There is a war going, the warriors are my thoughts and feelings and I am the battleground. The two main fractions of the war are my idealistic spiritual self and my raw untamed animal self. The spiritual part of me seeks a path of cultivating and purifying my sexual energy, reaching for an enlightened state of love and unity. My animal self has only one goal.. To conquer and penetrate, and to do it as often, in as many ways possible and to as many women as possible.
For years and years to end the animal in me has had the lead as its main front has been the mind. Take the mind and the body will follow has been the motto. The spiritual side of me has been on the defensive, keeping busy with damage control trying to prevent my behaviour from following my increasingly dirty mind. It has been a standoff for ages until the spiritual side recently managed to make an advance. The pleasure craving animal side is stepping up the game but spirituality has gained momentum, battles have been won but the war is far from over...
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Programming
Hi,
I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions too. I had strange dreams last night. My programming is different than yours because I'm dealing with the female reptile. Reptilian brain. Primitive survival mechanism. Robot virtual implant.
The serpent is a reptile too...so are dragons. But to stick with biology and veer away from fantasy...Female limbic systems have a different preoccupation. I can't remember what that was. I think I'm having that part of my brain worked on.
I don't remember ever looking around and wanting to nibble on anyone, though. But maybe this is because my Venus is in Virgo. I do like to admire shirtless male climbers at my climbing gym. The first time that happened my reaction was, whoa, this legal? Oh, yeah. Of course it is. But it's a different vibe. It's more of an appreciation of the male form in action.
The key is to be complete in yourself. Then you can share what you've got with another. I'm working on it. I'm not ready yet. -G
Yes, though closely related
Yes, though closely related I can imagine both the hardware and the software in your model do have some key differences to the one I'm trying to learn how to operate.
Reptiles are deliciously mysterious I think, maybe that is how I should see my inner serpent brain also. I'm not so sure about reptilians though..
For my part it begins with appreciation for the female form escalading to borderline obsession and the "nibbling response". I don't know the details of my horoscope but I am a scorpio and I think passion is not exactly unexpected for my sign..
I think I have some problems from having ventured into a commited relationship without that very essential requirement of being complete in oneself. My hope is that it i'll able to acomplish this completion while continuing to build on the relationship. Its a bit like bicycling in a headwind, doable but requires some extra effort..
Hope you get some wind in your back on your travel
Better and better every time!
Aren't
Scorpios also all about transcendence? Apparently all that fuel can be used to power more than just the nibble response.
Actually the first man I know of on this site who restored himself to balance after a hearty porn addiction and much resulting chaos is a Scorpio. You got what it takes, brother!
I don't know what can be
I don't know what can be related to my sign or not but I do feel that all the passion comes with a bagfull of resourcefullness to keep it at bay and make it a strength instead of a weakness. I've just not mastered the art of how to apply all the tools to complete the puzzle yet, but I do think I have gathered most of the pieces with an edge on them.
Better and better every time!
Scorpio too
Hey, SH, I'm a Scorpio too... and, what the hell, its "official organs" are the genitals! Scorpios, as I've seen around, are really very passionate. They also like secrecy and depth.
G, now that you brought up the topic, could you explain what it is actually that fascinates you (or any other woman, for that matter) about the male body? I mean, I know it's just plain irreducible attraction, but what are you thinking of when you say something like you'd like to be with this man? Is it the strength/power of the man that gets conveyed because of the muscular body?
I guess that when one male admires another, the admirer says to himself something like how he would like to become the other man. When one male admires a female, the admirer usually says something like how he'd like to have (the company or attention of) the female.
Passion, secrecy and depth
Hey Frank
Passion, secrecy and depth are very much things I recognize as parts of me. Just gotto find a way of utilizing it, I think almost all of my passion has been directed at the mentioned "official organs". If I can channel that passion towards something a little more productive then making a semen fountain I think most things are achievable..
And I'm also curious about how "appreciation of the male form" is experienced by you Galileo, though such things can be hard/impossible to convey using written language I'm sure..
Better and better every time!
