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Learning to control my brain chemistry...
Telling people that sex is the cause of their relationship woes is not making me a popular speaker. But at least I know what turning a deaf ear actually looks like now.
I have been a very diligent scientist the past week or so, keeping my brain waves at a moderate rhythm, being careful not to overexcite myself, during the course of which I found out what my temptations are, and how to solve the problem once I find that I am hooked.
Temptation #1: Celebrating with friends at a bar. I have managed to keep it to one beer per evening out nowadays, as opposed to the three cocktails I had been regularly consuming prior to, well, to this blog. Usually one beer now, but one night last week I had a glass of sangria and two pints of beer and was high as a kite. The kite was flying pretty low by the next morning, and I had to work hard to defend myself from despair, oh pit of hell, hole in the heart.
The remedy: stick to one beer from now on, yes ma'm.
Temptation #2: Being subtly seduced by Kevin. I don't know how I get sucked back in, but I do. It's a mini-roller coaster ride I'm on now, and mostly all in my head. But still, I suffered from intense heart-break last week, for no apparently real reason, other than I have had romantic fantasy implants without my knowledge or permission, and must have them removed. Or else, it's love voodoo. But the feeling of being very subtly wooed is kind of a rush, reminding me of the first days of me and him. And so when I was iced out again the next day, my love chemicals tanked, and once again, I had to work hard to defend myself from despair, etc., etc.
The remedy: I've needed to find a way to contain my situation with Kevin and turn it into an object I can look at from a safe distance. So I've been developing a theme or a device that allows me to approach the situation as an anthropologist. I am Jane Goodall, studying the social systems of gorillas. And it is with fondness for all the alpha males and females I meet, that I observe their strategies for power, their passing fascination with me--for I am a strange and wonderful creature--and my own amusement at the dynamics of their group, tempered by my respect for the animal kingdom in general. I sometimes walk down the street now, deciding if who I meet is human or gorilla. That girl with the words "Love Pink" stitched across her butt? Gorilla. That guy in the tie? Gorilla. Anyway, it keeps me well out of it. I'm out in the field in my khaki's taking notes. Because every so often I am called upon by gorilla society, and I seem to be in some way useful to them. And where would I be without them?
I mean no disrespect to actual gorillas.
xo
-Galileo
- Galileo's blog
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Comments
You remind me of me!
After first learning that my own sexual behavior was destroying my relationships... and my sanity... I really thought that EVERYONE would want to be clued into this hidden truth, and I don't think I've ever been more wrong about anything! In fact, many people choose to react very defensively, followed by telling me everything they believe are my REAL problems with relationships. Either that, or they think I'm joking.
About four years ago, I decided to keep my feelings to myself for awhile, as I explored life without orgasm on my own. My hope was that those who I hold close in my life would be able to see the progress I've made as proof of what I'm preaching. In many ways, it seems to be working now. I'm opening up more about it these days, and after four and a half years, some are starting to realize that this is not simply a phase for me. Of course, some people still think I'm joking.
Loony
I come off souding a little bit loony, and then I veer off into a discussion about how the brain lights up the same way for orgasm and heroin, or about how many of my female friends are routinely surprised by their periods and the associated mood swing, every month, surprised by the period and the fight with boyfriend...
Or I'll bring up tantric sex. I asked my ex-boyfriend Pete--after a listening to him fight with his girlfriend on the phone--if they had tried tantric sex..."Where the man doesn't come?" Pete asked.
I said, "Both the man and the woman don't come." (Not that I actually know what I'm talking about. I'm just improvising here.)
"Well, she's just now starting to be able to have orgasms. It wouldn't be fair to ask her to stop now."
I could think of no reply.
I think it's like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nc3N3dhCETE
They will think you're crazy
... until they realize that you're right! At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
I actually use the same approach, with the comparison of heroin use to orgasm. As a former "H" addict myself, I think I have a good solid argument there. Although, the hangover after the "O" is worse, by far, in my personal experience.
