coin. Maybe we can help each other through a gaining of greater consciousness in this.
love,
Saveria
- saveria's blog
- Login or register to post comments
Comments
Healing function and transcendent function of sex
Hello,
Before that all, I want to excuse me because my English is poor. I’m a psychologist from Chile, and of course, my native language is Spanish.
Well, I want to comment what you wrote about your way for understanding the healing function of sex. Let me say I understand all what you say. I agree with you in many points, for example when you say that sexual repression and sexual addiction are two faces of the same coin.
I’ve practiced Karezza method for more than 10 years. I believe it’s a wonderful way for living marital and spiritual happiness. Avoiding orgasm is a method for being happy, not for pain. It’s a way for woman and man meet one to other, deeply. I don’t want to explain what’s the explanation behind that; I suppose you can read the taoist books, for example. In such books you can see a whole science, what treats about the transmutation of sexual energy for a physic, psychic and spiritual well-being and growing.
Taoists are the opposite to our neurotic society and repression. They speak about harmony between yin and yang, masculine / feminine, conscious and unconscious. To reach the Tao is to reach the spiritual realization where ego and shadow are perfectly tuned.
My question is, if avoiding orgasm is equal to repression, why Taoists have taught it for millenniums? Are all they sick? I think they are not.
One of the most things the taoist books do is preventing against the sexual discharge through genital orgasm. However, they are not promoting repression. There is a middle way that it’s impossible to see while one doesn’t experience it.
Making love without genital orgasm is one of the most incredible things you can do in life. And it always will be radically different to ordinary sexual response where orgasm takes place. It’s so because there are biologic and energetic principles. And those principles can’t be invented. You will agree with me that an orgasm is something you can’t invent. It happens in our bodies, you can feel it.
C. G. Jung spoke in his work about what he called the “transcendent function”. When you have a symbol or any content of the collective unconscious and you come into contact with it, you can make it come conscious. This is the way as the ego and the conscience grow and amplify. This is the way we reach plenitude or –in Jungian language- “individuation”. Transcendent function means the ego and the unconscious meet in a creative way, and the result is something new. A new and wider conscience of reality takes place. A new solution is created.
The success of this process depends always on our capability for holding the tension while the “combustion” happens. To hold the tension means we don’t surrender to the natural impulse of discharging energy. Energy must be held and transformed in something new. This is very different to repression which is a neurotic process.
Making love is a real rite. Sexual energy allows ego meets with unconscious and all its transpersonal energy. Waves of heat and sensation are felt in all the body. Voluptuosness gives the lovers a intense feeling of oneness. Lovers are in what Jung called “participation mystique”. The numinous power of archetype rises from the unconscious.
However, if the ego can not hold the tension enough, this energy is discharged. The consequence of that is the energy returns back to unconscious not being integrated. The dialog between conscious and unconscious is interrupted. There we don’t have any symbolic process, but its opposite: a “diabolic” process (from Latin “diabolo”). The sacred circle is broken; the alchemical process is cut off.
Marion Woodman is an english jungian psychologist who explain about this two kinds of rites: sacred rite in opposition to profane rite. Sacred rite is the rite where transcendent function occurs. The energy is not discharged, but integrated into the conscious process where the ego grows spiritually. During sexual intercourse, when a couple make love and conserve the energy, this energy can be transformed in a new conscience. Taoists call it spiritual body (which is born from a “seminal pearl” and a “golden embryo”).
In the other hand there are the profane rites where no any creative process occurs. There the ego succumbs to the unconscious activity and different archetypes with its diferent energies possess the individual. The consequence is the breach between conscious and unconscious increases. The individual has less energy and more confusion.
In profane rites, transcendent function fails. Addiction, compulsive behavior, violence and other meaningless activities are good examples. My vision is that sex with orgasm tends to follow the same pattern. Of course, we have different degrees, because a couple also has emotional resources which help them to palliate the effects of the loss in the discharge. That’s the reason I believe there is a partial truth when some people say that love is what really import. They make love with orgasm, and then they make a conscious act of selfacceptance which can become very therapeutic (especially if they are always lived in the paradigm of repression)
However (let me say again “however”), we all who have experienced the transorgasmic sex (in opposition to orgasmic sex), know that there is a profound difference respect the ordinary way to make love. Difference is felt in the body, in all the senses. It also is felt in the emotional level, and in the mental health. After you make love, when you lay next your lover, you feel a lot of energy and relaxation, your body feels in love, your mind is clear, silent. You don’t feel any pain, nor any bother. You look to your partner and you feel magnetism, attraction. When transorgasmic sex becomes a habit, this harmonious sensation of power and light begins to accompany you always. You acquire a great conscience of your own flow of energy. During the sexual intercourse is right that you have to surrender to the power of the unconscious (which is present in the sexual energy). Notwithstanding, it is only a poetic metaphor. That’s because in the transorgasmic intercourse one always have a control or conduction. You are ever in your center. As Ulysses with Sirens, you stay always strong in your mast (you enjoy very much, of course, but you don’t lose your energy).
