Hello everyone,

I'm 23 and have been battling sex addiction since before I discovered this site, achieving 1 and 2 week periods of celibacy and then falling back. After I discovered this site I had another week stint, slip up, and now I'm good to go for the long haul I think. The withdrawal symptoms are incredible, its incredible how real this is and how it MUST be an addiction if the symptoms are like this. Yesterday (day 12) I was all shakey and anxious and feeling fidgety like a crack addict, I layed down on my bed and just wrestled with my covers out of frustration, burying my head in the covers and mumbling incomprehensible gibberish while rocking back and forth. An hour later I felt better and I looked in the mirror, my eyes had become bright blue, normally they are a darker blue. My life feels totally different, I treat people differently, things are MUCH MUCH MUCH better socially for me now. Its easier to joke around with people at work. I'm becoming popular, thats how different things feel for me all of a sudden! I'm happy ALL DAY LONG instead of just for a few minutes each day.

Today I'm tormented by thoughts of a girl I knew 5 years ago. I wont elaborate because it doesnt bring anyone anything, it just amazes me how much sexual things can stick deep, deep in the mind. For all the seriousness with which my body commands me to desire and have sex with this woman, (I dont know her anymore, havent seen her in 5 years, final email contact 10 months ago), I think my body is literally insane or something. I've only seen three pictures of her in the last 5 years, still my brain wont leave me alone about her. I feel like I have to get this woman pregnant with my kids in order to fulfill some life destiny, which is so crazy, but thats what I feel my brain commands me to do. Why cant my brain just leave me alone about her and get interested in other girls etc? Meeting other girls is good but they never meet the standard compared to her, though I can get interested and possibly develop feelings for them. I have never felt anything so strong in my life for any other woman, yes I'm aware how pathetic it sounds. During the early withdrawal I had flashbacks of others girls I'd been with including a sexual dream that lasted all night, just never ending sex with the last girl I dated. Now that I'm almost free, on the home stretch so to speak, this horrible thing from my past comes up and it seems like it could swallow me alive. Alot of other people I bet don't even think she's that pretty. I so hope that one day I will be over this woman and stop having the fantasy about her that plagues me and makes me full of sadness and shame. (Sadness because she rejected me, shame because its not exactly wholesome to be thinking like this). If I ever forget my lust for this woman and wake up free from even the memory of it, I will be that much more happier!

Anyway, thats my rant. It had to go somewhere. Thanks for the website!

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