You've always seemed like a jewel to me, but I didn't know it was because I was checking out your second chakra. *blush*

I don't know anything specific about the link between masturbation to porn/fantasy - and lack of erectile enthusiasm during sex, but it seems plausible. Fantasy can be manipulated to trigger neural patterns a lot more efficiently than real life encounters. In any case, I suspect you have the cure...no emphasis on performance at all. The Exchanges, perhaps? (Wish he were nearer.)

Here's a comment that a man made on an earlier incarnation of the forum:

I think there is a correlation between porn viewing and erectile dysfunction. I am sure that if a study were actually done with honest men, we would see significant results. This is the type of issue people don't talk about. I think the porn industry takes advantage of the uninformed public and makes billions. Then the pharmaceutical companies sell us costly sexual enhancement drugs to treat the side effects and make billions.

In any case, the brain is far more plastic than we have given it credit for. It is possible to modify it just by changing our behavior and our awareness. I'm reading a book called "The Mind and The Brain" by J.M. Schwartz, a doctor who helped patients with obsessive-compulsive disorder. By recognizing thoughts that weren't serving them (false messages of compulsion) and turning their attention elsewhere, they not only remedied their situations, but also literally changed their brains. Seems that should work for masturbation addicts, too.

But it's a tough cure at first. One has to "untrain" the brain, by *not* going for orgasm - as a way to unhook those fantasies from their neurochemical payoff. Without this step, each orgasm-to-climax makes the link between masturbation/fantasy and the reward circuitry stronger. When under pressure, one will subconsciously head there without even consciously choosing.

I sometimes imagine how many glowing men there would be in the world, if they weren't (most) all masturbating so frequently...convinced that their "libidos" are *normal and healthy.* (Certainly I would make the same assumption, based on the mainstream advice.) In fact, however, many of them are actually, without realizing it, just trying to stay ahead of those uncomfortable withdrawal cycles that are part of the sexual satiation experience. *sigh*

I was just reading in "The Myth of Monogamy," that some men did a "depletion experiment" having an average of 2.4 orgasms a day for 10 days. Their sperm output remained below pre-experiment levels for more than 5 months. That's no big deal, but who knows what other effects this experiment had? Or whether it sped up their orgasm habits without their realizing it?

The point was that it had lasting physiological effects...yet to hear the mainstream tell it, orgasm is a harmless, even beneficial past-time, whatever the quantity.

Porn was once a subject I just didn't think about. These days my reaction is just to want to throw the porn user a life preserver! Interesting shift.

Yes indeed they do! "The Presence of the Past" by Sheldrake is a good look into that phenomenon.

Hi everyone,

Like Barry Long I believe that mens “erectile dysfunction” is caused by an unwillingness and lacking ability (until this issue is healed) of the man to really love woman. At a deep subconscious level the man knows that making love with woman only based on lust and excitement is actually hurtful (degrading from a Soul perspective) to the woman and himself, and therefore he subconsciously shuts down.

As the man is the positive projective part and the woman is the receptive negative part, it is very important for the woman to make sure that the mans consciousness and energy is “pure” during lovemaking, since it will directly enter and effect her consciousness and energy (also a reason to be careful making love with porn addicts, unless you are spiritually evolved enough to safely assist their healing process).

If you make love only based on excitement and lust you increase the conditioned (if x then y) energy in the subconscious and you increase the presence of illusion and ego in yourself and your life (the reason for the down period that always follows sex without sufficient love).

On the other hand if you make love with unconditional love (unconditional energy) flowing through the bodies during the act, the conditional energy in the subconscious gets purified, so that your true nature afterwards can shine more authentically through your being and body (less ego and illusion to tie it down).

I know the above to be true through my own experiences where I many years ago also experienced erectile disfunction due the the fact that my desire for woman was excitement and lust driven - not love driven. I then made “love” to my own emotions and fantasy - not the woman I was with.

Through grace and being fully committed to healing myself, my sexuality and interaction with woman this is now changing dramatically.

Blessings
Jørgen

I think that that there is a correlation in my case, although I've never done any real investigation into it. I'm not with that many women so I usually take a viagra beforhand just to be sure I can function.

A couple of years ago I found an article linking it to sudden blindness. (http://www.reuniting.info/science/viagra_linked_to_blindness) That seemed extreme until I mentioned it to a friend (whom you also know, William), and he said, "That's interesting. My dad used Viagra, and he suddenly went blind." I don't think his dad's doctor ever made the connection, and I can't help but wonder how many other doctors haven't.

Had Viagra been an herb, it would have been yanked from the market as unsafe. Instead, no more has been heard about this risk. I admit I'm very skeptical when it comes to the power of the drug companies to keep selling dangerous, but profitable, drugs.

In any case, any woman in your arms needs *you*, not your stiff member.

that shift in which you "saw" the essence of the Divine in your cleaning goddess - and how uplifting it was to you both. Just yesterday a woman was describing a similar experience she had with a male acquaintance, in which his face suddenly shifted to the image of a holy figure she recognized.

One of my favorite spiritual books insists that as we come into a space of unconditional love, we will see it mirrored in those around us...and in this way we will learn who *we* really are. So let go of those judgments and resentments, boys and girls, and see what you "see!"

This shift in perception may be the *spiritual* purpose of a practice like karezza. By joining only with another to *give* *soothe* *heal* *see the real spark within* it is easier to step beyond the usual projections that veil someone's inner essence. (Because we're no longer trying to *get* *defend* or *evaluate him/her* -mindsets that glue us to limited vision.) Here in the land of "projection," it is apparently easier to see the truth of our being in another.

I have had similar experiences, which may be behind my firm belief that there's a prince behind every frog costume - porn habit, or not.

with your last post, but I'm glad you did what you thought best.

I'm picturing you writing us one of these days from your new harem. Both Barry and Bernie live(d) with a number of women simultaneously, and Bernie, at least is even fathering children. (He thinks orgasm is optional, as best I can tell.) So I know your future posts will be interesting.

I totally agree that different next steps are right for different people. It seems the more I learn, the more I realize that I could have started in any number of different places, and the insights would gradually have led me to the same conclusions about the hidden potential in relationships and the need to heal them.