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New Outlook

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Mon, 2008-06-16 00:44 — Asher

It's been a while since I've posted here, I thought I should mention that things are going well, as well as express my gratitude for the valuable support and guidance I received from this site when I was 'under'. I must admit I don't frequent the internet much these days, I have refocussed my attention and energies on other things. I would say that 'I' have not (nor do not) overcome the residue of the addiction, but rather the mind of wisdom and compassion (that can be cultivated through meditation) is what defeats the residue of the addiction. 'The addiction' was just an unwholesome habit of mind that I acquired, and am letting go of over time. It wasn't me or mine in any case! Of course I have mostly a merely intellectual understanding of this at present; the realization has not sunk fully into the heart yet; if it had there would be no more struggle. And I do still struggle from time to time, but so long as I surrender to the process of mindful awareness and compassion, the obstacles are overcome (so long as I don't egotistically become conceited and think "I did this", or "I have conquered lust"...I can tell you, that attitude leads to trouble!).

Hope everyone is doing well, my well-wishes are with you all

Asher.

Comments

Mon, 2008-06-16 01:18 — Marnia
Marnia's picture

Great to hear from you

I'm so glad you're doing well. I miss you.

Mon, 2008-06-16 01:26 — cariad
cariad's picture

stillness

Hey, Asher,
I'm new to the site, but I've read your blog. As someone who has not followed you from the beginning, but read it all at once, I want to reflect to you the underlying stillness I heard in this last post. So very different from the jangly uncertainty in the beginning. It's a beautiful thing. As with anyone else here struggling with recovery, I applaud your honesty and courage, and send you light.
Cariad

Tue, 2008-06-17 21:23 — richardsnewsong
richardsnewsong's picture

Thanks for the Update

and a very good report about your current state of mind and existence Asher.

You sound in a great space and your words are full of hope and optimism for us all.

Richard

Tue, 2008-06-17 22:38 — Lancer
Lancer's picture

Hey Asher, glad to hear

Hey Asher, glad to hear you're doing good. Stay in touch, and best of luck.

Tue, 2008-07-01 06:56 — Asher
Asher's picture

Thank you

Thank you all for your kind words. I do check in from time to time, though I am still keenly aware of the nightmare of addiction I am still careful to avoid rekindling. For this reason alone do I avoid the net, I found that to terminate my home net connection was an important step. I don't want to 'go back', and found today, as many here have mentioned, that the old monsters (which are not really monsters at all but just habits of mind) can still seem to growl from time to time. Today I was so surprised to feel like engaging in the 'quick mind-altering fix' of internet porn. Didn't do it, but feel disturbed that I was even so tempted; that temptation hasn't surfaced for some time. As I said before, I have not 'conquered' this thing, I have found techniques and strategies to avoid it (sometimes I have felt like I am running from it, just keep running, stay ahead so it can't catch me...). But the greatest gift was the awakening of compassion in my heart, my truly seeing those poor exploited young women in the pictures, realising that they are images of actual human beings, and letting go of that mind that can allow lust to override what the heart really feels and believes. It is the power of real love, that is a force greater than my limited 'self', that actually keeps me on the right path. So I can not claim any credit other than that I surrender to this higher power.
Yes it is a long journey of recovery, but such a worthwhile one.

Tue, 2008-07-01 14:43 — Marnia
Marnia's picture

Hi Asher

Thanks for checking in. I've heard from smokers who quit, that when the urge arises it *feels* just as intense as during withdrawal...but that the episodes are shorter, and increasingly spaced out. And what really changes is one's belief that one can get through it, and that on the other side of the urge lies peace again.

I guess this makes sense, as that pathway in the brain stays there for quite a while...after all the brain put in a lot of effort to build it. Eye-wink

Anyway, a big hug for you, and thanks for the moving words on compassion. I think it was seeing the humanity in addicts that was behind the decision to see if this site could lend a hand. On behalf of those women and their sisters, I thank you.