Energy and conscience are two faces of the same coin. When you work over your own energetic functions (sexuality is one of them) you are working on a deeper and wider kind of conscience. You are opening your eyes to the Self.
Alchemists know that material and biological processes are in a chain with spiritual and emotional processes. Sexual alchemy is not the exception. Taoists and tantric masters were great researchers of this natural dynamics. All they were alchemists. All them put a great emphasis in not to lose the liquid of the “chemical mixture”. This was the basic material for creating the philosophal stone. Nowadays, when we talk about sexual alchemy, we know how important is avoiding the discharge of sexual energy. That’s because sexual alchemy is a practice which pursues at least two goals: (1) to reach a prolonged transorgasmic ecstasy in both two members of a couple, and (2) to obtain the reabsorption of the sexual fluids and energy during and after the intercourse. The last goal we mention is necessary for transmuting the energy, because it’s a reabsorption process at once. When you discharge the energy in the orgasmic contractions of pelvis and glands, energy flows downward centrifugally. The reaction is similar to an atomic explosion. Can anybody reabsorb the energy after such explosion? Is it possible to use the energy released in an atomic explosion? The answer is NO. In this case we have an example of a thermodynamic “irreversible reaction”. Whatever you may do, you can not do that energy come back.
Alchemy always put emphasis in the transcendent function, where different energies (or “metals”) are mixed for produce a new one. Symbolic processes are physical processes too. In alchemical treatises you NEVER find any allusion to any “explosion” or “irreversible reaction”. There is nothing you can catalogue as discharge. Orgasmic discharge is out of any alchemical prescription. Even you can see how alchemists prevent about it when they warn against the loss of the “mixture” (“do never spill the Glass of Hermes”- they say).
Transorgasmic experience is very different because we always conserve the energy. There is a transcendent and alchemical function of transmutation. We can create a new conscience; we can move energy and contents from the unconscious body for creating a spiritual body. And this is not a theoretical thing. You really can feel yourself surrounded by a magnetic field. You feel better and lively.
That’s the reason we speak about the healing power of sex. In symbolic language, we have the symbol of serpent on a stick. Serpent is not other thing but a symbol of the Kundalini or sexual energy ascending through the spine (the stick). Serpent on the stick is a symbol of medicine. It shows the healing power of transorgasmic sex.
Transorgasmic sex is a sacred rite, because unconscious energy can be integrated into the conscience as spiritual light an understanding. Archetypical energies are catalyzed in that process. Sacred rites allow sim-bolic processes occur. You can see that in the 6th chart of the tarot, “the lovers” (in the Rider-Waite Tarot). Profane rite is the dia-bolic process, and you can see in the 15th. chart of tarot, “the devil”. 6th.chart also shows the choice between sacred love (transorgasmic sex) or profane love (orgasmic sex).
We don’t condemn orgasmic sex. When an individual condemn the orgasmic sex , many times he’ll be repressing himself. He’ll fight hard against his own lust and desire but with no real understanding. There he will not be in the way of healing but neurosis. He’ll have to give himself permission for experimenting with his body, permission for feel the “shadow” and accepting it. Mental judgments often are pre-judgments.
The example of Saveria, about that “good girl” who has a complex is a good example of this. Before starting to practice transorgasmic sexuality, it’s necessary to have a good relationship with the own body. I have to walk the way of acceptance, and accepting what I am, my different energies and sensations, knowing myself, the pleasure and the pain.
Then I can choice what I want for me and my life. Transorgasmic sexuality is a path of life. We need being mature. It can’t be the consequence of our fears and our neurosis. If I choose avoiding orgasm is because I like it very much. I feel more healthful, more in love and closer to God. There is not any discussion about universal truth or if this method is the best for all or not.
For me, avoiding orgasm is not to say “NO” to the exciting pleasure of our bodies. It is to say a great “YES” to a more complete pleasure, deeper, more exciting and more harmonious. Transorgasmic sexuality is my own way for living the transcendent function.
Warm regards from Chile
Francisco**
I agree
The kareeza is life giving. The orgasm is depleting.
Thanks for making the effort
to spell this out in English, Francisco. Very interesting.
Just the other day I was also thinking that the difference between sexual repression and cultivating one's sexual energy (without orgasm) is "free will." If one is making the choice to avoid a threat of damnation, to please someone else, or whatever, then unhealthy repression is likely. But cultivation for the purpose of clarifying one's energy, perception and connection with the Divine (and others), is not.