As far as tantra goes, it seems to be a good reference that people can relate to. At least, most people have heard about Sting's 8-hour lovemaking sessions, so it won't send them running for the hills quite as fast.
But many tantric paths are quite different from Karezza, and the neo-tantric movement seems to be obsessed with the multi-orgasmic female. However, I've recently read a fantastic book by a tantric yoga teacher, Yogani, called "Discovering the Power of Pre-Orgasmic Sex." It is beautiful. It is really very much in line with PBTS, coming from a more eastern esoteric perspective. It is a very quick and powerful read at about 100 pages, and I highly recommend it to you.
My new plan for the next enlightened man that comes around is to present both PBTS and Yogani, which I think together do a superb job of explaining the need for and infinite benefits of a new approach to lovemaking. It's good to have a plan.
I wish I could give you all a big hug
It's nice to have company. If you think people think *you're* crazy, imagine how I felt when the same light went on for me more than 15 years ago!
One suggestion: wait for "openings." It will be obvious who is ready to hear about this, and who isn't. Those who are ready will almost drag it out of you. The rest will just exhaust you.
My theory is that there's a team of us who just *know* there's potential here. Maybe we were sexual yogis in past lives or something. It's really comforting to have contact with other teammates...especially as they make good potential sweethearts.
But no need to butt your heads on the others...unless you want a knot on the noggin for some good reason (like writing a funny piece about explaining the benefits to people who think you're nuts. LOL).
Gorillas in the Mist...
A gorilla friend of Kevin's is visiting from Scotland, and I've been invited to join them and all the other gorillas to celebrate in a beer garden. Two of my temptations at the same time: Kevin and beer! But now I have gorillas to study...
Wish me luck, and I'll send you notes from the field.
xo
-Galileo
Gorilla on the River
I am out communing with nature, wading in a pristine Oregon river that is clear and cold. I meditate upon the magnificant trees all around me and feel at peace as we are all part of the divine creation.
My peaceful revery is interrupted as a blonde, buxom goddess wades in the river upstream from me with her two kids. Her physical attributes are quite evident in her skimpy attire and her kids are an obvious sign of her fertility. I puff up my chest and suck in my stomach in a classic male mating response.
The next thing I remember is slipping on a mossy rock and being plunged in the icy cold water!
It is much ado about nothing as thankfully, this goddess is much less aware of me than I am of her.
I remain,
Your humble gorilla!
Richard
Galileo, I don't mean to
Galileo,
I don't mean to question your judgment, but is it wise to go somewhere where you will be tempted so soon? I mean, I look at your situation and think it's like handing someone who has a sex addiction a pornography tape and expecting no trouble. I'm just trying to look out for you, so all I'm going to say is you should be careful with whatever you do.
Lancer, thank you...
I take your warning seriously. I don't want to disappoint myself, and now I don't want to disappoint you either. Let's give me the benefit of the doubt...and if I fuck up, at least I'll understand what's going on. Permission to fuck up...granted, but I'm not going to fuck up. It's going to be an interesting experience, and I wouldn't miss it for the world, plus I'll be keeping my mind on all those notes I love to write.
xo
Go, Jane!
You go, Jane! I have discovered over the years that my awareness of my triggers, of my "temptations", and the honest desires of my heart to heal myself are some of the most important tools I have. We all have our own continuum of behaviors and things that will cause us to dance along the razor's edge. It's not for everyone, but the razor's edge has been an institute of higher learning for me; I've learned a lot there. I've learned a lot about first aid, and I've learned a lot about trusting myself.
I have to reflect that I do not hear you engaging in self sabotage.
I grew up in a hunting household. There were firearms around a lot, especially in the winter months. Something my Daddy said to me once when I was about eleven has stuck with me. He said, "I'm going to teach you how these things (guns) work, so you will understand them. I don't want you to be afraid, because fear causes us to make mistakes. I want you to have a healthy respect for what they are capable of."
I hear you learning a healthy respect for both beer and gorillas.
Looking forward to the "after action report."
Cariad