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D'oh!

Thu, 2008-06-26 19:27 — ferjcas

I have to confess that my second attempt has failed at day 6. This is turning out to be more difficult than I thought... It al started when I received a naughty message in the email, one thing lead to another and I went on a binge of porn consumption. I'm sad because I thought that I would have the power... Sad

I have thought about cues, and it's a problem because sex impregnates - pun intended Eye-wink - everything in modern society. I have stopped watching television already, and not so much because of my problem, but because it's not even funny anymore. The message of modern television is this: women rule, men suck, gay is cool, and everybody's having sex except you. The only thing I still watch once in a while is The Simpsons. Last night during the commercials, I saw an ad with a lot of contorting naked women to sell... plumbing! For God's sakes, who uses naked women to sell faucets!? >:(

Now I'll have to throw my computer in a lake... Windows Vista has a parental control feature, so I've already filtered myself and put an "Internet curfew" after 12 am. So great, now I have to start parenting myself... ¬¬

Starting again... NOW.

Comments

Thu, 2008-06-26 22:02 — Mitsiky
Mitsiky's picture

It could be worse!

I can see you're learning from your mistakes, and you also have a sense of humor about it!

Fri, 2008-06-27 00:02 — Marnia
Marnia's picture

Look at it this way

It took you a while to get *really* hooked by laying down a solid new pathway in the brain that facilitated your porn use. It'll take a while to lay down the new alternative.

It may help to have a pre-planned substitute activity that you always opt for instead. Preferably something you also find rewarding. Yoga? Meditation? Chatting with friends? Reading parenting websites? Eye-wink If you have a plan all ready, you can tell your mammalian brain, "Later. I'm going to do this *other* activity first." And usually the distraction will let you slip away for the time being.

Fri, 2008-06-27 03:38 — cariad (not verified)

Parenting

I'm a parent, and can't tell you how many times I have had to "start over". If you blow it, you just say, "I didn't do that the way I would prefer to. I'll do better next time. I'm sorry." I was apologizing to my young son, but you can look yourself in the mirror and say it to the face you see there.
I, too, love your humor, courage and frank discussion of your journey.
Stay with it, Dad. You're on the right path.

Cariad

Fri, 2008-06-27 20:13 — ferjcas

Thanks for the

Thanks for the support!

Hugs,

F.

Fri, 2008-06-27 05:06 — thelongrun
thelongrun's picture

Get back on and try again

Thanks for sharing your hopes, struggles, and successes. You've had 6 days free of the monkey! Didn't it feel good? Yes it was hard, but it felt good to be "winning" even if only for a while.
Yes, you are learning. I like your humor and your looking for clues. I echo Marnia - find a substitute. Even for a time, fill your life with another obsession that sucks your time away. Maybe its this site? Maybe it's frisbee golf? What ever it is, dive in. The diversion will give your mental pathways time to heal.
But just remember, its one day at a time.
From this point on, yesterday and your slip do not exist. You have today to live. Enjoy it and smell the roses. "Do not worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will take care of itself. Today has enough worries of it's own (Matthew 5 or 6 I think.)"
Wow! You are so good to share this all with us. We're rooting for you!

Fri, 2008-06-27 05:43 — richardsnewsong
richardsnewsong's picture

In Your Own Words

frejcas wrote:
I thought that I would have the power...

Tonight in group, we read about "acceptance". Can you accept that you are powerless over your addiction? In recovery, we begin at the beginning and Step One says, "admitted we were powerless and that our lives had become unmanageable."

All I am saying is that you are so not alone my friend as I am far into recovery and still wrestle with acceptance and surrender to the God of my understanding. The paradox for men is that we are told to be strong, don't cry, never let them see you sweat.

I even plan how I want to do my recovery and turn a blind eye to how God wants to do it. The irony is that we can try it our way all we want until we really hit bottom and really want to give it all up, accept and surrender.

I have admonished other men for framing their experience as failure - it is not. You have found one more way that recovery will not work. Learn as many lessons as you can and move on, knowing that there will be many more lessons to come.

At the risk of jumping on your band wagon - I am also enjoying your sense of humor and hope you share more with us.

I can spot most porn emails a mile away and can block them before I ever open them to be tempted. They go to the trash immediately along with the Nigerian bank account spam.

Could it be time for you to close your email account and start afresh? When you link to the porn, you register as a successful "hit" to the porn industry and bet your bottom dollar, you will get more naughty offers soon, not less.

Tarzan was right when he told Jane, "It's a jungle out there!"

Richard

Fri, 2008-06-27 20:12 — ferjcas

Hey, thanks for the

Hey, thanks for the suggestion, I haven't thought about it! I have already closed that email account and, uh, some other accounts...

F.

Sun, 2008-07-06 01:12 — cariad (not verified)

How are you??

Hey, Ferjcas,
How are you? Hope this finds you well and with an adequate supply of phone books Eye-wink
Hugs,
Cariad

Sat, 2008-07-12 01:34 — cariad (not verified)

Hey! Where are you?

Wherefore art thou, o wryly humorous consumer of phone books?
Miss ya,
Cariad