Thank you so much for taking
Thank you so much for taking the time to write all that out. Your views are very clear and very healthy, no doubt a reflection of your balanced biochemistry from practicing transorgasmic sex for so many years.
I do have one question for you, though, and that is how you would describe the phenomenon of so many women being unable to have orgasm. One would think, based on a very simplistic reading of your theory, that women who cannot orgasm are more able to transmute their unconscious into their conscious, since they are not able to use orgasm as a profane rite. This inability is not - I would argue - the same thing as transmutation, because there is little or no fire to transmute. And, I know from personal experience that being unable to orgasm was very frusterating to me, and not only because I had been given a cultural model that said this was the ideal. I feel that discovering my orgasmic ability with another person was a huge and very important step in bringing my unconscious knowledge that I was an ecstatic being into my conscious view of myself, which until that point had identified with being unable to share that side of myself with someone.
So I still see all of this as a continuum. Sacred sex as I have been able to practice it does involve surrendering to the passion that I am, which includes my inherent ecstatic/orgasmic self. When the ecstatic unconscious is brought into the conscious, pleasurable states don't have to be strived for or grasped, because they are recognized as being an inherent part of the self that is always accessable. I think that this self-knowledge allows me to relax into my true nature enough to be able to actually share and care for the person I am making love with, rather than having the other person be a mere tool for proving what I do not believe about myself.
But it has become clear to me also that my experience of transorgasmic sex - being present in an orgasmic charge but not going overboard - is very different from the form of lovemaking that Marnia is proposing. How do you view your experience in light of her theory that any kind of hot sex is dangerous? My experience is that highly-charged transorgasmic sex is both hot AND tender at once. There is a gentle warming of the nervous system that is held within the nurturing space of cooling, still presence. The nervous system afterwards is revitalized but not totally amped.
The role of orgasm in women - questions
Hotspring,
Your lipstick-trashing, breakthrough story is deserving of more reflection and discussion...as are your comments on Francisco's post above where you wonder whether women "need" to learn to orgasm before they move toward transorgasmic sex.
I've given this issue a lot of thought and I feel like there's still more to learn. I hope others will share their views.
My own path was a lot like yours in that I first experienced only clitoral orgasms and then in my 30s very effortless vaginal orgasms (although I stopped short of mastering ejaculatory orgasms
as no one had told me they were the goal). But here was my insight(?) about my path. When I became very orgasmic, it was after several years of intense spiritual work, a big part of which involved experiencing the deep joy of forgiving another unconditionally.
Our separating mating neurochemistry being what it is...the forgiven one was a man who was acting ...well...shall we say "in a depleted manner."
(And, by extension, all men.) I don't think that was an accident, as it turns out. I think the alienation between male and female is where humanity has the most work to do in overcoming its deep fears connected with love. Other relationships tend to feel safer, for reasons belabored elsewhere on this site.
Anyhow, I concluded that it was not the orgasmicness that unblocked me, but rather that the emotional unblocking showed up - in one way - as effortless orgasm.
My thought was that as we make intimacy safe, via lovemaking NOT jinxed by our post-orgasmic perception change AND by learning unconditional forgiveness of anyone whose less-than-ideal behavior was a function of this natural mating pattern - including our parents - it would make it easier for women to open up that welcoming, receptive, openhearted flow of energy that is so vital to both partners' finding full satisfaction with controlled intercourse.
In other words, I'm not sure that striving to be orgasmic is the only way to unblock our yin energy. It may even make it harder for women to find the deep union they long for, as orgasm is addictive for us, too. Mind you, I'm not saying there's only one way to "skin this cat." That's why I hope we can discuss this topic some more.
Wisdom caps on everyone, and jump in! Male reflections and observations are welcome, too.
I can see the intelligence
I can see the intelligence in your idea that it was the emotional clearing of resentment and moving on to the expansiveness of forgiveness that was responsible for your ability to have orgasms through penetration. This makes sense.
In my case we can see something similar - I guess you could say that my expression of anger at god was a sort of clearing and also a willingness to be intimate with myself on a level that was otherwise seen as too intense, and so was avoided. Probably the ability to open up to our ecstatic selves as women (whether or not that leads to vaginal orgasm) is dependent on some kind of emotional clearing, tho the exact flavor of that emotion may be different for each woman. There was no horrible man in my past to forgive, but there was a lot of anger at the general inequality of it all. I simply did not believe in the depths of my soul that nature had designed me to be unresponsive in bed. I knew that this came from cultural inhibition and conditioning, and that it was not my true self. BUT, I had to overcome my own block within myself of admitting that I was not just irritated or sad about the situation, but actually furiously, intensely angry about it. Women are expected to be more emotional than men, but anger is one area where they are discouraged to express themselves.
