barrier between the sexes. The cure is supposedly quite simple: unconditional forgiveness. Once while I was feeling steamed at a former lover for lots of excellent reasons, I was reading a spiritual book that talked about unconditional forgiveness, and how it was the only path to emotional freedom and spiritual progress. I worked hard at it, and one day I had a real breakthrough. I realized that I *could have been* anyone...even Attila...in a past life. And that if I *had* been some kind of monster, I would still want to be forgiven.

Then I realized that even though I could forgive some of the cruelest monsters of the past...I still didn't care to forgive my lover - who hadn't carved anyone to bits, and had merely annoyed me for various reasons. I couldn't miss the absurdity of that contrast, and somehow it made it easier to see how silly it was to cling to those resentments.

Can you tell her that you really miss her, and that you want to hold her in your arms in stillness, just for a few moments? Tell her to set a timer for however long she likes and then come lie down with you, fully clothed. Then make sure you stick to the deal, so she feels safe and in control. Let her get up when she wants to and don't take it personally. Her nervous system will need time to form a new perception of intimacy with you. Maybe if you do this a few times she will start to relax and see you and your love more clearly. Or maybe not. Try not to be attached to any particular outcome...although I admire you very much for your persistence and determination to heal the split between you. You are an amazing man.

Zoe had heard about my job from the kids. She started giving me advice about how I should work hard and a bunch of other platitudes that I've heard a thousand times before. A real turn-off for me.

Ugh. I may miss her in an abstract sense, especially if I haven't seen her in a few days, but I sure don't miss that type of talk from her. So, no overtures from me, yet.

I'm mindful of the effects of oxytocin. Like beer goggles, I suppose Zoe would look a whole lot better through "oxytocin goggles". Where to get some of that stuff? I spent a couple hours cleaning the house this evening. I'm feeling a little better now. Not much, but a little.

I completed a major milestone in a consulting project last week, and these few days I've been feeling way low on energy. Maybe finishing that milestone was kind of like a "life orgasm" - it's left me drained.

Zoe just made some burritos for herself and invited me to have one, which I happily accepted. As I was eating, she continued cooking and started complaining about various things, as seems to be her habit. But no criticisms or unwanted advice were sent in my direction this time. When I was done, I washed the plate, then put a hand on her back and said "Thank you." She just stood there and didn't say anything, but at least she didn't pull away.

So, I'll call that progress