First, this is natural. Yes, natural. Humans are mammals, and no mammals are naturally monogamous. Mother Nature subtly tries to push us apart by causing subconscious repulsion to creep in. Usually it affects one partner more than the other...which is excruciating. It can start much earlier in a relationship. You are lucky!

Second, it may be natural, but it is not beneficial for either of you to have this erosion between you. You are right to be upset, and to seek a solution. It will not improve on its own.

Third, the solution does not lie in trying to be a hotter lover. This will only increase the sense of sexual satiation after sex, which subtly drives partners apart. A better tactic to slow the erosion is to employ "attachment" behaviors such as those that bond parents and kids:
· Smiling
· Providing a service or treat without being asked
· Giving unsolicited approval, via smiles or compliments
· Gazing into each other’s eyes
· Listening intently, and restating what you hear
· Forgiving or overlooking an error or thoughtless remark, whether past or present
· Preparing your partner something to eat
· Skin-to-skin contact
· Synchronized breathing
· Kissing with lips and tongues
· Cradling or gently rocking your partner, or holding each other
· Wordless sounds of contentment and pleasure
· Stroking with intent to comfort
· Massaging with intent to comfort
· Hugging with intent to comfort
· Touching and sucking of nipples/breasts
· Gently placing your palm over your lover’s genitals with intent to comfort
· Making time together at bedtime a priority

Fourth, for the reason first explained, your husband is programmed to go after "new" mating opportunities when you no longer register as "very rewarding" thanks to the natural erosion between you brought on by sexual satiation. If he wants to remain faithful, he will feel a pressure to find those "new" mates in his head via fantasy, or on his computer via porn. The reason this happens is that "new" raises a craving neurochemical in the brain, called dopamine, which makes him find these "new" opportunities *more exciting* than sex with you. This is how Mother Nature urges us to move on to new mates. However, exciting orgasms with "them" don't actually NOURISH him as well as lovemaking with you. His brain is giving him a loud, but mistaken, message about where his happiness lies. And because he is a mammal, he can't help listening.

Fifth, the real solution lies in learning to make love without relying on orgasm. This is because orgasm sets off a cycle of highs and lows...and it is during the lows that he will most want to look elsewhere for "thrills." He needs to experience that there is another way to make love that ALSO satisfies him completely, without setting off the typical "move on" signals.

So, understand that his behavior has nothing to do with you, or your attractiveness...which you could prove to yourself by being someone else's "new mating opportunity" (NOT RECOMMENDED ).

Would your husband be open to learning something new? Start by educating yourself:

The Coolidge Effect - http://www.reuniting.info/science/coolidge_effect

Why Does A Lover Pull Away after Sex? - http://www.reuniting.info/science/dopamine_separation_after_orgasm

The Ecstatic Exchanges: Why They Work - http://www.reuniting.info/science/ecstatic_exchanges_and_neurochemistry

Sorry if this sounds a bit abrupt. I'm in the middle of something. In any case, I recommend you blog here at the site. Here are the instructions: http://www.reuniting.info/resources/bloggers

I know the pain you are in. It was this same, irrational "chilling" in my love life that led me to this ancient wisdom about how couples can maintain harmony indefinitely. It's different, but not hard. Might be worth a try!

Welcome to the site.

thanks for the ideas. he has not been open to change to much before. he is set in his ways, from everything to what time he gets up in the morning to bath time, dinner time and bed time. everything happens like clockwork and anything that is different or out of that routine he is against (not able to think of a better word).

I will try to talk to him and see what is going through his head. I know for the past 2-3 weeks i have been pulling my hair out trying to figure out what is going on. which in turn has raised my stress level out the roof. Maybe 2 hours of sleep a night for the past 2-3 weeks, medical issues with my family, sexually frusterated beyond belief and wanting more than it seems he can or is willing to give. and to top it off if i take care of myself i feel like i am cheating him even though he is doing the same thing.

i know its natural for a males sexual side to slack off after a certain age and he is 49 but it would seem to me that all sexual activity would slack off not just sex with a partner. if that is all he wants fine but i want to participate and help him feel good/relax/enjoy it.

we had a chance to talk this weekend and hopefully things are back on track now. this weekend it was anyway. he understands ( i think) where i was coming from and i see his point of view on some things. what he didn't realize is that his " quickie" that he wanted and not having to worry about me getting mine is enough for me. his "quickie" to me is no quickie. my past has included 5-10 minute quickies leaving me wanting. his so called quickies is more 15-20 minutes and more than time for me if i know ahead of time that it will be quick. this weekend was a mix of quickies and not so quickies lol. it was like our first weekend together again. so we will see what happens now.

hi completely lost,
I know exactly what u r going through I have been their myself!!!
its emotionally exausting. I didnt no what to do or who 2 turn 2!!
it leaves u feeling second best, ugly amongst many other emotions.
I still havent got my head around it so any tips throw them my way haha
In a way I feel glad that you wrote on here(dnt feel like its just me!)
but obviously wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy.
my thoughts are with you and hope ur man see's sence and starts showing you the attention you are craving.
Just thought you'd like 2 know your not the only 1 who has an extremely selfish hubby!!
love saz xxx