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29 Days and Counting

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Fri, 2008-06-06 19:49 — WilliamC

Friday, June 06, 2008

Today I’m embarking on a new project. I’m going to sit for three minutes a day and concentrate on my breath. In the back of my mind I keep this question, “William, I want to know you better.” Then after sitting for three minutes I’m going to write for seven minutes about one of the following topics.

1 Dear Higher Power, I feel….
2 This is what I want to share with you…
3 One of the aspects of my vision for my life is…

Here is my entry for today. I will post my writings to this blog unless it seems inappropriate.

One of the aspects of my vision for my life is to have an intimate partner/life partner. I want to have a woman with whom there is deep love, affection and romantic attachment. I find it very difficult to stay sober being single. It is not impossible, just difficult and I’m not really learning anything about women by practicing celibacy. One of the aspects of my vision for my life is to actively date. I want my dating life to be unselfish and focused on having a good time with the person in front of me in the moment. I do have a hard time letting go of the idea that I’m looking for a life partner. Maybe it is possible to date with no agenda at all, no thoughts at all about any ultimate goal. I’m not sure that this is possible. A year ago I did not think it would be possible to go for a month without masturbating to orgasm, but here it is – 29 days and I’ve been totally abstinent. Over the past year my masturbation has been MUCH less frequent than at any time in my life. So maybe this next phase will also be possible.

Comments

Fri, 2008-06-06 22:21 — Lancer
Lancer's picture

William, You are right. You

William,

You are right. You shouldn't walk into meeting someone with an agenda. I find that if you do, it never works out very well. For instance, I met someone who I like, but she was in a class of mine and it all happened by chance. So, I'm going to pursue something. My advice is go about living your life, and just take advantage of the opportunities possible. I'm actually differing from you on how I approach my healing process. My feeling is I need to get sober while I'm single, and I'm very, very close now, then work on expanding outward. You can learn about the opposite sex and still be celibate. I'm expanding outward slowly but surely. I know patience isn't always the best way, but use some. It's hard to do it alone. Trust me, I'm living proof of it. I'm also proof it can be done. So keep going, you're doing great.

Sat, 2008-06-21 00:19 — richardsnewsong
richardsnewsong's picture

Wishing You Well

on your new project William - sounds like you and I both have a lot of private journaling ahead of us as I know that is part of the work I am doing also.

I am noticing that we both tend to focus awareness on our external surroundings - you being focused on how much better things would be with a life partner (sharing love,affection, romance) while I tend to focus on how much better things would be if my existing life partner would be that loving, affectionate, romantic women that I desire.

In both instances, we are powerless over our desire and for me at least, the result is an energy that does not allow me to fully enjoy the beauty of life "as is" in each present moment that I am gifted with.

I hear this a lot in our culture...I will be happy when (fill in the blank) a) I get that new job, b) I get the new life partner, c) I take that trip, d) I have that $50,000 in the bank, e) I get that car, f) I achieve that level of abstinance, g) I lose that weight, and so on...you get the idea.

I want to share with you a series of affirmations from CODA that I enjoy, forgive me if you already know them. As I meditate on each affirmation, I find the ability to cherish each present moment and acknowledge the beauty and completeness of me, just the way I am, right now, even as a work in progress:

CODA Promises wrote:

I know a new sense of belonging. The feelings of emptiness and loneliness are disappearing.

I am no longer controlled by my fears. I overcome my fears and act with courage, integrity and dignity.

I know a new freedom.

I release myself from worry, guilt, and regret about my past and present. I am aware enough not to repeat it.

I know a new love and acceptance of myself and others. I feel genuinely lovable, loving and loved.

I learn to see myself as equal to others. My new and renewed relationships are all with equal partners.

I am capable of developing and maintaining healthy and loving relationships. The need to control and manipulate others will disappear as I learn to trust those who are trustworthy.

I learn that it is possible to mend - to become more loving, intimate and supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way which is safe for me and respectful of them.

I acknowledge that I am a unique and precious creation.

I no longer need to rely solely on others to provide my sense of worth.

I trust a guidance I receive from my higher power and come to believe in my own capabilities.

I gradually experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life.

I am excited to believe that when I capture that type of affirmative energy in my life and really feel that way inside and out, the external circumstance of my life, including my life partner situation, will properly align with the divine intent of our universe!

I am so ready!

Richard