I haven’t posted for a while. My wife and I have been away, two months here, a month there, with lots of time and few distractions. It’s given us a chance to evaluate a few things about our sex life, including the appropriateness or otherwise of denying ourselves orgasm.

The conclusion we’ve come to is that orgasm isn’t worth giving up, but it is worth delaying, though not for more than a few days at a time. On a couple of occasions, we’ve gone for more than two weeks without orgasm; and I can’t say this produced much besides massively increased desire, in me, and a sense of frustration in my wife, neither of which contributed to us feeling more in harmony. However, going without orgasm for a few days, while still enjoying sexual activity, seems to be a marvellous tonic for drawing us together. I thoroughly recommend it. We can hardly keep our hands off each other. The eventual orgasm is well worth waiting for, too.

What thinking about and playing around with this has done, principally, is show us that orgasm is a choice, not an inevitability, in my case; or something to be sought after at all costs, or be disappointed at not having achieved, in my wife’s. Paradoxically, not striving after orgasm, taking our time, stopping and starting, etc, has led to an increase in my staying power and a decrease in my wife’s, meaning we now climax together, with less difficulty than at any time in the past.

I have to admit, we both like orgasms! I found this site originally while searching online for information on prolonging lovemaking with the idea of achieving a more profound and longer lasting orgasm, rather than doing without it. I’m still on this search, and although I’ve found the concepts and facts gathered together by Marnia both fascinating and extremely helpful, I remain unconvinced about the personal usefulness of a climax free relationship.

My tentative recommendation for any couple wanting to increase their sense of togetherness without following Marnia’s suggestions to the letter is still my very loose interpretation of the Exchanges. In an earlier post, I suggested dividing the week up, with each partner taking alternate days to decide something they would like to do - it might be a five minute walk, a one minute kiss, or a one hour passion workout - that their other half is duty bound to go along with, within agreed limits. The same, in reverse, the following day, and so on and so forth.

I can’t really explain why this works as well as it seems to with us; but I think it’s partly because any unease either of us may have felt about initiating something intimate - whether a cuddle, or hot sex - out of the blue, vanishes when that initiation is not only expected but agreed upon in advance. It also eliminates what might previously have been an imbalance, with one partner badgering the other for something while the other gets frustrated at not voicing their desires.

So, thanks for the insights, Marnia. I might be back; but in the meantime, I’ll continue my quest for the longer, more drawn out, full bodied, late maturing mutual orgasm, rather than no orgasm at all; and I don’t think its appropriate to harp on about this, here.