when she noted that those that teach are in the best position to learn.

Are you a sport's fan Lancer? If so, you know the agony of being on or watching a team doing really well when they are "going for it" and then folding like a cheap tent when they start to play "not to lose".

I thought of that as you described your stress about not screwing up and I have noted my greatest success in sports and in life is when I step away from the outcome and judgment of what I am doing and have fun! Man Lancer! Life is too dang short - try not to be too serious and have fun dude!

Can I let you in on a little secret? When you screw up and everyone else sees it, you are helping others and helping yourself! Think about it?

How can you learn what works until you eliminate what does not work - trial and error baby!

The path for me out of addiction is to dig deep and be honest that addiction in whatever form it manifests is giving me something I want. Our quest is to find what we are asking for and stop so the universe will stop delivering it right to our door.

Ah technology! In the good old days you could throw out your porn mags and then face the embarrassment of having to go into some sleazy place to order some more. Now, there it is, streaming right into our computers, in the privacy of our homes and nobody has to know. And somebody said there is no such thing as the perfect crime??

Uh, ehr, there isn't - thanks to karma, energy is neither conserved nor destroyed and a little harmless porn behind closed doors is not really harmless - so much for the big lie.

I applaud you Lancer for the couarge to run, not walk out the door when confronted with your irreistable urge. Keep wanting it that bad and keep running away from anything that seeks to lure you back into your addiction.

And as for celebacy counts - count your days with a grain of salt and realize any number is likely to be full of asterisks. One day for someone really, honestly struggling is a magnificent accomplishment, not worthy to be compared to someone with hundreds of days due to their slip into "sexual anorexia" that gives them the appearance of sobriety. And "dry drunks" as they are sometimes called, can be the most miserable people on the planet with a mission to make everyone else as miserable as they are.

I am a big tlc fan myself (love ya buddy!) but man, I have met men in meetings with years and years of celebacy and man, they are as solid as oak trees, firmly planted, and nothing is gonna pull them out by the roots. Step back and realize that the Reuniting hierarchy is a very small recovery community and consider branching out to get more support.

What do you really want in life? Pursue those things!

I don't know who to attribute this to but I really like it and it has a special meaning to me:

I look to the immortal Groucho Marx for the final wisdom on role models. He loved golf and commented that, "I would not want to belong to any golf club that would have me as a member!"

Does that help take the pressure off?

Richard

Right on "Lancer"!
Don't fear or carry the load for someone else. Be your own person. Sharing my ups and downs on here is what has gotten me to where I am. If I didn't share the downs, I would not notice the ups as much.
Life is a twisting road, and it's suppose to be. Congrats on walking the edge and not slipping. Now try to stay away from that edge all together! You don't need it. You've beaten it this far - I'm soooo proud of you! And so glad you are sharing it all here. Keep on keeping on.

As for me, I've had my ups and downs but I have not slipped at even looking since sometime in January or February I think. Life is good here. I'm dating. There are ups and downs but I'm proud to say that even with orgasmic sex (just can't get to the next level yet!) there has been no return or even desire to return to masturbation or porn. That was a big fear of mine. My months of cold turkey have really given me perspective.

So that's to say that there is light. But ups and downs are to be expected. Please keep sharing. Yes others look up to you - not because you are perfect - but because you are imperfect! They can see their own imperfection, their fears and hopes - reflected in your journey. Keep sharing, we need to hear it!
Peace,
-TLR

Don't shoot me but anyone that knows what LMAO means will agree that there is an entire world of online networking that can give you experience in opening up and relating to the other sex.

My Space
Facebook
E Harmony
Match.com
Chemistry.com
Yahoo Personals

The list is limited only by your imagination - I barely know what I'm talking about regarding what's out there, but trust me, it's out there.

There are also things like yahoo groups and google groups that allow you to meet people that share a specific interest like gardening, blues music, you name it.

You can put out a profile, blog,chat,cam,skype - so much technology, so little time.

My biggest concern is to know about the dangers of computer addiction and not have time for real life social interaction but if your real life social interaction cupboard is bare, you can really jump start things in real life with a little effort on line.

That being said, I do want to clarify I am referring to social networking, not hooking up. Many sites have people doing both - it is up to the individual to have the integrity to decide what their boundaries will be. Also, needless to say, there are lots of really sleazy cam and chat sites that can take you deeper into your addiction.

I went on a mainstream site to meet women last year while Laurie was out dating. I had the divorce papers at home and was chomping at the bit to get out there and mingle after sitting at home with cancer and being miserable in hope Laurie would come to her senses.

It was a very healing experience as I discovered how much I enjoy good company and good conversation. It also allowed me to reinforce my confidence in my abstinance as I was invited to visit with two ladies at their homes after we got to know each other.

In both cases, I was able to keep my sexuality sacred and my desire was friendship - if anything, one lady seemed puzzled that I did not come on to her and I just smiled and explained where I was at in my journey.

Soon thereafter, my divine guidance moved me off the sites that I could be fully available to Laurie when she told me she was having second thoughts about reconciliation.

If I ever decide to become available again in that way, I would not hesitate to put myself out there as the quality of ladies that I met was exceptional.

Lastly, my biggest advice on making connections, be yourself. If you have not made peace with how wonderful you really are, trying to fake it on line to try and be something you are not, will fail miserably.

We are all total and complete, just the way we are and there are real people out there that fully believe that to be true, honest!

Richard