However, anger unexpressed festers and causes disease. I am grateful I was able to express this without being destructive or blaming to another or internalizing it upon my own system for even a moment longer than I had already, which totaled about two years.
Any other thoughts or comments on this topic, divine priestesses and priests? Do women need to discover their orgasmic ability through penetration with a man first before being able to open fully to their broader transorgasmic potential, or is this an unnecessary step in our evolution towards embracing our divinity and our womanhood?
In response
Well, at the risk of exposing myself, I am going to vote "no" on this question. I have never even had intercourse, but this does not seem to be hindering my spiritual development in any way. It might be necessary for some people though, depending on the circumstance.
Virgins have a big advantage
in the practice of sacred sex, according to James Powell, in "Energy and Eros." He says that the free flow of the streams of energy, which build up this magnetic charge, or field, between the couple depend on love and a willingness to surrender, to allow the boundaries between bodies and souls to disappear. Emotions of fear, hurt, or excessive sexual hunger can, therefore, block the flow. Indeed, Powell advises that:
Alas, as he points out, it is natural:
The Gnostic gospels also refer to the "sacrament of the bridal chamber" (in which one becomes enlightened) as being between virgins and free men. Lucky for Hotspring and me, "virgin" didn't strictly mean untouched in those days, so maybe we still have a shot at the experience.
Virginity
I read somewhere that there are cultures that point out that a woman goes through different archetypes or roles depending on where she is in her cycle. Directly after her moon, for the first week, she is in her virginal stage. The second week is the seductress, the third week the wife or companion, and the fourth week the wise woman. This also makes sense hormonally as well, with the seductress coming out full force during the time of ovulation. While I have of course felt all of these archetypes at many different times in my cycle (not necessarily following this pattern exactly), I do still find this observation meaningful. Directly after my period I feel purer and more virginal and also a bit shyer around sex.
So, I do believe that even women who have a lot of experience in sex can embody virginal qualities and re-experience them - the feelings of being pure, delicate, trusting, and new to experience do not have to dissappear after the first sexual encounter.
Well said
This discussion would confirm the idea that the key is to release the "Emotions of fear, hurt, or excessive sexual hunger [which] can, block the flow." No wonder Lipstick Day was helpful, and why forgiveness is, too.
Scientific American Mind
Friday, in the kitchen, I was reading "Orgasmic Mind" to Gary out loud from his magazine. (He has a subscription to "Scientific American MIND.") All of a sudden I was reading about OUR material in a tiny box in the article! Here's an image of the box: http://www.reuniting.info/images/SAM.jpg
As I am not a "psychologist" or "couples therapist" I wrote to the editor to correct that error...and figured it was a good time to sound off on a few other points as well.
Since some of you are actually interested in this type of thing, here's my letter:
Well said, Marnia. Thanks
Well said, Marnia. Thanks for standing up to the pharmaceutical industry's attempts to nose their way into every aspect of people's lives. Enough drug pushing! We already have all we need to be deeply fulfilled. And orgasm actually isn't one of those things, turns out. Thanks on all of our behalf for speaking out publicly and coherently on such a crucial topic.
Profound Sharing
Thanks to all for what has been shared in this thread - especially you, Francisco, for joining us with your learned, male perspective, all the way from Chile!
I intend to read this again and again to let this all sink in - it is pregnant with meaning and for me, so much to learn.
Again, thanks!
Richard
response to fomoreno
Fomoreno said: "The success of this process depends always on our capability for holding the tension while the “combustion” happens. To hold the tension means we don’t surrender to the natural impulse of discharging energy. Energy must be held and transformed in something new. This is very different to repression which is a neurotic process . . . However, if the ego can not hold the tension enough, this energy is discharged. The consequence of that is the energy returns back to unconscious not being integrated."
Quite apart from developing the ability to contain excitement, mentioned above, the Tantric method of dealing with this energy is that, rather than either holding or discharging it, it is continually re-channeled through one's partner. This keeps it from building up to an unbearable level.
The way it's done is as follows: The male's primary energy enters the female's vagina, and either re-enters the male's body by automatic channeling from the female's chakras into his, or by drawing it off with his hands or mouth, while stimulating or sucking her nipples, neck, lips and ears, as well as by moving his hands over her back and elsewhere. Although females are traditionally receivers in many Tantric traditions, she can do exactly the same thing.
This doesn't even have to be a conscious act; it happens automatically, if we simply obey our natural instinct to lovingly carress and stimulate our partner. By rechanneling energy in this manner, the intensity level builds up, keeping things interesting. This can continue until one is surfing the pre-orgasmic wave, which can be done for hours. The experience, by the way, is not necessrily prolonged intentionally; one simply loses track of time when they are experiencing such blissful passion.
Thanks for this
inspiring, practical post.