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It feels like my world is coming to an end
Sun, 2008-05-18 05:48 — helpme83
im 25 years old. I started masturbating right from my childhood days (say since the age of 5. Yes its true) and up until a week ago i can say that i masturbated atleast 5-6 times a day on an average and every single time i did it was by watching porn. Im so addicted i just feel like i cannot live without it. Now its been a week since ive stopped both watching porn and masturbation but i feel ive lost my will power to hold it anymore. Whats really driving me insane is my loneliness.
I was in a relationship with my ex for about 6 years, we broke up about a year back but were still seeing each other on and off up until a week back. Now she has made up her mind that she doesnt want to talk to me for sometime hoping that things would get better this way. She has never realised that i have an addiction problem ( i also dont know if this had caused the break up psychologically and was the root of all the problems in the relationship, as i was very obsessed about sex). and now that im alone, i feel the urge to masturbate more often than before just to fill the void. However i have tried to get over wth the addiction for couple of reasons..
Firstly, i have noticed that every time i masturbate i think of my ex and this makes me miserable and desperate to have her back. its not helping my cause to move on
Secondly, i want to change myself and focus all my energy on breaking this habit, so that i can live a very clean and healthy life
i dont know how it feels to have overcome with the addiction since i dont have any other addictions or have never experienced life without any addiction(porn/masturbation). i want to know if life would be any different if i beat my addiction.
Following are withdrawal symtoms which is just unbearable.
I feel very depressed than ever before and get suicidal thoughts frequently.
i feel very uncomfortable in my chest.
shivering
dont feel like socialising.
anxiety
nervousness
constant sexual thoughts
Please can anyone suggest what do i need to do..Also some counseling on my break up will be much appreciated.
Welcome
Not sure if this will help, but the symptoms you describe are normal. In fact, it would be great if you could add your list to this page: http://www.reuniting.info/node/745
Second, did you have a look at some of these materials and threads? They may bring you comfort.
http://www.reuniting.info/resources/inspiration_sexual_addiction_recover...
http://www.reuniting.info/resources/porn_masturbation_addiction
Thanks for your courage in cleaning up your addiction. The worst part is the beginning. You won't ALWAYS feel like this. That means your next relationship will start out on a much better footing.
Take some deep breaths, and keep posting.
A big hug,
Marnia
Welcome helpme83
Dear Friend,
This site has become a treasure trove of materials for our recovery. I hope you will take some time to SLLLOWWWLY peruse the site. Some of the material is quite lengthy, but well worth reading. There is not hurry, none of it will go away.
I've been struggling with masturbation and extreme lonliness for many years. I have a lot of posts to my Blog and you are welcome to look at my progress. I tend to write shorter pieces than some of the others. Needless to say, I've had a hard time staying "on the wagon." There is a saying in the 12-Step rooms about "progress, not perfection." In the past 50 days, I've masturbated once and now have 10 days of sobriety/abstinence.
Be well and go easy on yourself.
Cheers!
did it again
back to sq.1.. just when i thought i was doing better i succumbed to the temptation. i could hold it only for a week (first time in 20 years). Now here im again with a fresh start trying to beat my addiction. Until i did it i was feeling good about myself, i knew that i could do better and hold on for some more time. Also thought that it would just be a matter of some more time and i would be over the addiction. Now i just feel like i wasted my time. nevertheless the drive is still there to overcome the addcition. i can already foresee the benefits of overcoming this addiction. i really felt more energetic and i was full of confidence but i blew it away. However i should not let the moment of weakness overcome my willingness to give it up.
At the moment i just keep getting this sexual images in my mind (i just find women too beautiful
i just seems so impossible to give it up..but hey ive tried to abstain for a week and it just takes a little more will power to not succumb to the temptation..im pretty sure this can be done (look im already confident)
i'll keep you all updated...fingers crossed.. any advice would be appreciated.
Take a page out of William's book
You actually *succeeded* for a week. That's already a great start, given twenty years of the opposite learning reinforcement for your brain. Pat yourself on the back, and stay as optimistic as possible.
There are zillions of tips available. Have you checked out any of the threads listed on this page?
http://www.reuniting.info/resources/inspiration_sexual_addiction_recover...