is not an overnight process William - no Santa Claus, no Easter Bunny, no Easy Button.

But so worth it. Like climbing a mountain, the view from the top is breathtaking.

I agree with Lancer - hit the gym.

I blew off my Doctors when they told me to never swim again due to my weakened immune system after the stem cell transplant - I took the plunge and hit the pool in January and the only time I questioned my foolishness was while body surfing in Hawaii earlier this year. I got pounded by some really big waves and realized how funny it would be to not die of cancer after all, but drown while doing something I really loved. It was the first day of our vacation and I dare not tell Laurie what happened out in the water, not wanting to ruin my vacation!

It has been said, "You are what you eat" and I would also suggest, "You are what you think."

Like to read? David D. Burns M.D. is a psychiatrist and his book, "Feeling Good - The New Mood Therapy" is called, "the clinically proven drug-free treatment for depression." He claims you can rid yourself of anxiety, guilt, pessimism, procrastination, low self-esteem, and other "black holes" of depression without drugs." What do you have to lose?

You are in Brooklyn, right? I was in Seattle for 3 months for my transplant and it was recovery heaven with 6-10 meetings day just for sexual addiction. Add AA, DA, GA, NA, OA, Alanon, CODA, ACOA and others and why would you ever have to be lonely? And guess where you meet goddesses that are working on recovery for the hole in their heart? Mind you, using meetings as a place to hook up is understandably discouraged but a cup of coffee with some of the group after a meeting is an accepted practice and you just never know where Cupid will aim his bow.

Don't work? Volunteer! Helping others can be a heart transplant to take your focus off of your loneliness and your care for others will release those good neurochemicals we all want. You even start to feel deeply grateful for your blessings as you realize there are so many people that are hurting way more than you are.

Got God? I remember one frantic day calling through my entire recovery list for someone, anyone to talk to about my crisis. As each person did not answer, I found myself getting more and more agitiated and angry! And then I said, "Oh yeah, God - no busy signal - always there 24/7." And then, I prayed and felt the peace flood through my body. Find that spiritual practice that helps you connect and fine tune your ability to hear divine guidance, that still small voice in your heart and soul and you will never be alone.

The sad truth is that a fully healthy goddess finds a needy guy a turn off as he is not able to match her energy and she would find you draining her constantly and run for the hills. And the folly of selecting a wounded goddess is that all too often she wounds you and you wound her back, ad infinitum, leaving both of you angry, burnt out and frustrated.

I am right with you William - the last 2 weeks has been a roller coaster for me of opening up deep pain from my inner child trauma. I wish you well with your new therapist as I sense your excitement for the potential of healing that will open up to you. I'm excited for you also.

I know others will have great suggestions like Lancer's too but it all boils down to how bad do you, William, want this? We all have excuses, barriers and obstacles to what we want and I am also beginning to realize how I can actually victimize and sabotage myself so trust me, I am sympathetic to the Catch 22 in all this so called advice.

Release the lie from whoever or whatever told you that you did not deserve to be loved and claim your birthright of divine love to flood your life with an abundance of the good things we all desire - including that special goddess that will appear miraculously when you are ready to receive her.

Again, what do I know? Forgive me as I continue to "fake it till I make it" and attempt to teach what I am trying to learn.

I do know how to cheer for you William and hope you keep the faith in your journey of recovery.

Richard

My heart goes out to you as I read about your feelings of loneliness and despair. I, too, know these feelings. Although, with much gratitude I can say today that I have not felt that sense of total desperation in quite some time, even though I'm still without a partner. While nothing can fully fill that void from the lack of having a significant other to heal and grow with (which is one of the things I think we're all here to learn), there are certainly things we can do to make the most of our time while we are alone, that will prepare to enter a healthy relationship.

Many of those things have already been covered, I think, in the previous comments, and I honestly believe that you will find relief in the work you are doing right now. It will come, most likely when you find some peace within yourself. I think this opens up the necessary space where we can bring someone else into our lives, whereas neediness and desperation will generally keep most people at a distance.

As I was reading over Richard's many suggestions, my recent situation with my father came to mind. He is a lonely man, but when I think about all the resources available these days for people to come together to heal themselves and the planet (support groups, church, activism, volunteer work, etc.), there really is no reason for anybody to be suffering from loneliness, unless it is possibly an unconscious choice. Taking a step out into the world is definitely scary, but there is truly nothing to lose except the chains that hold us back.

I am wishing you all the best, and keeping you in my thoughts.

Love,
Mari