Emotion
I guess I enjoy processing experience through my emotions. I enjoy it. I come from a sentimental Russian family, with lots of passionate explosions at family gatherings ! :) So, when I see a shirtless male rock climber I feel an emotion rising inside me, as if I might cry, but I'm not sad. The feeling is desire mixed with love, and a comprehension of the beauty and the balance of everything. Does that answer your question? -G
Interesting observation
about same sex attraction being about wanting to "be" the other person. I think this *is* sometimes a factor, based on what I've observed in some of my gay friends. I remember a French woman friend who lived in Belgium when I did, with her Dutch lover, Petra. The Dutch lover was everything Collette was not (in her view): slim, confident, even more accomplished, more "feminine" looking.
Interestingly, Collette felt like their contract had been breached when Petra began to put on weight. The thing was, Collette was actually very accomplished herself, and even very feminine. She just wasn't as "sleek" as Petra, and didn't have the same confidence in herself *as a woman.* (Petra, on the other hand, had been married and seemed to have a pretty solid sex addiction. She would *hit* Collette in her sleep if Collette didn't make love to her *every* night.)
Frank...just in case a similar phenomenon is at work in your life, maybe try using some affirmations about your own manhood. See if you can find and acknowledge it. It may save you a lot of frustration in the future. Because a "hole" like Collette's actually cannot be filled through another person...however "masculine" you perceive him...ever. You will never find quite the right person to make you feel whole, if it's a quality in yourself you're seeking for...and it's a quality that some part of you wants *you* to develop for *yourself.*
Not sure if any of this makes sense. But I know for a fact that you are, indeed, a powerful man. I know you haven't "grown into" that power yet. But make that growth a priority, and don't expect it to happen without setting a clear intention. Try repeating to yourself something like "I am happy with my masculine energy and express its power in ways I am proud of." (I'm sure you can come up with a better affirmation.) Repeat it often for a while...and see what shifts.
Being gay is fine...but make sure it's for the right reasons!
'Self' is a work in progress...
S.H., I understand where you are coming from! What is my Self? Am I my body, my genital organs, my mind, my emotions, my cravings, my aspirations...? All of the above? Or NONE of the above?
I truly empathise with the polarity you appear to be experiencing, between real spiritual aspiration and sheer animalistic lust. Maybe polarity is useful in that we can only truly understand wisdom by emerging from ignorance ourselves. I'm in the same boat. I want to help others but I have to first help myself. (From drowning!).
I don't know what the 'ultimate' truth is. It has been painted in so many different ways by so many people, and the multitude of numinous images sometimes distracts me from the fact that it is a Path that I am to walk, not read about. The Bible, Koran, Tripitaka, Bhagavad-Gita are all maps, useful to consult for directions or when you get lost, but ultimately just maps. They are the map, but not the land to which we are travelling.
Maybe Rumi put it best when he said that after searching from the highest heavens to the deepest depths he still could not find God...until he looked inside his own heart. "There I saw Him. He was nowhere else".
Here's a passage
from one of my favorites, the "Hua Hu Ching"
http://www.abuddhistlibrary.com/Buddhism/H%20-%20World%20Religions%20and...
Forty-Two
Nothing in the realm of thoughts or ideologies is absolute.
Lean on one for long, and it collapses.
Because of this, there is nothing more futile and frustrating than relying on the mind.
To arrive at the unshakable, you must befriend the Tao.
To do this, quiet your thinking.
Stop analyzing, dividing, making distinctions between one thing and another.
Simply see that you are at the center of the universe, and accept all things and beings as parts of your infinite body.
When you perceive that an act done to another is done to yourself, you have understood the great truth.
Good to hear I'm not the
Good to hear I'm not the only one who has a tendency to "not see the forest for all the trees". It is very easy to intellectualise about what should be done to move forward instead of just taking a step in the right direction.
I guess the contrast that comes from this polarity can make it easier to see the distinctions between what you want and what you got. As long as you're not too pulled in one direction to have a clear vision that is.. I think I'm pulled just a tad too hard yet to gain that benefit fully!
Better and better every time!