I knew that this 4th of July was destined to be special but I had no idea just exactly how.

My musical project in New York has taken on a life of its own and so many good opportunities to play and record music have materialized that instead of flying home on the 4th, I extended my return to Monday.

In those rare, quiet moments afforded to me, I browsed Reuniting and consulted the Oracle for continuing insight on my circumstance. The advice is uncanny in its accuracy.

And so last night, in the wee hours of the night, some important things came into perspective. Laurie, fresh from her therapist, has decided it is time for a separation. Of course, she still insists on doing so on her own terms but at least the ten ton elephant in the middle of the room is up for discussion.

The entire week before I left, Laurie was so distant and even this week, she has been distant and hard to connect with, responding to my texts with single syllable words and leaving our phone conversations full of strained dead air. According to the Oracle, she is “an obstacle that can’t be overcome with force” and my best approach is, “Strike a moderate path between indulgence and discipline.”

As she tells me her justifications for the separation, I am relieved and frustrated. It is nothing I did not already know, having offered separation to her many times before over the last 24 months, only to meet with her resistance. I share with her my sadness at having passed up so much valuable time - time that could have been helpful to her and I both in healing and discovering our new lives - and she responds in anger that she has wasted 26 years of her life in our marriage.

Of course, her comments sting and yet there is no point in trying to defend myself from her point of view. It is the fulfillment of the Oracle’s July 3rd prophecy on “humiliation” and my healthy response is in the realm of “responsibility”. I share with her I will not fight the separation and give her all the time and space she needs. Only time can tell what is meant to be. Later, she texts me to thank me and tells me that she loves me, the first time in what seems like forever. I respond that it is likely that neither of us knows the true meaning of love but the future always offers up hope for learning.

It is hard not to be overwhelmed in the moment about what the future offers me. I have often been told that as a Libra, I function best with a loving, life partner and my 26 years of marriage attests to that desire being manifest in my life. Once again, today’s Oracle reminds me that “divergent goals” (clearly between Laurie and I) get in the way and my best response is “no shortcuts - give it time”.

So here I sit on a web site devoted to sacred sexuality and the prospects for having any sexual expression in my life seem slim and none. Is it any wonder that just the other day I was wishing for a river I could skate away on? I laughed to myself last night as I browsed the attractive ladies by the lake, decked out in their 4th of July finest, and thought about asking one of them, “Hey baby, want to just cuddle?”

All of a sudden, the discussions about working on music full time in New York take on another dimension. It is far easier for me to be 3,000 miles away from Laurie than to sit nearby as we share a house that is no longer a home. The love we shared is a distant relic of the past and reconciling our very different needs right now will be a challenge.

My musical collaboration with John has been magnificent and our impromptu concert last night of Rolling Stones, Elton John, Dire Straits, The Band, The Eagles, Allman Brothers and others builds upon the strong creative bonds we have already forged in creating, sharing and playing the music we have written for this project. In my mind’s eye, I search for the best possible solution for a separation and wonder if staying in New York and pouring my heart out this summer into the music I love is a suitable replacement or at least, an appropriate distraction for now.

I trust that soon, I will have answers to many questions that for now, only the universe can know.

We hope to have our children's story with background music up on You Tube soon - until then, enjoy an old favorite song, Peaceful Easy Feeling, along with a slide show of Indian prints.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enVI7wMosqc

Richard